This is the third in a series of posts on “Spiritual Spots” the series starts here.  The last post was on Reading God’s Word.  Today’s post will cover prayer and prayer journaling.

Prayer is our way of communicating with God.  If you’re a Christian and have a “relationship” with God it is essential in order to grow that relationship to pray.  Prayer is our life line to God.  As my children learned in Vacation Bible School this summer you can pray anytime, anywhere and about anything.  Prayer is a privilege and something that we should WANT to do.

In our busy lives it is important that we set aside time daily to pray or talk to God.  Prayer doesn’t have to be complicated.  I know as a teenager that I spent the first few moments before school while still sitting in my vehicle to pray.  Usually, I would turn up my favorite praise and worship CD and spend that time in prayer and praise to God.  Prayer after all should involve not just listing our requests to God but also spending time praising him.

Using a prayer journal can also be a great way to spend time in prayer and will help you to “focus” that time that you have no matter how small.  You can list your prayer concerns, the ways that you can praise God and even intercede for others.  Writing in a prayer journal can help you to also look back in the future and see how God has answered your prayers.

If you need more help with prayer and prayer journaling why not download our guide My Heart to His. It is F. REE.

If you are the mother of little girls and boys like I am instead of teenagers, you may be wondering how manners should come into play in your home.  Well, my theory is teach them when they are young and they will remember it when they are old.  Manners are just like anything else in our lives they take practice to truly make a routine and daily part of your child’s life.

Some of the things that I personally start young with my children are manners such as “yes ma’am and no ma’am” or “yes sir and no sir”.  I also encourage them to say “please” and “thank you” even if it is just to each other, but especially to adults.  I also encourage them to hold doors open for other people and not push or rush in line.

Other things I believe are important are saying the blessing at meal times and making prayers a part of our daily routine, this may not seem like it relates to manners, but it is something we do as a “Christian” family.

Finally, I encourage my children to keep private matters private and not talk loudly or speak when adults are talking.  These are just a few of the things I believe we can do to “begin” our children with manners even when they are young.

Photo Credit: AD-Passion

Sorry for the delay everyone. I’ve been taking a much needed break from keeping up with so many blogs and websites.  This one has not gotten a lot of attention lately.  I will be blogging here monthly instead of “weekly”.  This is our first official spiritual spot post in a series of posts that will be here on the blog over the next few months.  This month’s Spiritual Spot focuses on Reading God’s Word.

Reading God’s Word is a truly important spiritual practice.  As Christians, the focus should be on our “relationship” with God.  I believe that Christianity is not about religion but about a “relationship” with Jesus Christ.  That being the case we must do something to grow in that relationship.  I believe that one of those things is “Reading God’s Word.”  It helps us to grow in HIM, to come to know HIM better and to become more like HIM.

God’s Word is full of inspiration and even every day life stories, when you truly take the time to read it you realize how much it is just a story, or rather a series of stories, those great men and women of the past sharing their lives with us.  Sharing what God did in and through their lives.

Daily Bible reading is important and should be something that we all make a high priority in our lives.  Setting a set time for it is what will truly help to keep you on track.  It must be as much of a habit in your life as “brushing your teeth” to truly be effective.  Prepare yourself ahead of time, have you Bible a pencil or pen and a journal possibly in a specific spot each day so that you can focus on reading God’s Word.

Once you begin doing this on a regular basis you will begin to realize the power that it has in your life and the true need that you have for the “Bread of life”, His word.  Try it today!

This will be a new series of blog posts on Spiritual Disciplines. These are habits and / or activities that we can incorporate into our lives and encourage our daughters to embrace and incorporate into their lives to grow in their relationship with Jesus Christ.

This series will cover the following:

Spiritual Growth

Mentoring

Prayer & Prayer Journaling

Reading God’s Word

There will be some giveaways associated with this series as well.  I’m looking forward to it and I hope you will as well.

