Last week we had a blog post about our new Mom-Daughter True Love Waits guide and audio. We had a great response to the giveaway and the winner has been chosen. The lucky mom is Rebecca who graciously tweeted about the giveaway and that entry is the one chosen by Random.org. There will be more giveaways around the blog-o-sphere one other mom blogs.  Be on the lookout for those.  You can follow me on Twitter to see my tweet about those.  This week’s giveaway is over at Really! I’m a Mom.com

This will be a new series of blog posts on Spiritual Disciplines. These are habits and / or activities that we can incorporate into our lives and encourage our daughters to embrace and incorporate into their lives to grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ.

This series will cover the following:

Spiritual Growth

Mentoring

Prayer & Prayer Journaling

Reading God’s Word

There will be some giveaways associated with this series as well.  I’m looking forward to it and I hope you will as well.

Last week I launched a new guide here at Beauty by Design, the Mom-Daughter True Love Waits Guide, just in time for Valentine’s Day.  Though, this topic is NOT at all limited to this month, this week or this holiday.  Teaching our daughters that sex should wait until marriage is an important topic that should be dealt with often, especially if they are in their teenage years where temptation is ever present.

I feel so strongly about this topic that I am going to be giving away 6 of these guides over the next few weeks, starting here this week on our blog.

To learn more about the guide you can go here.  Then come back and enter this giveaway in the following ways, 1 entry per thing.  You must comment separately letting me know you did each thing.

1.  1 entry for commenting on this posting letting us know the age of your daughter(s) and if you have talked with her about abstinence.

2.  1 entry for subscribing to our blog.  You can do so by clicking on Subscribe to my RSS feed at the end of this post.

3.  1 entry for following me (@AlyssaAvant) on Twitter.

4.  1 entry for tweeting about this giveaway.

BONUS:

2 bonus entries for blogging about this giveaway (please post a link below to your blog post so we can come check it out)

Entries will be taken through Sunday, Feb. 21. Winner will be announced here on the blog on Monday, February 22.

Likely, if you have a teenage daughter, then you’ve experienced talking with them about “love”.

Are they in “love”?

Do they want to fall in love?

Are they experiencing what some of us might call “puppy love”?

One or all of these things “might” be the case, but none the less it is an important time for them and as moms we must be prepared to deal with and talk about the subject that we know is more than fuzzy feelings and butterflies in the stomach – L-O-V-E.

Love for us as humans is difficult to define.  We know that God is love and that his gift of his only Son Jesus on the cross was the greatest sacrifice of love we will ever know, but we may often wonder, how we can understand this on a human level and how it relates to what we know and feel as “romantic” love or even “friendship” love.  The truth is there are many different kinds of and levels of love, all of which we must learn to feel and understand as we grow older.  And to be honest, the older you get the more you understand it,  wouldn’t you agree?

So, how do you help your daughter to differentiate between what they know and understand as the love you have for them, or the love God has for them and the love they have for their friends or that they “think” they have for a member of the opposite sex?

As we celebrate Valentine’s this weekend, and this month is all about “love”, it is important to remember that when we talk to our daughters about love and what “true” love is, that we point out, if she is of the appropriate age that love does NOT equal sex.

In our society unfortunately teens are being led to believe more and more each day that if someone loves you, you have sex with them.  This is leading to not only broken hearts, but broken futures.  We must educate our daughters about the true meaning of love and instill confidence in them that will help them to stand for their own convictions about the Biblical meaning of love and what it can mean in their lives.

Check out our Mom-Daughter True Love Waits Guide to start the conversation on this important topic with your daughter today.

This weekend I spoke to a group of 1st – 6th grade girls.  The topic was what they can learn from Queen Esther.  Queen Esther was a very brave young woman.  One of the girls there was to me, very brave.  She asked me question after question about the story, about myself, about whatever came to her mind I assume.

The good thing to me about her asking questions was that it showed me that she was listening.  She was taking in what I was saying and she was processing it.  I believe that asking questions is a good thing.  This brought me to think about, “Do you allow your daughter to ask questions?”  We as parents want our children to come to us with problems, with issues, with fears, but are we open and willing for them to ask questions.

Honestly, this speaks to me, because my oldest, a boy, is a question asker.  I kept thinking that it was his age, he’s six, but I shouldn’t want it to stop there.  I should want him to ask questions as he gets older, because I want to know he’s listening, I want to know he is thinking things through, I want to know that he values what I have to say.

Think about this. . . what do you want your daughter to ask you questions about.  Feel free to share in the comments below:

photo credit: adamci

Over the next few weeks I’m going to be sharing some ideas for “conversations” to have with your tween or teen girl.  Hear what I have to say about talking about expectations with your daughter here:

It’s a new year and for many of us that means that we have set goals or resolutions, which may include either getting rid of some old habits or creating some new habits. Did you know it takes 21 days to make something a habit?

I hope to develop the new habit of exercising in this New year. Not necessarily to lose weight, but to stay fit and healthy and to have more energy. Many ladies I know are wanting to develop the habit of spending time in God’s word. That had been one of my goals for several previous years and luckily for me it has become a habit and is now just a natural part of my routine.

Whether you are a mom or a tween or teen girl, you likely have some old habits you want to get rid of and some new habits you want to embrace. Remember as God Word says, “we can do all things through Christ who gives us strength”. Philippians 4:13 {paraphrased}

I’m wondering, what are some of the habits you hope to dump, what are some of the habits you hope to create?

The past few blog posts have been a series about giving the gift of connecting they have featured 7 Tips to Connecting.  You can easily go back to these posts and read the seven tips below:

The Gift of Connecting

Intro to 7 Tips for Connecting

Tip 1 – Potty Talk

Tip 2 – Bedtime Chats

Tip 3- Grocery Store Runs

Tip 4 – Godly Gossip

Tip 5 – Girl’s Nights

Tip 6 – Table Talk

Tip 7 – Technology Talk

Hope you enjoyed this series and will pass it on to a friend.

Perfect Time Number 7 is Technology Talk

So, we’ve covered many in person options for you to use to connect with your daughter, but you might be wondering about more common forms of communication. Those type of communication most of us are using on a daily basis to communicate with everyone from business associates to “online” friends. This type of communicating is done via the fabulous ways we know as technology. Text messaging, email, instant messaging, most of us use these forms of communication on a weekly basis, surprisingly these are great ways to communicate with your daughter.

Some people are more open when they are “writing” something rather than speaking it, so your daughter may be more likely to really share with you in the form of a text or email. I have found over the past few months that I am communicating more with family members I did not communicate with as much before they came online and began using such technology as Facebook and email. This has given us a connection that we didn’t have before.

No matter how you choose to do so, choose to connect with your daughter. This very important relationship in both of your lives is worth investing in. Do not let the hours, days, weeks, months and years slip by without connecting with each other. I promise you won’t regret it. I bet you my mom would tell you she doesn’t regreat a minute of the time we spent together.

Perfect Time Number 6 is Table Talk

Meal times are a great time for conversations. This should obviously involve the whole family, but that is an even better time to cultivate the relationship between all family members, not just you and your daughter. Meal times are a great time for families to share what has gone on throughout their day. Making mealtimes a priority is important for families. Sharing a meal together is a great way to connect. Remember, grocery store runs are a teaching time and this connected with meal time itself can be the ultimate bonding experience for you and your daughter.

Have your daughter help with meal planning weekly. She might even choose to cook one night of each week. Or at least choose to have her favorite meal on that night. Why not make meal times extra special in this way. Your daughter is a gift from God, it is important to do all that you can to make her feel important, valued and special.

Perfect Time Number 5 is Girls Nights

Every now and again it is fun to purposely spend time together. These other times mentioned may just happen accidentally, but a purposed planned event such as a girl’s night out or a girl’s night in with your daughter(s) can be a great way to connect. Do something fun that you both enjoy and allow the quality time you are spending together to affect your relationship for the better.

You might even want to invite a girlfriend along, one of your daughter’s that is. My mom often allowed me to have friends sleep over. Spending time with my friends helped my mom to get to know them and to discover whether or not they were someone she really wanted me hanging out with. She was able to judge and then from there give me advice on how to handle that particular friend. She was also able to positively influence some of my friends who may have not had a strong connection with their own mothers or even with Jesus Christ.

Perfect Time Number 4 is Godly Gossip

Did you know there is a type of gossip that can actually be good? Well, there is, Godly gossip. This is when you share with your daughter what God is doing in your life and you have her do the same. At this time it is ok to admit your weaknesses. My momma often admitted to me that she did not know what else to do as a parent in a particular situation, but she would always tell me that she had prayed or was praying about that situation and that she was giving it to God. I learned how this worked from my mom.

Over the years, she and my daddy encouraged me to go to God for every decision, from boyfriends to temptation, to choosing where to go to college and what to do with the rest of my life. “Pray about it” was a noted phrase in our house and a good answer to almost everything.

Perfect Time Number 3 is on Grocery Store Runs

Can I just tell you how much I loved going to the grocery store with my momma.  This is the time when my momma empowered me.  She made me feel like the smartest girl alive.  I was her go to gal.  I helped her with the difficult task of creating a meal for our family.  I helped her with pinching the pennies that my daddy doiled out not so freely, and we together as a team would create a meal.

So, not only did we go to the grocery store together, but we problem solved together, we were creative together and ultimately we would work together to prepare a meal.  As a young girl I learned valuable life skills from my momma through these times together.  She jokingly said after I was married, that I must have learned from watching, because I did more talking than cooking.  But, you can ask my husband, I know my way around the kitchen now.  So, even if your daughter only learns from watching, she’s learning.

Perfect Time Number 2 is Bedtime Chats

My momma is a sleeper.  She loves to sleep she can go to sleep at the drop of a hat and she requires a lot of sleep.  So, are you surprised that even on the nights I would get in at midnight on curfew from a date that she would still be up, or at least dozing on the couch so that when I walked through the door she was there.  A coincidence, not likely, my momma was waiting up on me.  She had a reason for it.  She wanted to have our “bedtime chat”.  I rarely went to bed without a bedtime chat with my momma.  Talking about the day, or the date, or whatever else came up.  I didn’t hide much from my momma and when I did it was bad.  Secrets were never smart to have from momma, so I didn’t keep them often.

I looked forward to bedtime chats with my momma.  She was the one person in my teenage life that I could trust with my secrets.  Be that person for your daughter.  She needs that person in her life.  Teen girls are cruel and they rarely ever keep their word.  Your daughter needs someone she can trust.  Be there and be ready to “listen” more than you “talk”.  Let her do the talking.  You’ll be glad you did.

Perfect Time Number 1 is Potty Talk

Over the years I have spent a great deal of time with my mom in the bathroom. Over the years we had a bunch of “potty talks”. I sat on the potty as she bathed, or put her makeup on, or fixed her hair, or shaved her legs and I talked. I tend to be a talker, so I talked a lot, but all the while these conversations were shaping our relationship, strengthening it, giving us a bond, a connection.

So, for me, potty talk was a great part of my life. How about you, do you and your daughter have “potty talks”? It is a perfect place to talk, to connect and to even teach. Think of the private areas of a woman’s life that you could teach in the “potty”, about abstinence, about purity, about a woman’s body and hormones, about the menstrual cycle, about all the areas that a girl will face in her life that are specific to the female sex. It is the perfect time to prepare her, and equip her.

My momma mourned when I moved out of the house at 19.  I know it may sound a bit drastic, but I was literally her shadow for nineteen years.  I spent a ton of time with my momma.  In the bathroom, in the bedroom, in every room of the house and out side of the house.  We went grocery shopping together, to the bathroom together and traveled together.  There were not many places my momma did not accompany me.  Ok, maybe on dates, but hey we could not push it too far  now could we?

You get the picture though, my momma and I were pretty inseparable.  I believe that this has had a profound impact upon my life.  You see, I have a strong, positive relationship with my parents, both my mother and my father.  This strong relationship has helped me to see what a “healthy relationship” is in life.  It has been a good model for me to go by when determining if the other relationships in my life are what they should be.  My parents also modeled a strong relationship with Jesus Christ for me.  As a result, I have this relationship as well in my life.

Now, before you start thinking, “her life is perfect”.  Stop!  Do not go there.  Do not get me wrong I have a positive outlook on my life, both my past, my present, and my future, but perfect, I would not agree.  I rebelled against my parents as a teenager, I questioned God as a young adult, I have lived through death of loved ones, struggling financial times, and sick children.  I realize that life is not “a box of chocolates” like Forest Gump wants us to believe.  But, life, it is a gift and one that each of us have.  Also, in life our biggest gift is our relationships.

You probably have many relationships in your life, but I dare to say that your relationship with your children is probably your most valued.  The one that you hope you will never lose.  The one that you hope that you can maintain and grow over time, that those children, no matter how small they are now, will grow to be adults with strong connections and ties to their past, including a strong relationship with you, their momma.

I know I want this for myself, and my children, but since I have such a strong relationship with my mom, and I know that as a woman this is important in life I want to have that same type relationship with my only daughter, Lily.  The following are some things that I hope to do with her as she grows up.  Some perfect times that I hope to connect with her, many of which I did with my own momma over the years.  Maybe you can share these times with your daughter as well.  Happy Connecting!

Check back tomorrow for the first way to “connect”.

The Pro-Tech the Kids Workshop is now coming online.  The workshop will be held this Thursday, December 10 at 7 pm CST / 8 pm EST.  To reserve your spot in the webinar room you must go sign up now.  Sign up here.

At this time of year, gifts are what’s on everyone’s mind.  Whether it is gifts you have left to buy, gifts you hope you receive or the gifts that you just can’t seem to find.  No matter which is the case, gifts have probably crossed your mind.  Why not give those in your life a gift that doesn’t cost you anything, or maybe it does, the gift of T-I-M-E.  For some of us it seems like that costs more than other things.  It truly is a precious commodity.  One that we should be aware of how we spend.  Over the next few days I am going to be sharing with you 7 ways you can connect with your daughter.

