Perfect Time Number 7 is Technology Talk

So, we’ve covered many in person options for you to use to connect with your daughter, but you might be wondering about more common forms of communication. Those type of communication most of us are using on a daily basis to communicate with everyone from business associates to “online” friends. This type of communicating is done via the fabulous ways we know as technology. Text messaging, email, instant messaging, most of us use these forms of communication on a weekly basis, surprisingly these are great ways to communicate with your daughter.

Some people are more open when they are “writing” something rather than speaking it, so your daughter may be more likely to really share with you in the form of a text or email. I have found over the past few months that I am communicating more with family members I did not communicate with as much before they came online and began using such technology as Facebook and email. This has given us a connection that we didn’t have before.

No matter how you choose to do so, choose to connect with your daughter. This very important relationship in both of your lives is worth investing in. Do not let the hours, days, weeks, months and years slip by without connecting with each other. I promise you won’t regret it. I bet you my mom would tell you she doesn’t regreat a minute of the time we spent together.

Perfect Time Number 4 is Godly Gossip

Did you know there is a type of gossip that can actually be good? Well, there is, Godly gossip. This is when you share with your daughter what God is doing in your life and you have her do the same. At this time it is ok to admit your weaknesses. My momma often admitted to me that she did not know what else to do as a parent in a particular situation, but she would always tell me that she had prayed or was praying about that situation and that she was giving it to God. I learned how this worked from my mom.

Over the years, she and my daddy encouraged me to go to God for every decision, from boyfriends to temptation, to choosing where to go to college and what to do with the rest of my life. “Pray about it” was a noted phrase in our house and a good answer to almost everything.

Perfect Time Number 3 is on Grocery Store Runs

Can I just tell you how much I loved going to the grocery store with my momma.  This is the time when my momma empowered me.  She made me feel like the smartest girl alive.  I was her go to gal.  I helped her with the difficult task of creating a meal for our family.  I helped her with pinching the pennies that my daddy doiled out not so freely, and we together as a team would create a meal.

So, not only did we go to the grocery store together, but we problem solved together, we were creative together and ultimately we would work together to prepare a meal.  As a young girl I learned valuable life skills from my momma through these times together.  She jokingly said after I was married, that I must have learned from watching, because I did more talking than cooking.  But, you can ask my husband, I know my way around the kitchen now.  So, even if your daughter only learns from watching, she’s learning.

Perfect Time Number 2 is Bedtime Chats

My momma is a sleeper.  She loves to sleep she can go to sleep at the drop of a hat and she requires a lot of sleep.  So, are you surprised that even on the nights I would get in at midnight on curfew from a date that she would still be up, or at least dozing on the couch so that when I walked through the door she was there.  A coincidence, not likely, my momma was waiting up on me.  She had a reason for it.  She wanted to have our “bedtime chat”.  I rarely went to bed without a bedtime chat with my momma.  Talking about the day, or the date, or whatever else came up.  I didn’t hide much from my momma and when I did it was bad.  Secrets were never smart to have from momma, so I didn’t keep them often.

I looked forward to bedtime chats with my momma.  She was the one person in my teenage life that I could trust with my secrets.  Be that person for your daughter.  She needs that person in her life.  Teen girls are cruel and they rarely ever keep their word.  Your daughter needs someone she can trust.  Be there and be ready to “listen” more than you “talk”.  Let her do the talking.  You’ll be glad you did.

My momma mourned when I moved out of the house at 19.  I know it may sound a bit drastic, but I was literally her shadow for nineteen years.  I spent a ton of time with my momma.  In the bathroom, in the bedroom, in every room of the house and out side of the house.  We went grocery shopping together, to the bathroom together and traveled together.  There were not many places my momma did not accompany me.  Ok, maybe on dates, but hey we could not push it too far  now could we?

You get the picture though, my momma and I were pretty inseparable.  I believe that this has had a profound impact upon my life.  You see, I have a strong, positive relationship with my parents, both my mother and my father.  This strong relationship has helped me to see what a “healthy relationship” is in life.  It has been a good model for me to go by when determining if the other relationships in my life are what they should be.  My parents also modeled a strong relationship with Jesus Christ for me.  As a result, I have this relationship as well in my life.