The past few blog posts have been a series about giving the gift of connecting they have featured 7 Tips to Connecting.  You can easily go back to these posts and read the seven tips below:

The Gift of Connecting

Intro to 7 Tips for Connecting

Tip 1 – Potty Talk

Tip 2 – Bedtime Chats

Tip 3- Grocery Store Runs

Tip 4 – Godly Gossip

Tip 5 – Girl’s Nights

Tip 6 – Table Talk

Tip 7 – Technology Talk

Hope you enjoyed this series and will pass it on to a friend.

Perfect Time Number 7 is Technology Talk

So, we’ve covered many in person options for you to use to connect with your daughter, but you might be wondering about more common forms of communication. Those type of communication most of us are using on a daily basis to communicate with everyone from business associates to “online” friends. This type of communicating is done via the fabulous ways we know as technology. Text messaging, email, instant messaging, most of us use these forms of communication on a weekly basis, surprisingly these are great ways to communicate with your daughter.

Some people are more open when they are “writing” something rather than speaking it, so your daughter may be more likely to really share with you in the form of a text or email. I have found over the past few months that I am communicating more with family members I did not communicate with as much before they came online and began using such technology as Facebook and email. This has given us a connection that we didn’t have before.

No matter how you choose to do so, choose to connect with your daughter. This very important relationship in both of your lives is worth investing in. Do not let the hours, days, weeks, months and years slip by without connecting with each other. I promise you won’t regret it. I bet you my mom would tell you she doesn’t regreat a minute of the time we spent together.

Perfect Time Number 6 is Table Talk

Meal times are a great time for conversations. This should obviously involve the whole family, but that is an even better time to cultivate the relationship between all family members, not just you and your daughter. Meal times are a great time for families to share what has gone on throughout their day. Making mealtimes a priority is important for families. Sharing a meal together is a great way to connect. Remember, grocery store runs are a teaching time and this connected with meal time itself can be the ultimate bonding experience for you and your daughter.

Have your daughter help with meal planning weekly. She might even choose to cook one night of each week. Or at least choose to have her favorite meal on that night. Why not make meal times extra special in this way. Your daughter is a gift from God, it is important to do all that you can to make her feel important, valued and special.

Perfect Time Number 5 is Girls Nights

Every now and again it is fun to purposely spend time together. These other times mentioned may just happen accidentally, but a purposed planned event such as a girl’s night out or a girl’s night in with your daughter(s) can be a great way to connect. Do something fun that you both enjoy and allow the quality time you are spending together to affect your relationship for the better.

You might even want to invite a girlfriend along, one of your daughter’s that is. My mom often allowed me to have friends sleep over. Spending time with my friends helped my mom to get to know them and to discover whether or not they were someone she really wanted me hanging out with. She was able to judge and then from there give me advice on how to handle that particular friend. She was also able to positively influence some of my friends who may have not had a strong connection with their own mothers or even with Jesus Christ.

Perfect Time Number 4 is Godly Gossip

Did you know there is a type of gossip that can actually be good? Well, there is, Godly gossip. This is when you share with your daughter what God is doing in your life and you have her do the same. At this time it is ok to admit your weaknesses. My momma often admitted to me that she did not know what else to do as a parent in a particular situation, but she would always tell me that she had prayed or was praying about that situation and that she was giving it to God. I learned how this worked from my mom.

Over the years, she and my daddy encouraged me to go to God for every decision, from boyfriends to temptation, to choosing where to go to college and what to do with the rest of my life. “Pray about it” was a noted phrase in our house and a good answer to almost everything.

Perfect Time Number 3 is on Grocery Store Runs

Can I just tell you how much I loved going to the grocery store with my momma.  This is the time when my momma empowered me.  She made me feel like the smartest girl alive.  I was her go to gal.  I helped her with the difficult task of creating a meal for our family.  I helped her with pinching the pennies that my daddy doiled out not so freely, and we together as a team would create a meal.

So, not only did we go to the grocery store together, but we problem solved together, we were creative together and ultimately we would work together to prepare a meal.  As a young girl I learned valuable life skills from my momma through these times together.  She jokingly said after I was married, that I must have learned from watching, because I did more talking than cooking.  But, you can ask my husband, I know my way around the kitchen now.  So, even if your daughter only learns from watching, she’s learning.