Doing these 7 things to connect with your daughter involve that little thing called time.  That is all it will truly cost you, but the results my friend will be well worth it.  Actually, you can probably use this “connecting ideas” for just about anybody in your life.  So pass these ideas on to a friend or send them over here if they have someone that they need to gift with the gift of connecting.

Photo credit: lusi

Winona Parents Invited to Free Presentation

November 23, 2009, Winona, MS – The computers, cell phones and gaming systems that top children and teen’s gift lists this holiday season can present a genuine threat to their health, safety and, in some cases, their lives. Between predators lurking on social networks, sexting scandals and suicide stories, the headlines are full of tales of technology turning to tragedy. Area parents will have the opportunity to learn how to protect their children from these threats that didn’t exist when they were young and be given the tools they need to guide their children through digital world safely, at the free presentation Pro-Tech the Kids with speaker Alyssa Dees Avant on Thursday, December 3rd . The North Winona Baptist Church, located at 602 Alberta Drive, will host the information session starting at 7pm.

“Chances are if your child has access to technology, they are taking risks,” says Avant, professional speaker and founder of Beauty by Design Ministries, “It’s important that parents make themselves aware of the risks and learn how to protect their families to prevent their children from becoming a statistic, or worse yet, a headline.”

Advance registration is requested through the Pro-Tech the kids website, http://pro-techthekids.com.
“Parents will walk away from this presentation aware and empowered,” says Avant, “and that really is what our kids need to be safe.”

Avant’s unique background which combines positions in children and youth ministries, a professional speaking career and the building of a thriving internet business will give parents a thorough overview of the situations their kids are facing on a daily basis and key information on maintaining the safety and privacy of their children.

For more information on Pro-Tech the kids and the risks children face with technology or to arrange an interview contact Alyssa at alyssa@beautybydesignonline.com or call 662.614.0406.

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Say a prayer for me? I’m headed to Kilmicheal Baptist Church’s Full Plate group on Thursday night to give my testimony and I’m headed to Mt. Juliet, TN on Friday to do a girl’s event with the girls of Victory Baptist Church.

Please pray for the girls as well as for my safe travel to and from there! Thanks!

Yes, what God does for us, it is just indescribable. Love this song!

Have you ever thought about it, have you ever done it, have you ever witnessed it, what you are wondering?  A blessing!  I’m sure you have lived long enough to be blessed.  Blessed by God, blessed by others, you have undoubtedly received a blessing since you have been on earth. 

Last night I witnessed and received a blessing.  My pastor involved the children in the sermon at church in the evening service, but not only that, he gave them a blessing.  He had the adults of the church who would to come and lay hands on my child and bless him  (only my oldest was in the service).  I know without a shadow of a doubt that the people who prayed over him blessed him,  I know without a shadow of a doubt that God blessed Him through them, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that the sheer witnessing of this event was a blessing to me.  It was powerful, it gave me chills, it filled me with hope.

Have you blessed your children lately?  They are a blessing from our Heavenly Father and we should feel blessed to be their parents, but not only that we should impart upon them blessings.  Pray for them, give them praise for their good deeds, love them unconditionally, be a blessing!

The picture is of my “boys”.  What a blessing!

Today, I had a very common experience that made me realize God’s presence even in the little things. This may sound trite, but please bear with me.  I just recently purchased with my birthday money a headset for my Blackberry cell phone.  I purchased this to use when driving to keep myself and my little ones safe.  I have not owned this item for even a week and today I lost it.

You see, I was running errands in town, picking up somethings and then grabbing some chicken at lunch at a local gas station.  This is when I “misplaced” this new tiny toy.  I had already made it back to my mother in law’s 4 miles away before I realized it.  Therefore, I had to go all the way back to town to find the headset.  Tiny, small enough to place on your ear I was sure I’d never find it and if I did that it’d be crushed by either someone stepping on it or worse a car running over it.

A Similar Headset to Mine

However, on the way back to town I prayed, Lord help me find this headset I spent good money on it and I hate to have lost it so soon.  Making it to the gas station I pulled up and tried to park a ways from the exact place I had before so that I wouldn’t chance running over it myself.  I jumped out of my van, looked around and in less than 10 seconds spotted the headset.  I think I might have shouted.  I definitely praised God all the way back home.  Ladies, he’s with us even in the little things.

My father is an “entrepreneur” and  I consider myself one as well. Whether you’re born with it in your blood or God just puts you on that path in life I believe it is an opportunity among the many God given one out there. Maybe your child will become an entrepreneur.

This week’s guest, Sarah Cook has an awesome new business she is building called Raising Biz Kids. This next week however she is putting on a live telesummit for kids who want to be biz kids and parents of those biz kids called “Biz Kids Success Summit” . Listen to my interview with Sarah to learn more.

Focusing on Joy this week. I have always loved this song. Watch this cute video of some kids that get it too!

I have not always been the type of person to put others first.  I’ll admit that many times in life I have been extremely selfish.  That was before I understood the definition of joy.  Joy, is something I want in life, and before you start thinking joy is the same as happiness think again.  Joy comes from our Heavenly Father, but it comes when we operate in the mindset of J-O-Y, Jesus, Others, Yourself.  Putting things in that perspective and order in life will truly bring you “joy”.

Biblical tools.org explains joy this way,

“Biblical joy is a fruit, a byproduct, an additional blessing, not the end in itself. It flows into and grows within the person whose life and energies are not focused merely on being “joyful.” The lives of those in this world who are so zealously chasing after it prove this point. If they are still chasing it, they must not yet have it. God’s Word also substantiates this.”

I don’t know about you, but I am willing to do what it takes to be joyful. I want to sing to the top of my lungs the song from my childhood, “I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, where, down in my heart, where, down in my heart, I’ve got the joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart, where, down in my heart to stay” and mean it with my whole heart. What about you?

Our kids are living in a tech generation. Unlike the generations of the past they communicate almost entirely using technology. Instead of passing hand written notes, they send text messages, instead of spray painting graffiti on bridges they write on each others’ Facebook walls, and even some of the youngest of them communicate via cell phone instead of begging for their own phone line at home. They have access to the Internet unlike any generation of the past and as a result of all of this their lives are more public than generations past as well.

Sometimes, so much so, that it is scary. They lack privacy. They lack security. They often take BIG risks, never even giving it a second thought. When I was a kid, my parents encouraged me to “think before you speak.” We must teach the kids of this tech generation to think before they hit send, before they post, before they click. Because in this instant world, they could ruin their future . . . in an instant! It really is that dangerous.

We must teach our kids to “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22 (NIV)

The following are a few statistics about this generation:

“An insurance poll found that 67% of teens admitted to texting while driving at high speed, and 37% of teens admitted to having been “extremely distracted” by texting,in some cases leading to close calls or significant accidents.” Mobile-Spy.com

“44 percent of children polled have visited x-rated sites or sites with sexual content. Moreover, 43 percent of children said they do not have rules about Internet use in their homes.”
(Time/CNN Poll, 2000)

“According to the results of a survey released today by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl.com, 22 percent of all teen girls — and 11 percent of teen girls ages 13-16 years old —say they have electronically sent, or posted online, nude or semi-nude images of themselves.” (MSNBC.com)
In 2006, Megan Meier, a young girl from Missouri, committed suicide after being a victim of online bullying and harassment which took the form of impersonation.”(“MySpace Mom linked,” 2007).

As parents we do not want our own kids to become a part of these statistics. There are things that parents can do to secure their children. Acknowledging that the issues are out there and that your kid could be vulnerable is the first step. Now, be proactive, take action and make sure that your kid is secure.

Visit our new site Pro-Tech the Kids.com to learn more and to sign up for more info on our upcoming Pro-Tech the Kids Workshop.

I was telling a friend about my latest project the other night and he said, “the song that comes to mind immediately is Slow Fade by Casting Crowns.” I agree. He’s right. Our kids are slowly fading, allowing themselves to become entrapped by Satan’s lies and involved in worldly activities that slowly are pulling them away.

My favorite part of this song is the old childhood song I used to sing,

O be careful little eyes what you see
O be careful little eyes what you see
There’s a Father up above
And He’s looking down in love
So, be careful little eyes what you see

O be careful little ears what you hear
O be careful little ears what you hear
There’s a Father up above
And He’s looking down in love
So, be careful little ears what you hear

O be careful little hands what you do
O be careful little hands what you do
There’s a Father up above
And He’s looking down in love
So, be careful little hands what you do

O be careful little feet where you go
O be careful little feet where you go
There’s a Father up above
And He’s looking down in love
So, be careful little feet where you go

O be careful little mouth what you say
O be careful little mouth what you say
There’s a Father up above
And He’s looking down in love
So, be careful little mouth what you say

Our kids are in danger of slow fading, crumbling, our society has such influence and technology is just a tool that the devil can use to lead them astray. I love technology as much as anybody, but I believe that we must PROTECT our kids. We must be PROACTIVE about their security.

We must teach them to “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22 (NIV)

If you want to join me in being PROACTIVE about your kid’s security visit my new site http://Pro-TechtheKids.com and sign up for more info. This Workshop will be LIVE in Winona, Mississippi in December, but will later be available online via video. You can benefit either way.

For today’s show I interviewed a young lady in ministry, Michelle Myers, who several years ago struggled with a big temptation and sin in her life. Her sin was unlike some that teens struggle with, but all the same it was the area where Satan attacked her life.

She shares her story of dealing with anorexia, bringing her close to death, but ultimately closer to Christ. She now shares her story as a way to share Christ with others. It is an awesome testimony all young girls need to hear.

I want to thank Michelle for being on the show and tell you that you must keep an eye out, as Michelle is writing a book that is a must have. She’ll be back on the show once it is available and we’ll be sure to help you know where to get your copy. Thanks Michelle! Visit Michelle on her blog here.

At the end of today’s show I made a big announcement about my latest project. God has lead me out of my comfort zone, to speak to parents. You all know I am passionate about tweens and teens and I love to stand in front of them and speak, sit with them and chat, or just hang out with them, but it isn’t as natural for me to speak to their parents. However, God is leading me to do so and I am being obedient.

The result is the workshop I will be doing LIVE in my hometown, Pro-Tech the Kids Workshop, on Thursday, Dec. 3, 2009 at 7 pm at North Winona Baptist Church in Winona, Mississippi. Find out more info on the website. This event will be available online via video recording after the event.

For a long time I have said that the mission of Beauty by Design Ministries has been “turning the hearts of girls towards God”, while this is still true, I mostly do this through my offline live events, when I do interactive girls or mother daughter events and my keynote speaking.  However, I do much more online, and my mission online is a bit different.  I wanted to make my mission clear.  I’m not “changing” it but I am embracing a new mission for my online community here at Beauty by Design.  That mission is:

“Helping moms to connect and communicate with their teen and tween girls.”

This will continue to be done in a variety of ways:

• This blog.
• The Mom-Daughter Connection Radio Show & Podcast. A new podcast is available now here on accountability.
• Our Ezine.
• Our Information Products.
• Our Seminar Series.

I am excited about this and hope that you will gain some valuable information to help you in your relationship with your daughter.  This mission comes from my heart.  I believe it is because I had and still have a strong relationship with my mom that my relationship with Christ is where it is today, and that my life is where it is today.  I want the same for my relationship with my own daughter and I want the same for all of you!

Facebook and the Internet as a whole is an amazing tool. I’m amazed that in my short lifetime how far we have come in society with technology, but as amazing and awesome as this technology is it can easily be used and abused.

If used inappropriately Facebook and many other places on the Internet can be detrimental to us and especially to teens who unintentionally post things to Facebook not thinking of what the consequences might be.

Unfortunately, many girls use Facebook as a place to display the many pictures that they have taken with family and friends. This may seem like no big deal, but it depends on what the pictures portray that girl doing. Is she at a football game having good clean fun or is she at a wild party complete with booze, smoking and more?

Is she dressed appropriately in the pictures, or is she revealing too much and more than she would truly want someone to see if she gave it a second or maybe even third thought. The Internet is a very public place, even if you make things as private as possible.

My warning to girls is to think before they post. My daddy used to drill into my head, “think before you speak”. I’d like to drill into the heads of tween and teen girls on Facebook, “think before you post your pictures” and think before you post pictures of your friends. You may mean well, but you may be ruining your reputation, the reputation of your friends or even worse, your future.

Recently, I spoke with a childhood friend who had recently been passed over for a very good job because of pictures that someone else had posted of him on Facebook. The pictures portrayed him drinking, out at bars and having a good time. For some they might have been seen as harmless, but for the people who were looking to hire him, they made him seem irresponsible and immature and not a mature adult worthy of becoming their employee.

This proves that people are watching, people are paying attention and what is posted on Facebook is powerful. So my challenge to teens is to be careful. Be sure that what you post is appropriate and that it is something you can be proud of, not something that will come back to haunt you in the future. Also, respect your friends and hold the same standards for what you post of them as well.

Respect yourself, think about your future, and post accordingly.
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Sometimes we all need this. Thankful that the words of this song are so true. Amen!

I have started up my Mom-Daughter Connection Radio Show & Podcast up again and I am looking for guests. If you have a message for the audience of Christian moms of tween girls then please contact me. I would love to have you on the show.

To listen to the archives of the show click here.

Tonight is week 3 of the Back to the Basics of Life Seminar Series. This week, my good friend Sarah Cook will be speaking. The topic is Healthy Skin & Radiant Beauty. Sarah will share simple ways to help your daughter care for her skin and care for her inner beauty, so that she can shine, not only on the outside, but the inside as well.