Now, before you start thinking, “her life is perfect”.  Stop!  Do not go there.  Do not get me wrong I have a positive outlook on my life, both my past, my present, and my future, but perfect, I would not agree.  I rebelled against my parents as a teenager, I questioned God as a young adult, I have lived through death of loved ones, struggling financial times, and sick children.  I realize that life is not “a box of chocolates” like Forest Gump wants us to believe.  But, life, it is a gift and one that each of us have.  Also, in life our biggest gift is our relationships.

You probably have many relationships in your life, but I dare to say that your relationship with your children is probably your most valued.  The one that you hope you will never lose.  The one that you hope that you can maintain and grow over time, that those children, no matter how small they are now, will grow to be adults with strong connections and ties to their past, including a strong relationship with you, their momma.

I know I want this for myself, and my children, but since I have such a strong relationship with my mom, and I know that as a woman this is important in life I want to have that same type relationship with my only daughter, Lily.  The following are some things that I hope to do with her as she grows up.  Some perfect times that I hope to connect with her, many of which I did with my own momma over the years.  Maybe you can share these times with your daughter as well.  Happy Connecting!

Check back tomorrow for the first way to “connect”.

Little girls, they play dress up, talk to imaginary friends and dream of being grown up. They  create tea parties for their teddy bears, teach an imaginary classroom full of students and build an entire Barbie empire in their bedroom.  Right or are these activities lost in the new age hustle and bustle and avalanche of technology? Are they being replaced by Wii games, dancing to Ipod music and created dream houses on computer games or hand held Nintendo DS systems? 

As good as technology is and as many things as it has allowed us as a society to do, there is a time for it, and then there is a time for letting little girls, be well little girls and there are things that they can learn from good old fashioned activities, such as dress up and tea parties.

As a child the activities I loved the most were the ones that allowed me to use my imagination,  from imaginary friends to teaching a room full of imaginary students in my imaginary classroom known as my bedroom I enjoyed every minute of those times where I used my imagination for play.  Unfortunately, as our children are growing up in an age of technological advances much of this type play is slowly diminishing.

There is something you can do about this.  Limiting your daughter’s time that she uses “technology” to play is important to help her continue to use and grow her imagination.  Plus, she will learn to enjoy those activities that don’t involve technology even more.

As mom and daughter you can enjoy these activities together.  Invite a few friends and their daughters over for a “mother daughter tea party”, play dress up with your daughter allowing her to try on your clothes and fix her up in your makeup,  allow her to enjoy the experience and use it to bond with her.

It is through these special activities that you can get to know your daughter better, that you can see the twinkle in her eyes and you can influence her heart.  It is never too early to begin, as you want her to see you as someone she can have fun with, so that later on in life she will look to you for someone that she can truly learn from and share with every activity she enjoys and every dream that lies within her heart.

photo credit: Donna & Andrew

Girls,  How many times has your momma said this, “Because I said so.” When my momma said it, she backed it with a promise.  She meant business.  I knew  my mom meant business, but she also modeled obedience for me.  She expected me to obey, but she also obeyed God.  She modeled this for me.

She made time for me.  She made his teachings a part of our daily life.  God’s commandments in my home were rules to live by, not just because my mom said so, but because God said so.  God says the same thing.  He expects us to do things because He says so.

The Bible says in Ephesians 6:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise – that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Ephesians 6:1-3

You see, God tells us to do something and He backs it up with a promise. And you know what?  God keeps His promises. How many times have you promised someone something and NOT kept your promise?  Or maybe someone promised you something and they didn’t keep their promise.  But with God, He ALWAYS keeps His promises.

He tells us to obey our parents, and our parents must obey God.  He also gives them a command, it is found in Deuteronomy 6

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them  when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”  Deuteronomy 6:5-9

We as parents are to teach our children to love God,  as a result of this love our children will learn to honor and obey God,  this will cause them to learn to be obedient.  Honor comes through obedience.

When we learn to obey and honor our parents we are being obedient to God and we will therefore receive His promises.

Parents will often make promises to us as well.  As parents we must follow through with our promises in order to help our children to learn obedience.  My parents were ones to keep their promises whether it was a promise of punishment if I disobeyed or a promise of something I wanted or was wishing for.

I had to first learn to be obedient.  Even when my momma said, “Because I said so.”