Perfect Time Number 2 is Bedtime Chats

My momma is a sleeper.  She loves to sleep she can go to sleep at the drop of a hat and she requires a lot of sleep.  So, are you surprised that even on the nights I would get in at midnight on curfew from a date that she would still be up, or at least dozing on the couch so that when I walked through the door she was there.  A coincidence, not likely, my momma was waiting up on me.  She had a reason for it.  She wanted to have our “bedtime chat”.  I rarely went to bed without a bedtime chat with my momma.  Talking about the day, or the date, or whatever else came up.  I didn’t hide much from my momma and when I did it was bad.  Secrets were never smart to have from momma, so I didn’t keep them often.

I looked forward to bedtime chats with my momma.  She was the one person in my teenage life that I could trust with my secrets.  Be that person for your daughter.  She needs that person in her life.  Teen girls are cruel and they rarely ever keep their word.  Your daughter needs someone she can trust.  Be there and be ready to “listen” more than you “talk”.  Let her do the talking.  You’ll be glad you did.

Perfect Time Number 1 is Potty Talk

Over the years I have spent a great deal of time with my mom in the bathroom. Over the years we had a bunch of “potty talks”. I sat on the potty as she bathed, or put her makeup on, or fixed her hair, or shaved her legs and I talked. I tend to be a talker, so I talked a lot, but all the while these conversations were shaping our relationship, strengthening it, giving us a bond, a connection.

So, for me, potty talk was a great part of my life. How about you, do you and your daughter have “potty talks”? It is a perfect place to talk, to connect and to even teach. Think of the private areas of a woman’s life that you could teach in the “potty”, about abstinence, about purity, about a woman’s body and hormones, about the menstrual cycle, about all the areas that a girl will face in her life that are specific to the female sex. It is the perfect time to prepare her, and equip her.

My momma mourned when I moved out of the house at 19.  I know it may sound a bit drastic, but I was literally her shadow for nineteen years.  I spent a ton of time with my momma.  In the bathroom, in the bedroom, in every room of the house and out side of the house.  We went grocery shopping together, to the bathroom together and traveled together.  There were not many places my momma did not accompany me.  Ok, maybe on dates, but hey we could not push it too far  now could we?

You get the picture though, my momma and I were pretty inseparable.  I believe that this has had a profound impact upon my life.  You see, I have a strong, positive relationship with my parents, both my mother and my father.  This strong relationship has helped me to see what a “healthy relationship” is in life.  It has been a good model for me to go by when determining if the other relationships in my life are what they should be.  My parents also modeled a strong relationship with Jesus Christ for me.  As a result, I have this relationship as well in my life.

Now, before you start thinking, “her life is perfect”.  Stop!  Do not go there.  Do not get me wrong I have a positive outlook on my life, both my past, my present, and my future, but perfect, I would not agree.  I rebelled against my parents as a teenager, I questioned God as a young adult, I have lived through death of loved ones, struggling financial times, and sick children.  I realize that life is not “a box of chocolates” like Forest Gump wants us to believe.  But, life, it is a gift and one that each of us have.  Also, in life our biggest gift is our relationships.

You probably have many relationships in your life, but I dare to say that your relationship with your children is probably your most valued.  The one that you hope you will never lose.  The one that you hope that you can maintain and grow over time, that those children, no matter how small they are now, will grow to be adults with strong connections and ties to their past, including a strong relationship with you, their momma.

I know I want this for myself, and my children, but since I have such a strong relationship with my mom, and I know that as a woman this is important in life I want to have that same type relationship with my only daughter, Lily.  The following are some things that I hope to do with her as she grows up.  Some perfect times that I hope to connect with her, many of which I did with my own momma over the years.  Maybe you can share these times with your daughter as well.  Happy Connecting!

Check back tomorrow for the first way to “connect”.