Here’s a little more information about Sarah:

Sarah Cook has worked on a volunteer basis for over 18 years in the children’s, youth, and women’s ministries at her church. For the last 15 years, Sarah has enjoyed being a mentor and coach to hundreds of women in and out of her direct sales skin care and cosmetics organization.

She has earned national recognition in her company placing in the National Queen’s Court of Sharing as well as ranking two times in the Queen’s Court of Personal Sales. She has received numerous awards, but where Sarah finds the most joy is in working with women one-on-one or in small groups to discover and embrace their God-given beauty both inside and out. Her training with international make-up artists such as Robert Jones, John Maxwell, and Danton Thompson brings added value to her clients as well as the team of consultants she mentors.

Sarah can be best described as upbeat, passionate, and engaging. She graduated with a BA in Family Studies from Utah State University and has been married to her husband Jerry for 16 years. Together they have 3 children, Jacob, Clarissa and Jonathan. Sarah enjoys home-schooling their oldest two children and spending time with her family.

I am excited about tonight’s topic and that Sarah is sharing with you.  Hope to see you there.  You must sign up at Back to the Basics of Life to be contacted with the webinar info.

I have had accountability partners in my life since my teen years.  Today, I asked a friend to be my accountability partner for my ministry / business.  I was thrilled that she agreed.  Since I feel this is so important in my life I thought I’d share this with you.  I hope that you’ll encourage your tween or teen daughter to find an accountability partner in her life.  Maybe you need one too.  Listen to today’s podcast to learn what qualities you should look for in an accountability partner.

I asked my friend Kristen, because I knew she’d hold my feet to the fire.  Before we were even accountability partners she called me on something without even my asking her to do so.  She felt that God had told her to, that’s the kind of friend I want as my accountability partner.  One that will listen to God’s prompting and act accordingly.

Enjoy this week’s podcast.  I’d love your feedback.  Email me at alyssa@beautybydesignonline.com

By Guest Writer, Sarah Cook, who will be presenting in our Back to the Basics of Life Seminar Series this Tuesday, October 20, at 8 pm CST / 9 pm EST / 6 pm PST on Healthy Skin & Radiant Beauty

7 Skin Care Tips to Keep Acne Away

I remember my hard tween years when I first started experiencing acne before anyone else in my class. It was awkward, uncomfortable and downright embarrassing. Even now, “thanks” to my Dad’s genes I still occasionally battle the unsightly zits that randomly appear on my face. I am so grateful that for the last 16 years I have used exceptional skin care that has not only helped heal and prevent blemishes but has also helped me reduces and even eliminate past scarring from deep acne damage. Let me share with you some simple tips I use to keep my skin as flawless and blemish free as possible.

Tip 1: AM/PM Power Play

Wash your face in the morning and night but not more than three times a day with warm water and a gentle cleanser. Do not use soap as they often have ingredients which strip your skin of hydration. This can cause your skin to overcompensate by producing more oil which can actually make the problem worse. Gently massage your face with circular motions but never scrub which can cause the skin to be irritated. After cleansing, the American Academy of Dermatology (AAD) recommends applying an over-the-counter (no prescription needed) lotion containing benzyol peroxide. This will decrease oil and bacteria.

Tip 2: Don’t Pop It!

I know it’s tempting! I wanted to do it myself on many occasions but here’s why it isn’t a good idea. Popping pimples can push infected material further into the skin. It can also cause more swelling and redness, bleeding, and even scarring.

Tip 3: Hands off!

Not only is it bad for you to have your hands on your faces other things can pose a problem too. Your fingers and objects like cell phones and glasses collect sebum, skin residue and bacteria. Touching your face can spread the bacteria and dirt that may cause pores to become inflamed and irritated. Always be sure to wash your hands before you apply any treatments or makeup to your face.

Tip 4: Body Breakouts

Allow your skin to breathe by wearing clothes that aren’t too tight. It is a good idea to stay away from scarves, headbands, and hats and ball caps, which can collect dirt and oil, too. If you really want to wear them be sure that you wash them after each use.

Tip 5: Sleeping Beauty Never Sleeps in Makeup!

Remove your makeup before you go to sleep. When buying makeup, make sure you choose brands that say “noncomedogenic” on the label. Another important point to make is to be sure the products you purchase are 100% guaranteed. There is nothing worse than being stuck with a product that doesn’t work and wasting your money. Throw away old makeup that smells or looks different from when you first bought it.

Tip 6: Keep it UP and Clean

Keep hair clean by washing it daily and out of your face to prevent additional dirt and oil from clogging your pores. I recommend that hair always be put up when you sleep at night so you are sure that it isn’t all over you when you sleep.

Tip 7: Full Spectrum Protection

I can’t stress enough the value of a full-spectrum skin care product that protects your skin from both UVA and UVB ray sun damage. A tan may seem to mask acne, but it’s only temporary. A tan can cause the body to produce extra sebum, which may worsen your acne, not improve it. Tanning also causes damage to skin that will eventually lead to wrinkles and increase your risk of skin cancer.

So there you have it, 7 quick tips to help you achieve a flawless face without the use of any makeup. If you have further questions, be sure to contact me. I would love to be of service. Have a “beautiful” day because you are!

Sarah Cook has worked on a volunteer basis for over 18 years in the children’s, youth, and women’s ministries at her church. For the last 15 years, Sarah has enjoyed being a mentor and coach to hundreds of women in and out of her direct sales skin care and cosmetics organization.

Sarah can be best described as upbeat, passionate, and engaging. She graduated with a BA in Family Studies from Utah State University and has been married to her husband Jerry for 16 years. Together they have 3 children, Jacob, Clarissa and Jonathan. Sarah enjoys home-schooling their oldest two children and spending time with her family.

So, as you probably already know our Back to the Basics of Life Seminar Series is underway. We have had two amazing weeks in the seminar and 2 more weeks to go in this series. It is going super well. We are excited though to up the fabulousness of this event and we’re offering bonuses.

So, if you haven’t signed up for the seminar series you need to now, by clicking here. Then at the bottom of the Thank you page that will appear as soon as you sign up, you will see the bonuses that we are offering. So, don’t miss out…go, sign up! CLICK HERE.

This weekend I took some BIG steps of faith, overcame some of my own fears and obstacles and i am ready for what God has around the next corner.  I hope this video will provide some encouragement to you on overcome your own fears and obstacles and to take some steps of faith.

Good manners, they are something we may all hope that our children possess, but have you ever really thought about why manners are practiced? Recently, I learned that it is not common practice for young people to say “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” in more Northern states, however, it is common practice and considered to be rude by children if they do not use these terms in the South. Growing up in the South, I have always practiced these terms of what we consider respect and have also taught my children to do the same.

Recently, in my Back to the Basics of Life Seminar Series, I taught on the subject of Etiquette and Manners and the question arose whether manners were “Biblical”. I did base the lesson around certain key verses of Scripture that I had already considered, but after being posed with this question I decided to do some more digging in Scripture to see what else the Bible had to say about manners. I found more than I had imagined.

The following are some examples:

“Even a child is known by his actions,by whether his conduct is pure and right.”

Proverbs 20:11 (NIV)

This verse tells us that we are to teach out children about correct conduct. We must of course search further in Scripture to determine what is “pure and right”.

We can find some examples in these verses:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

Luke 6:31 (NIV)

“Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel.”

Phillippians 1:27 (NIV)

All of these verses talk about how we are to conduct ourselves, from the way that we talk to the way that we act and treat others. To me, manners is all about “respect”, respect for God and man, showing others Christ through the way that we act and conduct ourselves. Manners can also be more specific however, basic manners respect yourself, God, your body, the body of Christ and those around you.

Other Scriptures for your reference include:

Luke 10:8

Proverbs 11:17

Psalm 141:3

1 Peter 4:9

1 Timothy 6: 18-19

Proverbs 15:8

Ephesians 6:1

Romans 12:13

Hebrews 10:24

Matthew 22:39

1 Peter 2:17

Sometimes we need to remember who it is all about…..not us! That’s for sure!

This week’s newsletter, via audio…on the subject of gossip. Have a listen.

“Good night, sweet dreams, I love you!”

These have been our closing words at tuck-in time for a while now. I remember them from my own childhood and never meant to carry on that tradition, but somehow, after being said a few times, the mantra stuck. This comforting night-time phrase is just one of the many thoughts and gestures of love that were shown to me by my parents and that I strive to pass on to my children. However, my parents also passed along to me many things that are distinctly unloving: criticism, anger, selfishness—you name it! All of these are things that Jesus Christ has been able to change in me, and I now want to pass along to my children a legacy of faith that includes the value of love—the true love which is only found through our Lord and Savior.

It has occurred to me, though, that no matter how important it is to say the words, “I love you,” it’s even more important to live them. We’d all agree that that’s true—but when it comes down to it, how well do we live out the love of God? Not our understanding of love, but the unconditional and selfless love that Jesus modeled for us.

In Jesus’ own words, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). I don’t think He was just referring to His own physical death, but also to the way He “lay down his life” on a daily basis—giving up what He wanted and, instead, doing what was needed for those He loved. He gave up sleep, food, career, family relationships, and more, all to show us the way to eternal life and abundant life.

When I compare that standard to what I evidence to my children on a consistent basis, it’s easy to see how often I fall short of God’s ideal in living out a life of love. As I recall one mother writing (and unfortunately, I don’t remember the source), “Being a mother showed me how selfish I truly was.” How true! So often, we’d rather do what’s convenient for us, instead of what’s best for our children and family. We pursue our own agendas and schedules instead of prayerfully following along with God’s plans. We talk of love, but in the next breath we’re responding harshly to a child’s repeated questions.

If we want to raise spiritually fit children who love the Lord as we do, we’ve got to know the love of God and share it with our children. We do this best by showing them physical affection, sharing words of affirmation, performing acts of service, sometimes giving them small gifts or treats, and spending quality time with them. (Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell do a fine job of describing all of these facets of love in The Five Love Languages of Children.) Aside from modeling this value as the best method of teaching it to our children, there are some other practical things we should address in order to provide them with a solid foundation in Christlike character.

Though children may receive our love and be able to express love to others, they may have difficulty grasping the concept of “loving God,” since they cannot see or touch him. It is important, then, that in addition to all the other aspects of “love,” we help our children understand how we love God.

Ultimately, our love for God is expressed by our obedience to his Word. Jesus told his disciples, “Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me” (John 14:21; see also John 14:15). Therefore, it’s important for us to spend time in the Word so that we know what it is God wants us to do. This may include personal reading, listening to Bible teachings, participating in a Bible study, or reading Bible-based books. However, there is no substitute for simply reading the Bible.

It is important, also, that we pray. We can both speak to God and hear from Him in the quietness of prayer. We are admonished to “pray continually” (1 Thessalonians 5:17). A constant thought-life of prayer keeps us focused on the Lord, makes us more aware of his presence, and draws us closer to him. Isn’t that what a love relationship is all about?

By encouraging the habits of Bible-reading and prayer (and obedience to the Word) in our children and guiding them in an understanding of how these actions express their love for God, we are laying the foundation for their lifetime love relationship with the Lord.

Love is just one of the many values that God values—one of the many character traits that He wants to grow in us as we follow Christ. As parents, it’s our job to show this love and encourage our children to express it as well. Though that may seem obvious, it’s important to remember that love isn’t just something that we “do”—it’s a fruit of the Spirit (see Galatians 5:22). While we do need to do our part in expressing love, we can’t live the love of God without allowing Him to work in and through us by the power of the Holy Spirit. So, as you teach your children to read and obey the Word and pray, make sure you’re praying—it’s one of the most powerful tools in your parenting toolbox: “be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God… And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests” (Ephesians 6:10-11a and 18).

Cynthia Carrier is the homeschooling mom of seven children and author of The Growing Homeschool: Integrating Babies and Toddlers into Your Already Busy Schedule and the children’s character training coloring book, Growing to be Like Jesus. She has been a popular speaker at homeschool conventions and events. The focus of Marc and Cindy’s “Values-Driven” ministry is to encourage and equip Christian families to make the most of every opportunity; that is, to serve God, participate in fulfilling the Great Commission, and raise children who love and serve the Lord. For more information about their resources, for fresh inspiration on your family journey, or to find practical helps-including dozens of FREE DOWNLOADS, visit http://www.ValuesDrivenFamily.com.

Photo credit: SXC

This post was originally published by Sisterlisa Growing in Grace Magazine on June 1, 2009.  Sisterlisa is one of the speakers for our upcoming Back to the Basics of Life Seminar Series.  Please sign up for the series here. Enjoy SisterLisa’s article below:

Over the years we have seen friendships come and go and most of those times it has been painful. I have seen friends move on in ministry and move away to fulfill God’s plan for their lives and although I was happy for them, my heart grieved over the thought of not fellowshipping with them as often anymore. I have had times when I volunteered in church nursery with other women that I grew quite close to. Then a ministry change happens and that intimate fellowship gets interrupted. I have learned through the years that what we do for the Lord may not always be what He wants for us for a lifetime, but rather for a season.

Something that my family has come to understand in a deeper more intense way is that The Body is not a one denomination inclusive group. In the Rescue Ministry we serve the Lord in, we have had great opportunities to meet fantastic Believers in a variety of church fellowships.

My husband has surrendered to the Lord to travel with this ministry to help introduce the kind of help we offer at The Well Ministry of Rescue and The Sarah Home for Women. This journey for us has been an amazing one, to say the least. We are still just at the beginning of this journey, but watching the Lord open doors that were firmly shut for ten years, suddenly become wide open and has been triumphant!

Although this journey for us is exciting, I was made aware of the feelings that others feel about our decision. The Holy Spirit reminded me of what it was like for me when friends moved on in the past. A dear sweet friend of mine came to me in tears over us going in this direction, because this journey involves us not being in the same fellowship as often as before. She told me how she is sad, but happy at the same time and it became evident to me how much she truly loves me. I had not known she had such a deep abiding love for our friendship.