At this time of year, gifts are what’s on everyone’s mind.  Whether it is gifts you have left to buy, gifts you hope you receive or the gifts that you just can’t seem to find.  No matter which is the case, gifts have probably crossed your mind.  Why not give those in your life a gift that doesn’t cost you anything, or maybe it does, the gift of T-I-M-E.  For some of us it seems like that costs more than other things.  It truly is a precious commodity.  One that we should be aware of how we spend.  Over the next few days I am going to be sharing with you 7 ways you can connect with your daughter.

Doing these 7 things to connect with your daughter involve that little thing called time.  That is all it will truly cost you, but the results my friend will be well worth it.  Actually, you can probably use this “connecting ideas” for just about anybody in your life.  So pass these ideas on to a friend or send them over here if they have someone that they need to gift with the gift of connecting.

Photo credit: lusi

Our kids are living in a tech generation. Unlike the generations of the past they communicate almost entirely using technology. Instead of passing hand written notes, they send text messages, instead of spray painting graffiti on bridges they write on each others’ Facebook walls, and even some of the youngest of them communicate via cell phone instead of begging for their own phone line at home. They have access to the Internet unlike any generation of the past and as a result of all of this their lives are more public than generations past as well.

Sometimes, so much so, that it is scary. They lack privacy. They lack security. They often take BIG risks, never even giving it a second thought. When I was a kid, my parents encouraged me to “think before you speak.” We must teach the kids of this tech generation to think before they hit send, before they post, before they click. Because in this instant world, they could ruin their future . . . in an instant! It really is that dangerous.

We must teach our kids to “Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.” 2 Timothy 2:22 (NIV)

The following are a few statistics about this generation:

“An insurance poll found that 67% of teens admitted to texting while driving at high speed, and 37% of teens admitted to having been “extremely distracted” by texting,in some cases leading to close calls or significant accidents.” Mobile-Spy.com

“44 percent of children polled have visited x-rated sites or sites with sexual content. Moreover, 43 percent of children said they do not have rules about Internet use in their homes.”
(Time/CNN Poll, 2000)

“According to the results of a survey released today by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy and CosmoGirl.com, 22 percent of all teen girls — and 11 percent of teen girls ages 13-16 years old —say they have electronically sent, or posted online, nude or semi-nude images of themselves.” (MSNBC.com)
In 2006, Megan Meier, a young girl from Missouri, committed suicide after being a victim of online bullying and harassment which took the form of impersonation.”(“MySpace Mom linked,” 2007).

As parents we do not want our own kids to become a part of these statistics. There are things that parents can do to secure their children. Acknowledging that the issues are out there and that your kid could be vulnerable is the first step. Now, be proactive, take action and make sure that your kid is secure.

Visit our new site Pro-Tech the Kids.com to learn more and to sign up for more info on our upcoming Pro-Tech the Kids Workshop.

Facebook and the Internet as a whole is an amazing tool. I’m amazed that in my short lifetime how far we have come in society with technology, but as amazing and awesome as this technology is it can easily be used and abused.

If used inappropriately Facebook and many other places on the Internet can be detrimental to us and especially to teens who unintentionally post things to Facebook not thinking of what the consequences might be.

Unfortunately, many girls use Facebook as a place to display the many pictures that they have taken with family and friends. This may seem like no big deal, but it depends on what the pictures portray that girl doing. Is she at a football game having good clean fun or is she at a wild party complete with booze, smoking and more?

Is she dressed appropriately in the pictures, or is she revealing too much and more than she would truly want someone to see if she gave it a second or maybe even third thought. The Internet is a very public place, even if you make things as private as possible.

My warning to girls is to think before they post. My daddy used to drill into my head, “think before you speak”. I’d like to drill into the heads of tween and teen girls on Facebook, “think before you post your pictures” and think before you post pictures of your friends. You may mean well, but you may be ruining your reputation, the reputation of your friends or even worse, your future.

Recently, I spoke with a childhood friend who had recently been passed over for a very good job because of pictures that someone else had posted of him on Facebook. The pictures portrayed him drinking, out at bars and having a good time. For some they might have been seen as harmless, but for the people who were looking to hire him, they made him seem irresponsible and immature and not a mature adult worthy of becoming their employee.

This proves that people are watching, people are paying attention and what is posted on Facebook is powerful. So my challenge to teens is to be careful. Be sure that what you post is appropriate and that it is something you can be proud of, not something that will come back to haunt you in the future. Also, respect your friends and hold the same standards for what you post of them as well.

Respect yourself, think about your future, and post accordingly.
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Good manners, they are something we may all hope that our children possess, but have you ever really thought about why manners are practiced? Recently, I learned that it is not common practice for young people to say “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” in more Northern states, however, it is common practice and considered to be rude by children if they do not use these terms in the South. Growing up in the South, I have always practiced these terms of what we consider respect and have also taught my children to do the same.

Recently, in my Back to the Basics of Life Seminar Series, I taught on the subject of Etiquette and Manners and the question arose whether manners were “Biblical”. I did base the lesson around certain key verses of Scripture that I had already considered, but after being posed with this question I decided to do some more digging in Scripture to see what else the Bible had to say about manners. I found more than I had imagined.

The following are some examples:

“Even a child is known by his actions,by whether his conduct is pure and right.”

Proverbs 20:11 (NIV)

This verse tells us that we are to teach out children about correct conduct. We must of course search further in Scripture to determine what is “pure and right”.

We can find some examples in these verses:

“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”

Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

“Do to others as you would have them do to you.”

Luke 6:31 (NIV)

“Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come and see you or only hear about you in my absence, I will know that you stand firm in one spirit, contending as one man for the faith of the gospel.”

Phillippians 1:27 (NIV)

All of these verses talk about how we are to conduct ourselves, from the way that we talk to the way that we act and treat others. To me, manners is all about “respect”, respect for God and man, showing others Christ through the way that we act and conduct ourselves. Manners can also be more specific however, basic manners respect yourself, God, your body, the body of Christ and those around you.

Other Scriptures for your reference include:

Luke 10:8

Proverbs 11:17

Psalm 141:3

1 Peter 4:9

1 Timothy 6: 18-19

Proverbs 15:8

Ephesians 6:1

Romans 12:13

Hebrews 10:24

Matthew 22:39

1 Peter 2:17

Last weekend I spent some time cleaning out my closet. I got rid of all the clothes and shoes that no longer fit, the maternity clothes I do not plan to use anymore, and the clothes that were just plain worn out and got rid of them or donated them. The process, though not exactly fun, was rewarding because it meant that my closet is neater, the clothes that I do have are easier to find and just the fact that I could purge some items was refreshing.

Are there some things in your life that need to be “cleaned out” like my closet? There are often things in our lives that could use a good cleaning out. These things could include: your relationships, your grudges and most importantly your heart.

The Bible says in Psalm 51:10, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, And renew a steadfast spirit within me.” (NKJV) Sometimes, there are things in our lives that need cleaning. We have to clean out those relationships that are becoming stumbling blocks in our lives, rather than stepping stones. Sometimes, this may mean that your relationships need some mending, other times it may mean you just need to let the relationship go.

Another area of life where you can do some cleaning is “grudges”. Are you holding a grudge against anyone in your life? Do you need to seek their forgiveness? Do you need to approach them and talk through the situation? Forgiveness is often needed to push through and “clean out” a situation in our lives.

Finally, our hearts, as Scripture says we must want a clean heart, that only God can give. A heart free from sin, from burdens, this means getting rid of it all and laying it at God’s feet. What do you need to clean out today?

Photo credit: SXC

Integrity, it is one of the traits that I learned from my parents, by their actions.  My mom and dad were people who “practiced what they preached” and that in layman’s terms is what I believe integrity is, though more specifically it is “the state of being complete, unified.”

I believe that when I have integrity, my words and my deeds match up.  People with integrity have nothing to hide and nothing to fear.  As a youth leader I have told youth dozens of times, garbage in, garbage out.  Your thoughts will come out in your actions.

The Bible says that “Where your treasure is your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21 (NIV) A person of integrity has their heart in the right place.  Their priorities are in the right order and they practice what they preach.  They maintain their promises and they live their beliefs.