Yet, not everyone has come to us with those same feelings. Most people don’t like change, especially a change that comes between the frequency of those sweet fellowship times. I have seen over the years that many people don’t quite know how to respond. Some show angry emotions, some critical and judgmental, and some don’t seem to show any response at all. Perhaps they just don’t know what to think or how to feel about it.

The fellowship that we won’t be frequenting as often, is one that involves hundreds of people and there is no way we can adequately keep in touch with each family individually. Yet there are networking opportunities to all of us on the internet that makes it a lot easier to keep in touch.

There are some people who are reluctant to logging into a social network like Facebook or Twitter, but are two that we enjoy and know how to use in a safe manner. Some people choose to build blogs or message board forums to get all the latest updates on friends and family. I feel these are good ways to keep in touch with The Body all over the world.

Our family has been so blessed in so many different ways by our Father since we responded to the Lord in the calling He has given to us. While this is an exciting time for us we do not want to lose touch with the Body of Believers we fellowshipped with for fourteen years and we want to keep in touch with the other Believers we are finding along the way. Social Networking on the internet is NO replacement for fellowship in person, but it sure helps keep the lines of communication open and keep each other up to date on prayer requests and praise reports!

We have come to understand more deeply that The Body is not limited to one building in one corner of town, but rather all over the globe. I feel that many times we get tunnel vision, in our busy lives, and forget the rest of The Body that is living all around us. Denominations sure have come to build up brick walls all around us and have kept us apart for so long. I came to discover that there are no denominations in the Bible.

1 Corinthians 1:11-13, ” 11For it hath been declared unto me of you, my brethren, by them which are of the house of Chloe, that there are contentions among you. 12Now this I say, that every one of you saith, I am of Paul; and I of Apollos; and I of Cephas; and I of Christ. 13Is Christ divided? was Paul crucified for you? or were ye baptized in the name of Paul? “(KJV)

I think I knew that already, but it became very evident to me recently.

1 Peter 2:5, “Ye also, as lively stones, are built up a spiritual house, an holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices, acceptable to God by Jesus Christ.” (Geneva Bible 1599)

We may not like the same meals, but one day we will feast together with the Father around His table and the choices between enchiladas and cheeseburgers won’t even matter. Let’s not forget the rest of The Body. We are everywhere! Don’t forget The Body, we all matter in God’s eyes.

2 Peter 3:9, “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; 9 but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.”(Geneva Bible 1599)

Sisterlisa is the owner and Editor-in-Chief of Growing in Grace Magazine and owner of AGMinistries, a devotion blog for women. She is married and homeschools her four children while remaining active in serving the Lord in her community.

One of my favorites. We must make this our prayer. This is submitting to God’s will in our lives. Will you do so today?

The basics of life, what do you think of when you hear that phrase? The answers may be different for everyone, but for me there are some basic “life lessons” that we need to teach to our daughters. There are a few things that I hope my daughter will embrace and learn during her “growing up years” that will help her to thrive as a person and that she will be able to share with others, and pass on to her own children.

Some of these are lessons of manners, friendship, character and inner beauty. These are the “life lessons” we want to share with you at an upcoming Seminar Series I have put together with some amazing Christian ladies who share my heart for ministry and for our daughters.

We will be presenting this Back to the Basics of Life Seminar Series, every Tuesday evening in October at 6 pm PST / 8 pm CST / 9 pm EST. It begins Tuesday, October 6. We would love for you to join us. You can find more information about the seminar series and sign up for login info here.

Won’t you join us?

Last weekend I spent some time cleaning out my closet. I got rid of all the clothes and shoes that no longer fit, the maternity clothes I do not plan to use anymore, and the clothes that were just plain worn out and got rid of them or donated them. The process, though not exactly fun, was rewarding because it meant that my closet is neater, the clothes that I do have are easier to find and just the fact that I could purge some items was refreshing.

Are there some things in your life that need to be “cleaned out” like my closet? There are often things in our lives that could use a good cleaning out. These things could include: your relationships, your grudges and most importantly your heart.

The Bible says in Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (NKJV) Sometimes, there are things in our lives that need cleaning. We have to clean out those relationships that are becoming stumbling blocks in our lives, rather than stepping stones. Sometimes, this may mean that your relationships need some mending, other times it may mean you just need to let the relationship go.

Another area of life where you can do some cleaning is “grudges”. Are you holding a grudge against anyone in your life? Do you need to seek their forgiveness? Do you need to approach them and talk through the situation? Forgiveness is often needed to push through and “clean out” a situation in our lives.

Finally, our hearts, as Scripture says we must want a clean heart, that only God can give. A heart free from sin, from burdens, this means getting rid of it all and laying it at God’s feet. What do you need to clean out today?

Photo credit: SXC

If you can ignore the old school hairstyles and wardrobe and just listen to the words this is a great song.  It is from my junior high days if I’m not mistaken.  Anyway, I love the song and it has been some “inspiration” for a new project of mine.

Integrity, it is one of the traits that I learned from my parents, by their actions.  My mom and dad were people who “practiced what they preached” and that in layman’s terms is what I believe integrity is, though more specifically it is “the state of being complete, unified.”

I believe that when I have integrity, my words and my deeds match up.  People with integrity have nothing to hide and nothing to fear.  As a youth leader I have told youth dozens of times, garbage in, garbage out.  Your thoughts will come out in your actions.

The Bible says that “Where your treasure is your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21 (NIV) A person of integrity has their heart in the right place.  Their priorities are in the right order and they practice what they preach.  They maintain their promises and they live their beliefs.

So, my question for you is, “Are you a mom of integrity?” Be a mom of integrity, a mom who follows through with her warnings for discipline, they’ll thank you for it later.  Be a mom, who does not participate in the things that she warns her children again.  Be a mom who models by example the principles she hopes her children will embrace.

Only by being a person of integrity will others follow after you, and will you be a positive influence on those around you, especially your children.  Of anyone in our lives, it is our children that we hope to influence the most.

The following is a guest post from a friend of mine, Dr. Daisy Sutherland:

If you are unaware of what 3 R’s I am referring to they are : Respect, Responsibility and Renewal.

We can even add a 4th R to the mix, Retro.

Now you may be wondering how all these R’s apply to our lives, well, let me explain.

We as parents have roles to follow…we are to nurture, guide and love our children but most importantly prepare them for the ‘real world’.

That is where the R’s come into play. By adapting a Retro way of teaching..we can go back to the time when our parents and our parents were raising their children.

Today’s society is a bit scary for adults, you can only imagine how scary it is for our children. But if we teach them the 3R’s and how to apply them to their lives, they can survive.

Respect – this is a very important word with a strong meaning. Not only should children be taught to respect their elder, their bodies, their property..they should also be taught how Respect will work in the real world. When you show respect to others, it is shown to you. When you respect your occupation and all it entails, your life is easier. People will see that you not only respect others, but that you respect your life and all it involves. This is a very important lesson to teach our children.

Responsibility – it is extremely important to teach our children the meaning of responsibility. We must all be responsible for our actions, our thoughts and beliefs. It is not enough to say, that something is not our fault. It may very well not be our fault, but it is still our responsibility, especially if it involves us, our property or our life in general. Responsibility is something that should be taught early on in life and continue to practice it. It is not enough to teach and not practice what you preach. This lesson will teach them the meaning when they grow up to be adults and are faced with decisions that must be made.

Renewal - this is a powerful word with an even more powerful meaning. Many believe that when they make a choice or decision that they must live with their decisions forever. This is not always true. As creatures creator by our Heavenly Father, we are not perfect. We are to make mistakes and most importantly learn from our mistakes. For instance, if a teen makes a decision that was not necessarily the right one at the time, and they realize this later..there is a time for renewal. You do not need continue that same path. It works the same for adults. If they make a decision for their family or their job and it doesn’t work out, do they give up or continue on? Renewal means that you can have a fresh start and make your life a better one. There is only one judge and He loves us and knows when we are going to make the decision that may not be the right one for us. He gives us the freedom of choice, but we do not have to live with it, if it turns out to be a wrong choice. Renewal is something that is should be taught from an early age and continue throughout our lives.

I go into much more detail about the 3R’s and applying them to our parenting in my Reserved Only program. A program not only for parents of teens, but for all parents. The lessons contained are those that can be taught from an early age and applied throughout.

As a Retro Parenting Coach, I am here to help you with the daily struggles we all lead, especially in today’s society. Together we work to help you gain clarity and the confidence to parent your children to the best of your ability. And that’s all that matters, isn’t it?

Dr. Daisy Sutherland is the Founder and CEO of Dr. Mommy, LLC.  The mission of Dr. Mommy is to help you to help your family.  Dr. Daisy Sutherland has 18+ years of experience as a devoted wife, mother, writer, speaker and more years as a Doctor and Total Wellness Expert  She has learned that good parenting is a balance between healthy living – mind, body and spirit.  Dr. Mommy’s dedication to helping parents and families is evident from her work online and offline and more importantly it is evident from the high energy she exudes when talking about her true passion – helping you to help your family, in health and in life in general.

This song, explains the way I feel about worship right now:

Isn’t it a wonderful feeling when things are going your way in life?  Sometimes, this is true, while other times it is the furthest thing from the truth.  While we may not have control over every thing in our lives, we can know who controls our lives and we can talk to him about our lives daily.

Prayer is “communication with God”.  Through prayer we can receive “power” from the Holy Spirit.  The Bible says in Acts 1:8,

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

These were Jesus’ words to his disciples but they still apply to us today.  We truly have a “lifeline” to power in our lives, to knowledge, to blessings, if we just ask for them.  James 1:5 says,

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

It also says, “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” Matthew 21:22.  These are Biblical truths that we should embrace.  Once you learn to embrace them you will know that you can go to God and that He will answer your prayers.  He may not answer right away, he may not answer with a yes, his answer might be wait, not right now or later, but he will answer.

Give it a try!

This weekend was “Labor Day” Weekend and while many across the blogosphere gave you their “labor” stories of birthing their babies, I am going to give you a different kind of labor story.  I spent my labor day weekend putting the final touches on and laboring over a project that has been one of the longest “labor” experiences I have ever had.

The idea of creating charm school materials that encompassed the many things that I learned in modeling school as a teenager, combined with Biblical concepts has been a dream of mine since I was a teenager.  I attended modeling school at age 15, worked as a modeling instructor at age 17, and directed a satellite location of a modeling school for several years in my early 20s.

The concepts that I learned in modeling school gave me confidence, helped me to “come out of my shell” and shaped my shy personality into a more confident demeanor.  I am convinced that God put the opportunity in my path as a stepping stone to his future plans for my life.

The missing piece in modeling school was the “Biblical” influence and the knowledge that God created each of us unique and that he has a plan for our lives.  This is what so many of the girls I attended modeling school with,  taught in modeling school and modeled along side for years were missing.  They had a hole in their lives they were needing to fill but the things that were offered in the modeling world would never truly fill that void.

I knew this as a Christian and though I shared with many girls my faith, I wanted to do more.  This is why creating workshops that taught the same principles I learned in modeling school, of “speaking up with confidence”, of “having good posture” and many more paired with God’s Word became a dream of mine.

I have labored over these materials for years, literally, coming back to the idea from time to time, creating a keynote speech or two which I gave at churches, retreats and events over the past 3-4 years.  Then, I began getting contacted about whether or not I had these materials in print for others to use in their own churches.  The truth was I did not, but I wanted to.  This spurred me on to creating the workbook, so between having 2 babies in two years, I wrote the workbook.  I launched it on my website last September and have sold numerous ebook (digital) copies.  Then I began receiving emails about a “leader guide” to accompany the workbook.  This took some time to create and I completed it this July.

Yesterday, the dream of seeing these materials in actual print rather than ebook form became a reality.  I took them to a local printer and had them printed.  Copies are now available on my website, Christian Charm School.com.  I am also talking with a publisher about getting them published and in bookstores.  This is an exciting time and the labor of my newest baby is coming to an end.

Saying “I love you”, it is something we can not do too often. Even when your children grow to become teenagers and may not seem to care whether you say “hello” or not, much less “I love you” it is still of utmost importance that you show your love to them and for them.

You may have heard of the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. This book lays out for you that there are five different ways in which people want to be shown love. It is assumed that every person holds one of these love languages as “preferred”, however, why not use these “love languages” as different ways to show your love for them, or if you know your child’s love language you could certainly show them your love through acts that are significant to that language.

The five love languages include:

• words of affirmation
• quality time
• receiving gifts
• acts of service
• and physical touch.

Everyone wants to feel loved. Showing our love for others doesn’t have to be extravagant. A simple, “I am proud of you” goes a long way for someone whose love language is “words of affirmation”. An afternoon spent chatting over ice cream is huge for someone whose love language is “quality time”. A small trinket is a “big deal” for someone whose love language is “receiving gifts”. Cleaning ones room is a wonderful way to show someone whose love language is “acts of service” that you care. While a big hug after a long day at school makes someone whose love language is “physical touch” feel super special.

Photo credit: gonhara

Many times you hear of supporting a “good cause”, from giving money to a children’s hospital to walking in a walk that raises money for cancer patients there are a world of “good causes” out there that you can be apart of and teach your children about, however there is no greater cause than the cause of Christ.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe that we should support great causes such as those I mentioned, but even more so, I believe we should teach our children to be “mission-minded”.

I grew up in a “mission-minded” church, today I attend and volunteer in another “mission-minded” church.  These church families believe in missions, “telling others the good news of Jesus Christ”.  We support missions through prayer, education and financial support, some of our members go on mission trips and we do our best to spread the good news of Jesus Christ.  As a child I attended a missions group for girls and I now direct a similar group for teen girls in my local church.

I hope to raise “mission-minded” kids.  It is my goal that they understand that missions is “every Christian’s responsibility” not just those who choose to give more by becoming a missionary and traveling to or living on the other side of the world, but we are all called to “live out” the Great Commission,

“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Matthew 28:18-20 (NIV)

Teach your daughter about missions, give her the opportunity to give to and pray for missions, maybe even take a “family mission trip” or allow her to go with a group on a missions trip. It will be a life changing experience. It will make an impact on her.

Never forget why we are saved, to carry on the news of salvation to others, and that involves being “missions-minded”, it is our Greatest Mission!

Photo credit: ba1969

Little girls, they play dress up, talk to imaginary friends and dream of being grown up. They  create tea parties for their teddy bears, teach an imaginary classroom full of students and build an entire Barbie empire in their bedroom.  Right or are these activities lost in the new age hustle and bustle and avalanche of technology? Are they being replaced by Wii games, dancing to Ipod music and created dream houses on computer games or hand held Nintendo DS systems? 

As good as technology is and as many things as it has allowed us as a society to do, there is a time for it, and then there is a time for letting little girls, be well little girls and there are things that they can learn from good old fashioned activities, such as dress up and tea parties.

As a child the activities I loved the most were the ones that allowed me to use my imagination,  from imaginary friends to teaching a room full of imaginary students in my imaginary classroom known as my bedroom I enjoyed every minute of those times where I used my imagination for play.  Unfortunately, as our children are growing up in an age of technological advances much of this type play is slowly diminishing.

There is something you can do about this.  Limiting your daughter’s time that she uses “technology” to play is important to help her continue to use and grow her imagination.  Plus, she will learn to enjoy those activities that don’t involve technology even more.

As mom and daughter you can enjoy these activities together.  Invite a few friends and their daughters over for a “mother daughter tea party”, play dress up with your daughter allowing her to try on your clothes and fix her up in your makeup,  allow her to enjoy the experience and use it to bond with her.

It is through these special activities that you can get to know your daughter better, that you can see the twinkle in her eyes and you can influence her heart.  It is never too early to begin, as you want her to see you as someone she can have fun with, so that later on in life she will look to you for someone that she can truly learn from and share with every activity she enjoys and every dream that lies within her heart.

photo credit: Donna & Andrew

The power of the Internet allows us to do amazing things these days. More and more I am getting excited about the ways that it allows me to be involved in ministry that I would never have been able to do without it. This includes the ability to speak to women and girls all over the country from the comfort of my living room using my computer.

I have recently spoken at two online conferences, A Woman Inspired and The Ultimate Homeschool Expo. The creators of A Woman Inspired have now created a teen version for girls called God’s Girls Online Conference which is absolutely FREE for the girls to attend. All they need is their computer and some speakers to listen in.

I’ll be speaking on the topic of prayer journaling. The conference will be Friday, August 21st in the evening and Saturday, August 22nd. I don’t know my exact speaking time yet, will let you know as soon as I hear! I hope you will share this with the teen girls in your life and encourage them to attend.

Over a year ago I wrote the Christian Charm School Workbook.  It was written as a “student workbook” and I had every intention of writing a leader guide as a companion to it.  However,  time, life, and more slipped away from me and it just did not get done.

I put it on my 2009 List of Goals and I was determined to do it.  Finish it.  Launch it.  Sell it.  So, now I have done it, finished it and now I am officially “launching” it.  So, it’s now your turn.  It is my hope that you will Go, buy it!

The leader guide is the long awaited companion to the student workbook and will give you all the information that you need to share Christian Charm School with your own daughter as a part of homeschool curriculum, with your small group at church as a part of a study, with a group of girls in your community or homeschool coop, wherever you choose.  The best part is we at Beauty by Design Ministries give you all the tools that you need to make it happen.

If you go to the official Christian Charm School website you can sign up in the yellow box midway down the page to receive more info as a “group leader”.  This will give you access to a vault of information that only those on the group leader list receive.

This vault includes:

• a flyer – to promote  your Christian Charm School Workshop
• a information pack – to give out to possible attendees
• a special audio – for you as a group leader to listen to for more information
• a sneek peek of the Christian Charm School Workbook (the student version)

The Christian Charm School official website just launched and has all the information that you need, it is a “VAULT” of additional information.    So, head over to the website, sign up in the yellow box for more information and receive access to the vault.

You can then decide which of our multiple purchase options is right for you!  You’re sure to find something that fits both your budget and your needs.

I can’t wrap up this post without mentioning to you that if you love Christian Charm School Workshop materials that you could earn extra income for promoting them.  Simply sign up for our affiliate program.

I’m not sure where I learned it, or even if I did, but somewhere along the way over my lifetime I have developed a servant’s heart. It is one characteristic that I am blessed to be developing, and one that I admire in others.  Being a servant is one of the key traits of Jesus Christ, and as a Christian I have been in the process of becoming more like Jesus daily.

If this concept can be taught, then it is one I believe that we should definitely pass on to our daughters. Maybe it’s one that can only be “caught” as I spoke of recently, but either way it is worth attempting to teach, in one way or another.

The Bible likens servant hood with greatness. It says in Matthew 20: 25-28,

“Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

In my eyes, having a servant’s heart means several things, these things include:

Seeing others through the eyes of Jesus. As a result you don’t see others the way that they truly are, but rather how they could be. So many times we see other’s sin and we begin to hold it against them, we hate the sinner rather than the sin, when God hates the sin, not the sinner. We must see other’s through the eyes of Jesus to truly be humble enough to serve. After all, Christianity is not only about serving God, but also serving others.

Seeing needs and meeting them. There are needs all around us, needs that need to be met, but so often times are ignored.  As one with a servant heart you will see those needs and be willing to meet them.  A true servant heart will also do so without being asked.

Doing what you can, when you can, because you can. A person with a servant’s heart will not only see the need and meet it but will do so often, and will make it their mission to serve.  They will consistently and frequently look for ways that they can serve.  They understand the heart of ministry and go out of their way to be a part of it, where ever they are, whenever they can.  They don’t wait around for opportunities to serve, they create them.

Teach your daughter to have a servant’s heart.  Teach her what it means to serve.  You can help to encourage them to serve by discussing with them what it means, pointing out to them those who serve in  your church and what they do to serve, help them to realize that everyone can serve, but not everyone serves alike.  Help them to realize we are all gifted in certain areas, but that sometimes we just need to do what needs to be done, no matter what our gifts.

Thinking back to my own years in grade school I attempt to recall how I felt.  I know I was painfully shy and attempted to just “blend” in and not be noticed.  Though I don’t recall it at this time, I’m sure there were incidences of “mean girls” even in my day, but fortunately for me, I don’t remember it so much.  Unfortunately, for most girls today “mean girls” and their viciousness is quite rampant in today’s society.

How do you teach your daughter to deal with the “mean girls” no matter what her age?  They seem to be starting this syndrome earlier and earlier.  So, we must equip our daughter(s) to deal with it.  How, you ask? I believe many of the principles that we should teach our daughter(s), no matter if they are dealing with mean girls or not are the same principles that will equip her to deal with them.

The Golden Rule. Matthew 7:12 says, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (NIV)  So many times girls are hurt, and rightly so but they begin to focus inward, on their own thoughts and feelings and they never give a thought to the other person.  Many times girls are “mean” and vicious because of a lack of something, whether it be love, attention, or something else.  Encourage your daughter to treat the “mean girl” as she wants to be treated, not how they treat her.

Empower her. Help your daughter to focus on her own positive traits and abilities.  So many times “mean girls” target those girls who seem to have no self-esteem or a low self-esteem.  In many ways they are making it easier on themselves.  It is easier to put down a person who is already low to begin with, but if your daughter is thinking “positively” and using her own good qualities to bring up her self-esteem and empower herself she is less likely to be a victim of the “mean girls”.

Build her relationships. Again, many times girls are picked on by the “mean girls” because they are easily centered out from the others.  Have your daughter to focus on building relationships so that she is never caught alone and so she isn’t easily pegged.  A lack of good, healthy relationships in a girl’s life is one of the reasons that “mean girls’ exist in the first place.  Finding like-minded individuals in which she has things in common can help her to build good, positive relationships, which she will carry throughout life and which will be an encouragement to her.

Unfortunately, the mean girls likely won’t go away, however your daughter’s tendency to be picked on by them can change with the right focus in your daughter’s life.  Be an agent of positive change in your daughter’s life to help her to deal with and combat the role of the “mean girls” in her life.

I have heard it said many times, “Values are better caught than taught”.  Are there values or morals that you are hoping to teach your children? Do you attempt to “teach” these values or do you live them?  Are they a part of who you are and with your daily life do you show that you have that value or moral belief?

I believe that our morals and values or beliefs are shown in our actions.  If you are truly showing what you believe in then you will be “living” what you believe.  As a result your children will witness those beliefs and will begin to take them as their own, thus “catching” them.  That is why you must LIVE it.  If you don’t believe in becoming drunk with wine and are trying to teach your children to abstain from drinking alcohol then you must not do it yourself.  If you are attempting to teach your children to honor God and not devalue him by taking his name in vain then do not do it yourself.  It is that simple.

The same can be true for things that you want your children to put in high regard.  If you want them to read their Bible daily then model that action for them.  Children can learn both negative and positive actions from their parents.  Don’t you want what you are teaching them by example to be only what is “good”?

So, think about what your children are catching and if it is what you are wanting them to get or not.  Maybe you need to change your own actions or attitudes to make sure they are “worth catching”.

Recently, I joined the Thomas Nelson team of Review Bloggers. I thought it would be the perfect opportunity to review some great Christian literature and materials that I could in turn recommend to you, the moms of girls of all ages.  This is my first review and it was a winner.  God’s Little Princess Devotional Bible: Bible Storybook is a gem. 

It is small and beautiful, and just what any princess would want.  But more than that it is packed with meaningful and quality material.  The pages of the Bible are bright and colorful and perfect for young girls.  Author Sheila Walsh does a great job of presenting Bible stories and Scripture in a unique manner.  Presented in the same order of our beloved Scriptures but with a twist.  She slips in easy to understand play scripts for a young girl to “act out” with her mom the stories of the Bible, fun beauty tips, as well as activities that help her to interact with and better understand God’s truths.

The Bible is beautiful and the font is not only pretty but large print which makes it easy to read.  Its pages are thick and the quality is one that will hold up to the wear and tear of little fingers.  There are also plenty of illustrations to keep a girl’s attention as well.

This Bible fits perfectly with the Biblical principles of Godly beauty that we at Beauty by Design Ministries urge girls to embrace.  We will be giving away this Bible at our event this weekend at Second Baptist Church in Koscuisko, Mississippi to one lucky girl.

I have wondered and wondered how to get press coverage for my ministry. Sure, I’ve written or had written a press release or two, but I have not had much come from them.  But tonight I was checking my website stats and found some great coverage and results from my Press releases as well as my Article Marketing.

Find my press coverage here and here and an article of mine here.

By the way, I am gearing up for Vacation Bible School here, I’m directing it at my church this next week, June 15-19.  I’m also beginning a Live TV show over at MomTV.com.  Watch the big announcement here.  Then, it’ll be time to put all my thoughts towards my next event, Christian Charm School Workshop to be held Friday, June 26 – Saturday, June 27 in Kosciusko, MS.

We must prepare ourselves to live for God no matter what life brings us. This is something that we should learn to do from a young age. Because, the fact is no matter how young you are, or no matter how old you are, life is not “a bed of roses”. Life will slam you with many things.

You must be firmly planted. In order to face life’s challenges, in order to stay strong come what may you must have faith. Faith, as Scripture says, “Comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.” (Romans 10:17) After we have accepted through faith, Jesus Christ into our lives we must then begin the process of “growing” in our faith. This is what will allow us to be “firmly planted” come what may.

As Ephesians 4 states,

“But to each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. 8This is why it[a] says:
“When he ascended on high,
he led captives in his train
and gave gifts to men.”

It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.” Ephesians 4: 7-16

Therefore, this growth is important it is what prepares us to be able to stand firm, “come what may”. So, begin now no matter what your age to grow in your faith. If you are not already doing so begin a daily quiet time with God, spending time in prayer and in Bible study. Seek out a mentor and spend time with them, someone who is Godly and more mature spiritually than yourself. Regularly attend worship services, becoming actively involved in the church through service. These are all things that will help you to grow in your faith and as a result not be shifted like sand when life’s challenges come about you can stand firm, “come what may”.

Photo Credit: Martin LaBar

Alyssa looks back over the past year of hiatus from the show and then looks back on the past 10 years and what God has done. She shares her heart, her testimony and encouragement for you and your daughter as she looks back maybe you can too. Then look ahead to what God can do in your life and in the life of your daughter.

God can do some amazing things. Reflect on what he is doing in your life. Listen as Alyssa shares what he has done and is doing in hers. God has a journey for you just like he has one for hers.

If you haven’t heard me speak or teach before then you’re in for a treat. I have been given the opportunity to teach or speak online twice. Once I did live today at 1 pm and secondly will be held on Monday, June 8, at 2pm CST / 3 pm EST as a part of the A Woman Inspired online conference.

Today, I taught with Cindy Rushton as a part of the Ultimate Homeschool Expo. The topic was0″ Godly Girl Time: Instilling Spiritual Disciplines.” I had an awesome time sharing with the ladies on the call and you can listen to the archives over at Blog Talk Radio.

At the upcoming A Woman Inspired Conference, I will be speaking on the topic of “Finding Your Passion”. You can find more information here.

Here’s a bit more info from the site and some pertinant dates and deadlines:

We are offering a free starter guide to beginning your own ministry online. Everyone who purchases a ticket between now and May 29th will receive the free e-book. Get your ticket for only $12.95! Don’t let time slip away… register now!