So, my question for you is, “Are you a mom of integrity?” Be a mom of integrity, a mom who follows through with her warnings for discipline, they’ll thank you for it later.  Be a mom, who does not participate in the things that she warns her children again.  Be a mom who models by example the principles she hopes her children will embrace.

Only by being a person of integrity will others follow after you, and will you be a positive influence on those around you, especially your children.  Of anyone in our lives, it is our children that we hope to influence the most.

The following is a guest post from a friend of mine, Dr. Daisy Sutherland:

If you are unaware of what 3 R’s I am referring to they are : Respect, Responsibility and Renewal.

We can even add a 4th R to the mix, Retro.

Now you may be wondering how all these R’s apply to our lives, well, let me explain.

We as parents have roles to follow…we are to nurture, guide and love our children but most importantly prepare them for the ‘real world’.

That is where the R’s come into play. By adapting a Retro way of teaching..we can go back to the time when our parents and our parents were raising their children.

Today’s society is a bit scary for adults, you can only imagine how scary it is for our children. But if we teach them the 3R’s and how to apply them to their lives, they can survive.

Respect – this is a very important word with a strong meaning. Not only should children be taught to respect their elder, their bodies, their property..they should also be taught how Respect will work in the real world. When you show respect to others, it is shown to you. When you respect your occupation and all it entails, your life is easier. People will see that you not only respect others, but that you respect your life and all it involves. This is a very important lesson to teach our children.

Responsibility – it is extremely important to teach our children the meaning of responsibility. We must all be responsible for our actions, our thoughts and beliefs. It is not enough to say, that something is not our fault. It may very well not be our fault, but it is still our responsibility, especially if it involves us, our property or our life in general. Responsibility is something that should be taught early on in life and continue to practice it. It is not enough to teach and not practice what you preach. This lesson will teach them the meaning when they grow up to be adults and are faced with decisions that must be made.

Renewal - this is a powerful word with an even more powerful meaning. Many believe that when they make a choice or decision that they must live with their decisions forever. This is not always true. As creatures creator by our Heavenly Father, we are not perfect. We are to make mistakes and most importantly learn from our mistakes. For instance, if a teen makes a decision that was not necessarily the right one at the time, and they realize this later..there is a time for renewal. You do not need continue that same path. It works the same for adults. If they make a decision for their family or their job and it doesn’t work out, do they give up or continue on? Renewal means that you can have a fresh start and make your life a better one. There is only one judge and He loves us and knows when we are going to make the decision that may not be the right one for us. He gives us the freedom of choice, but we do not have to live with it, if it turns out to be a wrong choice. Renewal is something that is should be taught from an early age and continue throughout our lives.

I go into much more detail about the 3R’s and applying them to our parenting in my Reserved Only program. A program not only for parents of teens, but for all parents. The lessons contained are those that can be taught from an early age and applied throughout.

As a Retro Parenting Coach, I am here to help you with the daily struggles we all lead, especially in today’s society. Together we work to help you gain clarity and the confidence to parent your children to the best of your ability. And that’s all that matters, isn’t it?

Dr. Daisy Sutherland is the Founder and CEO of Dr. Mommy, LLC.  The mission of Dr. Mommy is to help you to help your family.  Dr. Daisy Sutherland has 18+ years of experience as a devoted wife, mother, writer, speaker and more years as a Doctor and Total Wellness Expert  She has learned that good parenting is a balance between healthy living – mind, body and spirit.  Dr. Mommy’s dedication to helping parents and families is evident from her work online and offline and more importantly it is evident from the high energy she exudes when talking about her true passion – helping you to help your family, in health and in life in general.

Isn’t it a wonderful feeling when things are going your way in life?  Sometimes, this is true, while other times it is the furthest thing from the truth.  While we may not have control over every thing in our lives, we can know who controls our lives and we can talk to him about our lives daily.