Through my blog you get to know me pretty well, but it is my turn to get to know you, “my readers”. Please pretty please take the time to take my reader survey. One lucky reader will receive a $20 Amazon Gift card or if you prefer $20 in Paypal cash as a THANK YOU!

Click here to take the survey. You’re the best!

I really appreciate it. Survey will be open through Thursday, May 21.

Leave me a quick comment to let me know you did it!

Sometimes as moms, we get the crazy idea that because we have become responsible for the lives of precious little children, that we should focus solely on them and leave our own thoughts and ideas for ourselves behind.  This should not be the case.  We as moms should be true to ourselves, use the passions and gifts that God has given us and set some goals for ourselves.

These goals will not only benefit us, as people, but also our families as well.  Its kind of like the old saying, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.” Naturally, our children, husbands, families and others around us will benefit from us taking care of ourselves and doing things that will help us to feel more productive and successful.

The Lord also expects us to use the gifts that he has given us.  He tells us in Scripture that without every part of the body of Christ functioning at its best it will not work.

“ If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has combined the members of the body and has given greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.”
1 Corinthians 12:19-27

This scripture passage makes it clear why it is so important for us to use what God has given us. He gave us those gifts and abilities so we can function as a part of the body of Christ, and that includes our families.  We have a responsibility to our families to do our part.  Part of that is setting goals for not only us but for our families as well.

So, mom, how about you setting some goals?  Here are a few tips to get you started:

Family goals can include your marriage, your children, or the whole family.  They can be fun or serious.  Fun goals might be to save money for a vacation, or to have family night every Saturday night, while goals that are more serious might include paying off debt or seeking to improve your marriage.

Then you will also want to set some individual goals just for you.  There are probably things you have put on the backburner or put off doing altogether because you have become a mom, why not take one of those things to focus on a year and make it happen.

Whether the goals are for your family or for you, it will be so fulfilling to make them a reality.  Of course, once one goal is accomplished it is time to set a new one and begin working to achieve it.  It is a never-ending process that you and your family can always benefit from, so keep it up.

Girls,  How many times has your momma said this, “Because I said so.” When my momma said it, she backed it with a promise.  She meant business.  I knew  my mom meant business, but she also modeled obedience for me.  She expected me to obey, but she also obeyed God.  She modeled this for me.

She made time for me.  She made his teachings a part of our daily life.  God’s commandments in my home were rules to live by, not just because my mom said so, but because God said so.  God says the same thing.  He expects us to do things because He says so.

The Bible says in Ephesians 6:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise – that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Ephesians 6:1-3

You see, God tells us to do something and He backs it up with a promise. And you know what?  God keeps His promises. How many times have you promised someone something and NOT kept your promise?  Or maybe someone promised you something and they didn’t keep their promise.  But with God, He ALWAYS keeps His promises.

He tells us to obey our parents, and our parents must obey God.  He also gives them a command, it is found in Deuteronomy 6

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them  when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”  Deuteronomy 6:5-9

We as parents are to teach our children to love God,  as a result of this love our children will learn to honor and obey God,  this will cause them to learn to be obedient.  Honor comes through obedience.

When we learn to obey and honor our parents we are being obedient to God and we will therefore receive His promises.

Parents will often make promises to us as well.  As parents we must follow through with our promises in order to help our children to learn obedience.  My parents were ones to keep their promises whether it was a promise of punishment if I disobeyed or a promise of something I wanted or was wishing for.

I had to first learn to be obedient.  Even when my momma said, “Because I said so.”

“Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)

“Without faith it is impossible to please God.” Hebrews 11:6 (NIV)

If you have ever struggled through any situation in life, and you’re a Christian, then you probably understand the process of faith. It is by faith that we come to know and believe in Christ. It is by faith that we walk, not by sight. Does anyone besides me find this a difficult thing to do sometimes? I think that we all struggle. Without struggles, valley experiences in our life, we would never be able to soar above the mountaintops. Don’t you agree?

My faith has gotten me through many things in life, financial difficulties, and family illnesses. My first experiences with it that I remember I was around 13 or 14 years old and dealing with the severe illness of my grandfather, who we lost to cancer, at the age of 56. I then experienced it more and more throughout my teen years, dealing with friends, parents, making decisions about my future. God always seemed to make me wait on that next step. I always wanted the big picture, a road map, a completed puzzle, not just one piece, but he was faithful to reveal his plans to me piece by piece. He is still doing that today.

Since marrying, I have been through many difficult times financially, not certain where the next dollar would come from, but it always came sometimes 10 or 100 fold. Yes, I have actually had someone hand me a $1000 for nothing, a blessing yes, a miracle, no, just God’s work! I like to call it God’s miracle math. His math sure works better than mine.
With this comes learning to be faithful as well. I had to be a faithful servant and give back to God. I also had to be conservative with what God had given me. Those blessings of love offerings I have always tried to use to God’s glory. It has been through those blessings that I have been able to attend Seminary, debt free!

I could honestly go on and on about faith, not placing any importance on me, however giving GOD the glory! If you are struggling, keep walking in faith, and remember “we live by faith, not by sight.” 2 Corinthians 5:7 (NIV)

Photo credit: hamed

I’m not sure if you’ve heard the term, it is fairly new, but incredibly scary and life changing.  The term is sexting, the reality is it is happening and most likely your daughter knows someone who has participated in this activity, involving sending nude pictures from cell phone.

I was  shocked myself, when several months ago my mom informed me about a girl in my home town who had been caught doing this very thing, of course this was before the term “sexting” was created.  For the young girl, the consequences were minor, but for many teens as the news is showcasing the repercussions have been much worse including for some, jail time, which is about as serious as it comes.

So, how do you keep your daughter from sexting?  Open communication is key, besides this there are now also programs that you can utilize that will help you to monitor your teen’s cell phone activity and hopefully ensure that they will not participate in such activities.  Of course,  be prepared as your daughter could easily participate or be exposed to the activity via the acts of others and using phones of friends.

Also, you will need to check the Internet activity of your daughter as websites such as Facebook allow for photo posting as well.  Then, there are webcams that come with some computers or can be purchased fairly inexpensively that can allow teens to do more than just take a picture of themselves naked.

This is why active communication is necessary.  Begin now talking to your daughter about the reality of sexting, the consequences and why she should be sure to stay away from the activity.  Not only is it degrading but it is un-Biblical and harmful to her.

For an additional resource to help you to communicate with your daughter on this and other similar activities check out our guide: Seven Easy Tips: Encouraging Your Daughter to Say No.

There are times in our lives when we need someone to go to, but many times we wish we had someone that is removed from the situation that we are going through.  Many times the issues that we deal with have much to do with our family or friends, and therefore going to a friend or family member is difficult and too close for comfort, or maybe we just do not want to hear, “I told you so.”  No matter what the case is, it can be a rewarding to have a relationship with a  “mentor” in your life, someone outside your family or circle of friends to help you deal with the ups and downs of life.

A mentor, is someone who is more experienced than you in life that you can go to in time of need or that you can use as a sounding board to bounce issues off of or to brainstorm ideas with for any given situation.  They may or may not be “older” than you chronologically, but they should be someone whom you feel that you can benefit from in the area of  knowledge and life experience.

A mentor will help you by sharing their life experience with you, may often give advice or at least be there to listen, which is what most of us need in life, a shoulder to cry on a place to go when we just need to vent.

When choosing a mentor you will want to be sure to choose someone that you can trust.  When asking the person to be your mentor you will need to be ready to tell them what you will expect from the relationship and what they can expect from you.  You will want to decide how you will work your relationship and if you will meet together often, or how often you will communicate, generally what your relationship will mean to each of you.  You will want to set your expectations from the beginning so that neither of you are disappointed.

The process of mentoring and being a mentor can be a great experience if you know from the beginning what you hope to gain from it.

Photo credit: Lars Andreas

When I was younger I dreamed of what my life would be like in the future. I was looking for my “happily ever after.” Don’t you love those stories and movies that end in “happily ever after?” I know I do, and I wanted to find my “story”.

God loves “happily ever after” stories too. In fact, he’s the author of a bunch of them. In the Bible, the story of queen Esther is a happily ever after story. Have you ever read it? Esther was only a young girl when she became queen, but she was called out by God for a very special purpose and she accomplished a big part in his plan. She saved her people, the Jews. She was prepared to do so by God as she spent time alone with him.

If you want to discover the “happily ever after story” that God is writing for you, you too much spend time with him. When I was a young person I wanted to know the “big picture” I wanted God to show me every piece of the puzzle called “my life”, and he would, but God did so one piece at a time, not all at once. This was not always how I wished he would have done so, but slowly but surely as I spent time with him, I saw each piece as it fit together.

Pieces like breaking up with my long time boyfriend in the middle of my senior year in high school, all began to make sense as I met Mr. Right later that year. In that piece and every other piece of the puzzle called my life God was and is at work. He continues to work as he pieces together the pieces of my life, like bringing friends into my life, blessing me with children, growing my ministry, providing for my family, each piece is strategically placed together by the Father of all, and if I continue to follow him and go to him daily he’ll make this story of my life one that will surely end in those three little works, “happily ever after”.

Photo credit: dreamglow

Dear Readers:

I am looking to guest blog on the blogs of other Christian women whether your blog is a mom blog, a business blog or a ministry blog I’d love to come and make a guest post for you.

I would like to volunteer to blog about the following topics:

Faith
Family
Ministry
Mom-Daughter Relationships

If there is something you’d like to see me blog about on your blog that isn’t listed just suggest it and I’ll see what can do. To have me guest post on your blog simply leave a comment with your information below or contact me by email at alyssa @ beautybydesignonline.com (no spaces). I look forward to hearing from you.

Several weeks ago I volunteered at a DiscipleNow Weekend leading 7th-9th grade girls in Bible study.  One of the questions that they asked that stumped me a little was this, “How do I keep from repeating the same sin, or giving into the same temptation over and over?”

Now, week’s later I know exactly what I would say.  Though there may be other solutions, one of the best solutions that I have for this issue is “accountability”.  I look back on my teenage years and I remember having just one or two friends who took their faith as seriously as I did.  Those friends held me accountable for my actions.  Today, I have multiple friends who still do the same for me.

When looking for an accountability partner it is important to look for someone who is:

• Close to you in age. This may not necessarily mean chronological age, but could also mean “maturity” level.  We all mature at different speeds and you’ll want to take “Christian” maturity into account as well.  You will need to be on the same level with this person.
• Trustworthy. You will need to be able to discuss personal issues with the person and be able to trust that they will keep them confidential.
• Share the same morals and beliefs. In order to be able to hold each other accountable you will have to have the same morals and beliefs.  If you don’t believe in drinking alcohol but your accountability partner does, you won’t be able to truly be held accountable.

While an accountability partner cannot keep you from sinning they will help you to be able to keep in mind the fact that you are striving to stay away from temptation and avoid sin, especially those that are difficult for you.

Christian Charm School is a top search phrase here on Beauty by Design Ministries and I have had numerous requests for the workbooks that I composed for this in “print” form.  You ask and you shall receive!  These long awaited books are now available through Lulu.com.

The workbook is full color printed, coil bond 8.5 X 11 sheets. There are 48 pages in the book.  It is NOT hard bound like the picture to your left. 

This long awaited guide takes you back to a time when social etiquette and grace was common. Teach this to your daughter or a group of girls in your local club, church or other organization with this workbook.

Purchase Workbooks Now!

Good news the more you buy you get a discount!

Two years ago this month I took a giant “leap of faith”.  I was already in “ministry” but part time church ministry, feeling called by God to step out on faith and do my “part-time speaking ministry to girls and their moms full time”.  With fear and trembling I took that leap.  I am so glad I did, but I sure wish there had been someone there to mentor me, guide me and encourage me.  That is what I hope to be for others who are needing to take a “leap of faith” with my all new FaithLeaps Training Membership: Training for taking a leap of faith into speaking, writing or ministry.

This Thursday, we’re officially opening the program for membership with an official Tweet Up, in association with the Christian Women Tweet Up hosted monthly by Noelle over at Take Root and Write.  I am so excited to also be having this hosted by Amy of Resourceful Mom.com and Sitwarming Parties.com  She will be asking me questions which will provide you tons of info about the program and give you a sneak peek of the first lesson.

Faith Leaps is a three month membership training program for Christians who are looking to “take a leap of faith into speaking, writing or ministry.” This is an important site for you if you are feeling called to:

• Start a Bible study in your local church
• Start a club or organization in your community
• Organize a community project
• Write a column for your local newspaper
• Start a blog to minister to a specific group of people
• Chase your dream…

Whatever it may be, this program will help give the tools and the confidence to take the leap of faith.

So, join us for a Tweet Up on Thursday, March 12 on Twitter at 9:00 pm EST / 8:00 pm CST.

During the event, We will be giving away three prizes!

1. A one month “sneak peek” of the program
2. A two month membership
3. A three month membership – worth $150!

If you have any specific questions for me please go ahead and feel free to post them in the comments section of this post and I’ll do my best to answer them on Thursday!

Want to get a sneak peek of the Lessons in FaithLeaps?  You can sign up for the Early Bird List and receive a sneak peek of Lesson 1 instantly.

To participate in the Tweet Up you must have an active Twitter account.  Twitter is fast and easy to sign up and begin using.  Find me at http://twitter.com/alyssaavant.  Noelle is http://twitter.com/takeroot and Amy is http://twitter.com/resourcefulmom.

If you plan to participate head over here and sign Mr.Linky, thanks!

See you at the Tweet Up!

This Tuesday at 10 AM CST I will be interviewed by CWAHM (Christian Work at Home Mom)’s Jill Hart on her radio show.  Tune in at Blog Talk Radio or listen to the archives there later.  I am looking forward to the interview.

My mother was not one of those moms who was afraid to educate me about the opposite sex, the birds and the bees, human sexuality, whatever you want to call it.  She wanted to be sure I knew about those things and stayed away from the hurt and pain that participating in sexual activities before I was ready to and before I was in a covenant marriage relationship could cause.

I often say that my mom “drilled it in me” that sex outside of marriage was wrong.  Though back then I often found our chats a little embarrassing and many times I was just plain tired of hearing it today I am thankful that she did.  A few weekends ago I spend some time with some 7th, 8th and 9th grade girls.  What I found out from them was pretty shocking to say the least.  The knowledge in the area of sexual activity for 7th-9th grade girls is quite different in 2009 than it was in 1993-1995, the time period that I was in 7th-9th grade.

Moms, if you’re not already talking to your daughter about sex.  Please begin!  Drill it in them.  Sex is for married couples.  Marriage is designed by God for 1 male and 1 female.  Not 2 females, not 2 males or any other variation.  Moms, did you know that our teen girls today are dealing with bi-sexuality?  I didn’t until a few days ago.

The time to talk to your daughter is NOW!  Whether she is 8 or 18.  Don’t hesitate have that talk today!  Explain to her that sex was created by God and is a beautiful act for a male and female to engage in, inside of a covenant marriage relationship.  Bi-sexuality, homosexuality and any variation besides a relationship between a male and a female is Biblically and morally wrong.

God did not create us with a desire to enter into a sexual relationship with a member of the same sex.  This is not Biblical.  As Christians we will NOT have those urges.  These are all things that your daughter needs to hear.  I know it may sound shocking, but it is true.

As I stand in awe of what these girls know I also stand in fear for them and lift them up to God asking him to protect them from the enemy Satan who is trying to destroy their lives with these things.

Dear Lord,

Please protect the girls of this generation who have much more to deal with than I ever had.  Give their parents the courage and the ability to communicate with them on the topics of sex and marriage and to instill in them Biblical truths.

Lord give these girls the courage to take a stand for what they know is right and to stand against the devil and the temptations that this world put in their path.  Keep them on your path of righteousness.

Amen

Every once in a while I forget to update my readers about news and happenings going on in the ministry. This is the case at the moment so I decided to do an “update” post. Here are a few of the things going on with us at Beauty by Design Ministries.

I will be traveling to Hartselle, Alabama next weekend, March 6-7 to do a girl’s retreat for the girls of West Hartselle Baptist Church. I am looking forward to it.

I am also actively working on a new training program “Faith Leaps: Training for Taking the Leap of Faith into Speaking, Writing or Ministry”. If you think this might interest you go to FaithLeaps.com and read more about the program.

I also have plans to release in the VERY near future, (by April 1st) a complete package for the Christian Charm School Workshop. Currently the workshop only includes a workbook itself, I have had many requests for a separate Leader Guide, which I plan to release as well as the workbook and leader guide in hard copy. You will actually be able to purchase a “hard copy” book form of these to be mailed to you, rather than just the ebook form.

There will be package deals available so that you are able to purchase enough for your whole group to have their own workbook. I’m looking forward to its release. Want to be put on the waiting list for this great Christian Charm School Workshop Pack to be the first to receive info when the product is released? Sign up here.

To purchase the Christian Charm School Ebook go here.

Hi! I’m Kathy Carlton Willis (http://www.kathycarltonwillis.com) and it’s my pleasure to serve as coach and publicist for Alyssa. I’m looking for one to three endorsements from her readers for promotional materials. If you would be willing to help me get the word out about Alyssa,

I’d really appreciate it. Contact me and I’ll let you know how you can help. I’ll even help you write the short endorsement blurb if you are uncertain how to say what you want to say. E-mail me at: WillisWay@aol.com

Thanks! ~Kathy

I often enjoy the opportunity to blog about the “overwhelm” I am feeling, that’s because that overwhelming feeling is usually due to God’s love and blessings in my life.  Today, the sense of overwhelm is quite different.  This weekend, I spent some time with a group of 7th – 9th grade girls as I helped out at a Disciple Now Weekend in a local church association which involved several churches.

It was a last minute thing.  I received a call on late Thursday afternoon and ended up volunteering for the weekend.  It was a divine appointment as some might say.  God said, “you need to go minister to these girls.”  I really didn’t know what He was up to, but I knew it was a “God” thing.  And even though the weekend is over, I feel like I ministered to the girls, but I still don’t exactly know what “God was up to.”  There is one thing I do know however, I came away a different person.  I am burdened, my heart is  heavy and I feel a “need” a “need to do something“.

I have been in ministry for years now. I have felt burdened for teens before, but nothing like this.  I cried tears, tears of overwhelm as I said my closing prayer with them during the last Bible study session.  I know that God is much bigger than their problems, but at that moment I felt so small.  I know that I am weak and HE is strong.  And as the sense of overwhelm still hangs over me a few days later, I have to say once again to myself “Jesus loves them this I know, for the Bible tells me so. Little Ones to Him belong. They are weak but He is strong.“ 

Dear Jesus,

I know that you love me and that you love those girls I had the opportunity to share with this weekend.  I know that those 7 girls represent just a small part of your children.  And I know that you love each and every one of your children.  Your children, especially teenagers today are weak Lord and they are hurting.  I am so glad that they belong to you and that you are strong enough to carry their burdens like I wish that I could, but I know that I can’t.  I lift them up to you right now Lord.  You know WHO they are.  Carry them Lord.  Protect them.  Reveal yourself to them.

In Jesus Name

AMEN

Photo Credit: Bracelets by Linda

It is unlike anything else you will do with your life. Having faith is something that takes a long time to understand and even longer to truly feel that you have. As the Bible says,

“Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)

Faith begins with a relationship with Jesus Christ, the man who gave everything, even His own life for our sins. So, why do we feel that we can hold back, keeping things from Him, especially our lives and what we COULD be doing for Him. Yet, we aren’t we’re keeping them for our own use and selfishly trying to please our own selves more than we are trying to please Him.

Maybe it is due to a “lack of faith”, after all Hebrews 11:6 says that “without faith it is impossible to please God.” (NIV) That is what often keeps us from truly doing for Him, truly living for Him, our own lack of faith.

For some people don’t understand why they need faith in the first place. Faith is needed for several reasons.

1.It takes faith to begin your relationship with God. Because God is someone we can’t see, touch, or hear audibly it takes faith even to come to know and trust Him. Once you do the other parts of faith become a little more manageable.

After all faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. We may not hear God audibly but we do hear his word. Faith is also an act of “belief” we all have the ability to believe. Just like you believe that a chair in your home will hold you up, you believe that God is real. You must believe that God is real and that He had His one and only son Jesus die to save us from our sins.

2.You also need faith to truly enjoy the benefits of being a part of the family of God. As Christians, we walk in our own assurance and faith that God is who He says that He is and will do what he says He will do. Everyday life takes faith. And with that faith we enjoy the blessings that God has promised to us.

3.We need faith to point others to Christ. Without the evidence of our faith, many times it is hard to show others the way. God commands us to “go into all the world” without our own faith assured we will not be able to do that effectively.

4.Faith also allows us to grow. We can experience growth as a person and as a Christian through faith. Reading God’s word, spending time in prayer and with other believers in fellowship helps us to do this.

We may think that it takes a great deal of faith to truly accomplish something, however, be reminded that the Bible says if you have faith as small as a mustard seed that you can tell the mountain to move from here to there and it will.

It may not take a large amount of faith to act, but sometimes we feel that it does. Sometimes we feel nudged to take action but we hesitate. Taking our own leap of faith is often scary. Do you need help taking a leap of faith? Check out “Faith Leaps” and see if we can help you with your “leap of faith”.

Photo Credit: C@rljones

It isn’t often that I make a recommendation here.  But this one just HAD to be made.  Journal Buddies, A Girl’s Journal for Sharing and Celebrating Magnificence is a must have for your girls.  It is perfect for the tween girl (age 8-12).  It was a finalist in the Mom’s Choice Awards and for good reason.  This journal allows a girl to explore and share her feelings on paper, helping to create a power, positive and lasting self-esteem experience for her.

As you all know, I am a journaling enthusiast, however often times it is difficult to get a girl this age to share her feelings on paper.  But this journal brings out her creativity and allows her to open up and share easily.  It involves fun activities that will help them to draw out their feelings and emotions and record them all in a very special place.

One of the great things about this journal is that it allows the girls to share either through words or pictures.  This gives them yet another way to record their thoughts without feeling that they are “writing the right thing”.  They can just be themselves!

As someone who has journaled for years and who advocates it as an activity that all girls should do I highly recommend this journal for all tween girls.

Pick up a Journal Buddies for your tween girl today.

If you realize nothing else about God, you should realize that He is in control.  And, just when you think you have His plans for your life figured out, or you think you’re able to “control” things then “think again.” God is in control and He likes to be in the driver seat in your life.

I am a control freak.  I’ll admit this.   I like to plan, organize, and know the teeny weeny details about everything.  I do NOT like to “fly by the seat of my pants” and I am not spontaneous.  So, you can see that this lends me to being the type of person who likes to let someone else take the reigns in my life, but with my Lord, it’s a little different.  I know that my God is bigger than my circumstances and I know that He has a plan.

Sometimes, however God is a little bit slower about revealing His plan to me than I would like.  Sometimes He quite honestly takes His own “sweet” time.  And more often than I like to admit I get impatient with that.  Especially when God gives you a peek or a glimpse of what’s to come, or at least so you think, then steers your life off on a detour or side road. 

The thing is it is those “detours” in life that teach us the most.  Most often they are specifically used for a time of growth or maturation.  Without them you wouldn’t be ready for the bumps that are in the road ahead, or for the yield signs or the red lights.  You would be too anxious to get to where you are going to slow down and see the signs.  You’d fly right past them on your path to receive your prize and you’d get hurt along the way.

But, when you allow God to be in the driver seat and you go along for the ride, even for those detours that you don’t appreciate so much at the time, you grow and learn and you are  still eager yet more alert, cautious and focused.  God knew this and that’s why He took you down the path that He did.

So, hopefully at the end of the journey you’re there with Him, allowing Him to be your guide and receiving the prize He had for you at the end of this race we call life.

Photo Credit: jdl_deleon

This morning in Sunday School class we were asked to describe God in one word.  The word that immediately came to my mind is “love” and He is that, however a friend of mine used the word “faithful”, which I can more than agree with.  God is faithful.  Lately this is a description I have seen evident in my life.  God’s faithfulness is evident in each and every day.

Though it is often difficult to live each day by faith, and though it doesn’t seem to get any easier with each day that passes, God doesn’t seem to have the same difficulty being faithful to me.  In fact, He seems to provide for me, be there for me and guide me with ease.  I guess that’s why He’s God and I am only human huh?

These are just my random thoughts today, as I try desperately to provide something for you to think about.  Regardless, I hope that you will think of what God is to you, today, tomorrow, always.  Leave me your thoughts in the comments below.

A phone call with my sister left me wondering what impression I left from my previous post’s stopping point; she seemed to think I was living under a weight of self condemnation and guilt.

Neither couldn’t be farther from the truth, especially where this conversation was concerned.

Was I disappointed my child saw hypocrisy in my faith?   Of course. Was it a surprise that was the origin of Taylor’s loss of respect for me?  Definitely.

I share this story, not because I’m drowning in a riptide of mother guilt, hoping your words will become a life-preserving buoy; instead, I share it because it’s an excellent example of “an adventure in missing the point”.

Recall what I said before–

“What ensued was an eye-opening lesson in how parents can presume wrongly where their children are concerned, and they, in turn, do the same.”

Not only did I inaccurately imagine what Taylor was thinking, even after I was told, I continued temporarily to misunderstand my child’s perspective.

Immediately, I began rattling off a list of how I could see this hypocrisy observed (and judged):  living inconsistently?  offering lip service at the expense of life service?  saying one thing and doing another?

Thankfully, Taylor and I have a relationship that allowed clarification of my confusion without consequence.  And…what (s)he was talking about never even crossed my mind….

Morning devotions…it was about our before-school devotions.

Huh?  What?!  A loss of respect because we had morning devotions?!?

Taylor thought I insisted on this each morning so I could “check it off the list” and because it was the prescribed “Christian thing to do.”

This child has no patience or interest in list checking or obligatory Christian requirements (which I applaud); I was more than a little surprised, though–and honestly, somewhat relieved–this was “all” it was.  While it was disappointing to learn my children saw this as my motive, it gave me opportunity to explain the truth: a) the desire to focus Godward at the beginning of each day; b) to pray (out loud) with and for my kids (or for them to do so for one another); and c) to model by example the priority I place on an intimate, on-going relationship with Christ.

You see, I thought they DID know this!  I presumed it was understood “why” I was committed to a daily morning devotion.

Instead, it was a breeding ground for condemning judgment, misunderstanding and resentment, and loss of parental respect.  Lovely….

As our conversation came to a close, we talked about the judgmental attitude towards me, how that was sinfully seeded, too.  Taylor was glad to have been wrong.

Our transparent conversation was a wonderful opportunity not just to clear the air, but to see through each other’s eyes; it was a reminder not to make assumptions that my children always understand my motives, and that it’s important for them to at this age, so they’re free to respond rightly–not react out of misconception.

As your children move from elementary age to their middle and high school years, I encourage you to create time and space to have uninterrupted conversation; it’s not about quality, it’s about quantity.

Even if you’re just sitting in a parked car in your garage .

Guest Post: This post was originally published on Robin’s Pensieve blog. I am an avid reader of her blog. She is a Godly woman, whom I had the privilege of meeting at She Speaks last summer. She is delightful, fun and a great mom. This post spoke to me and I asked her if I could share it with my readers, she agreed. It has a Part 1 and a Part 2. You’ll have to wait until next week to read Part 2 here on my blog.