Prayer is “communication with God”.  Through prayer we can receive “power” from the Holy Spirit.  The Bible says in Acts 1:8,

“But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”

These were Jesus’ words to his disciples but they still apply to us today.  We truly have a “lifeline” to power in our lives, to knowledge, to blessings, if we just ask for them.  James 1:5 says,

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

It also says, “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” Matthew 21:22.  These are Biblical truths that we should embrace.  Once you learn to embrace them you will know that you can go to God and that He will answer your prayers.  He may not answer right away, he may not answer with a yes, his answer might be wait, not right now or later, but he will answer.

Give it a try!

Saying “I love you”, it is something we can not do too often. Even when your children grow to become teenagers and may not seem to care whether you say “hello” or not, much less “I love you” it is still of utmost importance that you show your love to them and for them.

You may have heard of the book, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman. This book lays out for you that there are five different ways in which people want to be shown love. It is assumed that every person holds one of these love languages as “preferred”, however, why not use these “love languages” as different ways to show your love for them, or if you know your child’s love language you could certainly show them your love through acts that are significant to that language.

The five love languages include:

• words of affirmation
• quality time
• receiving gifts
• acts of service
• and physical touch.

Everyone wants to feel loved. Showing our love for others doesn’t have to be extravagant. A simple, “I am proud of you” goes a long way for someone whose love language is “words of affirmation”. An afternoon spent chatting over ice cream is huge for someone whose love language is “quality time”. A small trinket is a “big deal” for someone whose love language is “receiving gifts”. Cleaning ones room is a wonderful way to show someone whose love language is “acts of service” that you care. While a big hug after a long day at school makes someone whose love language is “physical touch” feel super special.

Photo credit: gonhara

Many times you hear of supporting a “good cause”, from giving money to a children’s hospital to walking in a walk that raises money for cancer patients there are a world of “good causes” out there that you can be apart of and teach your children about, however there is no greater cause than the cause of Christ.  Don’t get me wrong, I believe that we should support great causes such as those I mentioned, but even more so, I believe we should teach our children to be “mission-minded”.

I grew up in a “mission-minded” church, today I attend and volunteer in another “mission-minded” church.  These church families believe in missions, “telling others the good news of Jesus Christ”.  We support missions through prayer, education and financial support, some of our members go on mission trips and we do our best to spread the good news of Jesus Christ.  As a child I attended a missions group for girls and I now direct a similar group for teen girls in my local church.

I hope to raise “mission-minded” kids.  It is my goal that they understand that missions is “every Christian’s responsibility” not just those who choose to give more by becoming a missionary and traveling to or living on the other side of the world, but we are all called to “live out” the Great Commission,

“Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Matthew 28:18-20 (NIV)

Teach your daughter about missions, give her the opportunity to give to and pray for missions, maybe even take a “family mission trip” or allow her to go with a group on a missions trip. It will be a life changing experience. It will make an impact on her.

Never forget why we are saved, to carry on the news of salvation to others, and that involves being “missions-minded”, it is our Greatest Mission!

Photo credit: ba1969

Little girls, they play dress up, talk to imaginary friends and dream of being grown up. They  create tea parties for their teddy bears, teach an imaginary classroom full of students and build an entire Barbie empire in their bedroom.  Right or are these activities lost in the new age hustle and bustle and avalanche of technology? Are they being replaced by Wii games, dancing to Ipod music and created dream houses on computer games or hand held Nintendo DS systems? 

As good as technology is and as many things as it has allowed us as a society to do, there is a time for it, and then there is a time for letting little girls, be well little girls and there are things that they can learn from good old fashioned activities, such as dress up and tea parties.

As a child the activities I loved the most were the ones that allowed me to use my imagination,  from imaginary friends to teaching a room full of imaginary students in my imaginary classroom known as my bedroom I enjoyed every minute of those times where I used my imagination for play.  Unfortunately, as our children are growing up in an age of technological advances much of this type play is slowly diminishing.

There is something you can do about this.  Limiting your daughter’s time that she uses “technology” to play is important to help her continue to use and grow her imagination.  Plus, she will learn to enjoy those activities that don’t involve technology even more.

As mom and daughter you can enjoy these activities together.  Invite a few friends and their daughters over for a “mother daughter tea party”, play dress up with your daughter allowing her to try on your clothes and fix her up in your makeup,  allow her to enjoy the experience and use it to bond with her.