It was my eleventh grade year in high school, I had a study hall, where I sat across the table from a guy who I’d been friends with since preschool. We knew each other well. He knew me well enough to know that I didn’t party, but nevertheless this particular week he decided to bug me about coming to a party that weekend. For some reason he just would not let it go, no matter how many times I told him no.

The weekend rolled around and I was hanging out in the school parking lot with my boyfriend and another couple. Everyone that dropped by the lot that night was going to “the party”. They were all asking us if we were coming and I was still hesitating. I knew it was not something I needed to do, but at the same time I’d never been to one before. The temptation was intense. Finally, I gave in and agreed to go under the condition that we’d stop and get me a Coke on the way so I would know what I was drinking.

My boyfriend agreed, we grabbed me a Coke, and headed out to the pasture where the party was being held. Basically it was a muddy pasture, a few headlights turned on for light and a keg of beer. That week I had just been shopping with my mom and had a brand new pair of Mudd jeans, and a new pair of sandals. I hated getting them muddy but got out, grabbed my boyfriend’s arm and tried to tiptoe through the mud. I was on a mission to find the guy from study hall and let him know that I was there.

After surveying the crowd for a few minutes I saw him, looking like he’d had too much to drink already, but nevertheless, I made a beeline to him and spoke. He didn’t have much to say, so I turned back around and let my boyfriend know I was ready to leave. The guy and ninety percent of the others in attendance were already drunk. Just the idea of being there made me nervous. I was ready to go, I knew I had accomplished nothing as the guy in study hall wouldn’t even recall my being their on Monday morning.

But, I remembered it, and twelve years later I still recall that night and think of it as a lesson learned. Because when I got home that night the guilt that hung over my head was thick. And the mud caked on the hem of my brand new Mudd jeans was a screaming reminder of the sin that was all around me in that cow pasture. The sin of my peers choosing to participate in underage drinking, and for some of them that sin would lead to other sins.

I may not have “sinned” by drinking that night, but I did give into temptation and I did fall short of “God’s glory”. I didn’t stand on my convictions, but allowed others to influence me. Do you stand firm on your convictions or allow the world to sway you?

The Bible says in Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed by the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you can test and approve what God’s will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (NIV)

The world will push you to and fro, it will always want you to choose its way over Gods, but stand firm on your own convictions, and let God do the rest.

Today I was privileged to be the speaker for the first annual Mother-Daughter teas at First Baptist Church, West Point, MS. The ladies did a fabulous job planning and coordinating the event. The tables were beautifully decorated, the snacks and teas delicious and the turnout was wonderful with a great group of 2nd-6th graders and their moms this morning, followed by a even large group of 7th-12th graders and their moms this afternoon.

The topic for both events was beauty from the inside out. I wanted to convey to the girls how they are truly beautiful in God’s sight and that he has a beautiful plan for their lives. That your life is more than just about outer beauty but is about the “perfect will” and plan that he has for them. The role that He has destined for them to play.

I shared with them about being “set apart” and what it would take to do that. With the younger girls we looked at Queen Esther and I had the girls join me in the Tiara Club. With the older girls I used many Scriptures and personal stories to help them understand how to find and follow God’s plan.

One of the most powerful parts of today’s events was the prayer time I encouraged between moms and daughters, in the older girls group I noticed a few tears being shed. Whether the tears were of joy or of sorrow I never feel that tears are a bad thing. God was at work! Amen!

I enjoyed the event thoroughly and know that God did all the work, I’m always amazed to stand to speak for Him at how He completely takes over and speaks through me!

As we begin a new year, as many others are doing I’m sure I’ve been doing some reflecting and planning.  I reflect on the past, not to remember my mistakes, but to remember my victories.  I have been speaking, writing, and ministering as Beauty by Design Ministries since 2005.  This website and blog officially went up in 2006.

Each year since 2006 I have done multiple speaking engagements, which was one of my goals. This past year, 2008, I spoke at the following churches / organizations:

West Carthage Baptist Church, Carthage, MS

Baptist Student Union, Holmes Community College, Goodman, MS

First Baptist Church, Tupelo, MS

Fellowship Church of the Nazarene, Houston, MS

She Speaks Conference, Concord, NC

First United Methodist Church, Senatobia, MS

North Winona Baptist Church, Winona, MS

I have also begun doing a great deal of writing online.  This year I hope to take more of that writing offline as well, as one of my goals is to be published in a well-known Christian publication. For the past couple of years now I have been writing a monthly column for the North Mississippi Christian Family Magazine which I will continue to do as well.

The Lord has placed certain goals and dreams on my heart that I will begin pursuing.  I have seen him work through me in the past and I know he will continue to in the future.  The past couple of years especially have been a result of his love, grace, and faithfulness.

After resigning from my paid church ministry position to live by faith daily and commit myself to this ministry I have seen God provide for us again and again.  I praise and thank Him for doing so, and I give testimony to His provision.

Here’s to another wonderful year!  I look forward to ministering, with you or to you!

There are many commandments that we are given as children of God. The Bible lays these out for us in the Ten Commandments and other Scriptures. Some are easy to follow, while others we struggle with.  Honoring our father and mother is one that during our teen years we often struggle to keep.  The simple commandment,

“Honor your father and your mother,” Exodus 20:12 (NIV),

becomes so complex as get to this age.  For some strange reason as we hit around the age of thirteen our parents become dumber and we become smarter.
This was my personal experience.  I can remember thinking that they were so wrong, while I was so right.  Many an argument was fought because of this.  Whether it be a disagreement over whether I could go somewhere with my friends, how messy my room was, or how I chose to wear my hair, I thought they were wrong and I was right.

Sure, my friends often had crazy ideas my parents were right about not letting me participate in, my room did often resembled a pig sty, and my hair  needed washing more than once per week, but I sure did not think so in my naive little thirteen year old brain.

So, as moms and dads, how do we get our children, especially those of the teenage variety to clue into the fact that we are “smart”?  The truth is, as a former teen myself, I believe it is a phase we all have to go through.  Quite honestly as time went by, my parents got smarter and smarter.  I began to clue in to the fact that some of the things they were telling me really were for my own good and slowly I came back onto their side of many an issue.

By the age of eighteen I had come to realize that I needed them, they had good advice, and I could count on them more than my friends.  So, do not loose hope, your child will come around again.  So, be patient, and wait for them to realize the error of their ways, receive their newfound belief in you with love, and be grateful for their new found belief in what you have to say.

The Bible’s words are true that if you,

“Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.”  Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

Let that verse be the hope that you cling to as you continue to train your child, no matter how dumb they attempt to make you feel, because Mom and Dad, your honor will soon be restored to its rightful  place.

Journaling, it isn’t something you hear a lot of people doing anymore. In a day in age where blogging is the hottest thing, taking out a pen and paper to write manually is almost unheard of, doesn’t that take too much time when we can type so much faster? Maybe, but, the benefits can sometimes outweigh the time issue that is involved.

Sure, I love blogging. I am a blogger and I believe blogging has benefits that are quite similar to that which I receive from journaling, but journaling is a bit more private for me, and thus still appropriate for me to engage in because quite frankly I won’t share everything on my blog. A blog after all is almost permanent and can be read by almost anyone who has access to the Internet and the savvy to search for you.

Journaling only the other hand, is just as easy, if not easier than blogging. With journaling you can talk freely, through the written word without fear or reservation. You can scrawl in handwriting commonly known as chicken scratch where it is almost illegible but can be therapeutic in benefits to you. What it looks like doesn’t matter, grammar doesn’t matter. Honestly, it doesn’t even matter if it makes good sense. It is for your benefit and your benefit only. So, what you write frankly does not matter. What does matter is that you write. That you allow the feelings, thoughts and emotions that you feel in your heart and mind to be released onto paper.

With journaling the most important thing is that you do it. You just start writing really, it is as simple as that. Write about how you feel, write about what you are worrying about, write about what you hope to accomplish, or what you wish you could do or be. Write about anything and everything in your life.

Share your prayers, your hopes, your dreams, write letters to yourself or record letters to God. There are so many options and the process can leave you feeling so much better you will definitely want to do it again.

That’s why journaling is a bit addictive. Once you start, most likely, you won’t want to stop. You will begin to fill journal after journal excited about the possibilities of filling those stark white pages with print. It will become a hobby, a true pastime that you continue to enjoy for many years.

If you’re ready to begin journaling check out our FREE 7 Day Journaling Ecourse, and then our 30 Day Journaling Guide.

During my teen years I vividly remember the times I desperately wanted a new shirt, a new jacket, a new anything for that matter and my dad having to tell me no. I know now after becoming a parent that it was difficult for him to do so and I also know after becoming an adult that it was not something that he could help.

No matter if he could provide everything I wanted, he always provided everything I needed and though at the time I may not have seemed grateful. Now, looking back on those days I truly am. How do you teach your daughter to be grateful, in a world where she feels pressure to keep up with the latest trends, fashions and not stand out too much from her peers?

First, it is important that she understand that it is okay not to fit in, and it is more than okay to stand out, but in a good way. Standing out and standing up for her values and beliefs is something that is far better than staying “in style”.

Once you help your daughter to establish her own identity by discussing the fact that it is okay to be different then she will soon begin to take on her own values and beliefs not just because you told her to believe that way or she has grown up around people who share specific values and beliefs, but because she believes and values those things as well. They have become a part of who she is. Take it from someone who now understands as an adult why I have certain values and beliefs and who cherishes those who taught me those things.

So, maybe my daddy couldn’t give me every new fashion trend that hit the market, but he did give me something bigger, something better and far more valuable. He gave me a strong set of morals, values and beliefs that have carried me much farther than any fad every could.

Do you have an open door policy? Meaning, can your daughter and her friends hang out at your house whenever they want? I just recently watched an episode of Wife Swap. Both ladies on the show had swapped places with each other and both families had teenage girls. One of the moms allowed her daughter(s) to have company anytime including male friends without supervision, while the other never allowed her daughters to have friends over.

The show was a bit sad, with both of the situations being a bit extreme. One set of girls was completely out of control while  the other set was so sheltered and honestly quite pitiful as they were treated so negatively by their parents. Neither set really had a healthy situation in my opinion, which made me think there had to be a happy medium.

It is important that we allow our daughters to have some freedom, especially our teens. But we also have to give restrictions too. There has to be a sense of trust established in order for proper restrictions and balance to be maintained.  A good practice is an open door policy that includes allowing friends to visit when there is adult supervision. You will be surprised how much you can learn from and about your daughter as you witness her interacting with her friends.

Not only will this help you in your relationship with your daughter, your knowledge of her friends and the way that she interacts with them, but it will also help her in her ability to face temptation and say no to it.  She will realize the support that she has in you, as you faithfully back her up and encourage her, not to mention are open to her ideas, and the friendships that she seeks to maintain become a part of your whole family, not just her life but all of your lives.

The friends that she has come over will begin to see the love that you have for your daughter and will begin to respect you, your rules, and your morals and viewpoints.  They will then be more likely to refrain from pressuring your daughter with temptations that they know you would be against.  They would have a greater sense of responsibility to you as they too have a relationship with you.

Then, there is much to be said about how much better you’ll know her friends and how much they will respect you for having them around, opening up your doors, your home and your life to them. It can really do wonders for not only your relationship with your daughter(s) but also your relationship with her friends and her relationship with them as well.

Being a parent of a teen or tween can be tough, I know, but fortunately in this technologically driven age there are so many ways you can connect with them.  Just this morning on the radio I heard that technology and computers is actually a great tool for parents to connect with their teens and I couldn’t agree more.  Whether it is texting them to find out where they are or connecting with them online through social networking sites such as Facebook, there are so many positives to using technology to connect with your teen or tween.

Maybe you feel like you are a little behind in the times when it comes to these new ways of connecting, but the good news is they aren’t hard to learn.  In case you are completely out of the loop and do not have a clue what Facebook is, I”ll start with the basics and walk you through. 

Facebook is a social networking site, or in less techy terms, it’s a place online to connect with others by displaying info about your self including pictures, favorites, hobbies, etc and then befriending others who will communicate with you via your profile by writing you notes, sending you messages and so on.  You can connect and share through pictures, messages and even videos.

Facebook is very user friendly and has been used by everyone from teens to professionals.  You are sure to know someone on Facebook, so after you set up a profile it is almost certain you will make friends immediately and maybe even find old classmates to connect with as well.

However, more than anything, if you’re a parent it is a great way to connect with your teen, because let’s face it, teens and tweens of today, communicate through technology more than they do through opening their own mouths, and they have a whole other social world online unlike any other previous generation.

And though I am encouraging you to venture into this “world” of theirs I also encourage you to do so with caution.  Your child most likely will react in one of two ways,  they will happily befriend you online or they will wish you’d never found out about Facebook.

So, be careful as you begin this venture because you want this to be a positive experience for the both of you.  First you want to be honest with them, ask them about Facebook, even ask them to help you set  up your profile.  Let them know that you want to learn about it and need their help.

Do find other people to connect with, you don’t want your teen to think that you are only on there to snoop on them.  Be aware too that they have control over their privacy on Facebook, it’s privacy settings allow anyone to hide pictures, messages and more from those that they do not want to see it.  So, you may not be seeing everything on your child’s profile, but you can see what they allow you to and it may be a great way to find out things you haven’t known about them before.

Don’t try and befriend their friends on Facebook, unless they request that you add them.  This will cause your child much embarrassment so just lay low.   However, if your child or their friends want to befriend you, then by all means connect!

Facebook really can be a powerful tool for your relationship and can help you to see your child in a new and different light.  So, don’t let it scare you, use it today to enhance your relationship.

We would love your opinion as we are making plans to begin work on a new ebook.  We have ideas for 2 different ebooks but hope to make something that is of greatest needs to our readers.  So, which topic would you most benefit from?  If you have any additional comments or questions please leave those in the comments below.  Thank you.