It is through these special activities that you can get to know your daughter better, that you can see the twinkle in her eyes and you can influence her heart.  It is never too early to begin, as you want her to see you as someone she can have fun with, so that later on in life she will look to you for someone that she can truly learn from and share with every activity she enjoys and every dream that lies within her heart.

photo credit: Donna & Andrew

I’m not sure where I learned it, or even if I did, but somewhere along the way over my lifetime I have developed a servant’s heart. It is one characteristic that I am blessed to be developing, and one that I admire in others.  Being a servant is one of the key traits of Jesus Christ, and as a Christian I have been in the process of becoming more like Jesus daily.

If this concept can be taught, then it is one I believe that we should definitely pass on to our daughters. Maybe it’s one that can only be “caught” as I spoke of recently, but either way it is worth attempting to teach, in one way or another.

The Bible likens servant hood with greatness. It says in Matthew 20: 25-28,

“Jesus called them together and said, “You know that the rulers of the Gentiles lord it over them, and their high officials exercise authority over them. Not so with you. Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave- just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

In my eyes, having a servant’s heart means several things, these things include:

Seeing others through the eyes of Jesus. As a result you don’t see others the way that they truly are, but rather how they could be. So many times we see other’s sin and we begin to hold it against them, we hate the sinner rather than the sin, when God hates the sin, not the sinner. We must see other’s through the eyes of Jesus to truly be humble enough to serve. After all, Christianity is not only about serving God, but also serving others.

Seeing needs and meeting them. There are needs all around us, needs that need to be met, but so often times are ignored.  As one with a servant heart you will see those needs and be willing to meet them.  A true servant heart will also do so without being asked.

Doing what you can, when you can, because you can. A person with a servant’s heart will not only see the need and meet it but will do so often, and will make it their mission to serve.  They will consistently and frequently look for ways that they can serve.  They understand the heart of ministry and go out of their way to be a part of it, where ever they are, whenever they can.  They don’t wait around for opportunities to serve, they create them.

Teach your daughter to have a servant’s heart.  Teach her what it means to serve.  You can help to encourage them to serve by discussing with them what it means, pointing out to them those who serve in  your church and what they do to serve, help them to realize that everyone can serve, but not everyone serves alike.  Help them to realize we are all gifted in certain areas, but that sometimes we just need to do what needs to be done, no matter what our gifts.

Thinking back to my own years in grade school I attempt to recall how I felt.  I know I was painfully shy and attempted to just “blend” in and not be noticed.  Though I don’t recall it at this time, I’m sure there were incidences of “mean girls” even in my day, but fortunately for me, I don’t remember it so much.  Unfortunately, for most girls today “mean girls” and their viciousness is quite rampant in today’s society.

How do you teach your daughter to deal with the “mean girls” no matter what her age?  They seem to be starting this syndrome earlier and earlier.  So, we must equip our daughter(s) to deal with it.  How, you ask? I believe many of the principles that we should teach our daughter(s), no matter if they are dealing with mean girls or not are the same principles that will equip her to deal with them.

The Golden Rule. Matthew 7:12 says, “So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” (NIV)  So many times girls are hurt, and rightly so but they begin to focus inward, on their own thoughts and feelings and they never give a thought to the other person.  Many times girls are “mean” and vicious because of a lack of something, whether it be love, attention, or something else.  Encourage your daughter to treat the “mean girl” as she wants to be treated, not how they treat her.

Empower her. Help your daughter to focus on her own positive traits and abilities.  So many times “mean girls” target those girls who seem to have no self-esteem or a low self-esteem.  In many ways they are making it easier on themselves.  It is easier to put down a person who is already low to begin with, but if your daughter is thinking “positively” and using her own good qualities to bring up her self-esteem and empower herself she is less likely to be a victim of the “mean girls”.

Build her relationships. Again, many times girls are picked on by the “mean girls” because they are easily centered out from the others.  Have your daughter to focus on building relationships so that she is never caught alone and so she isn’t easily pegged.  A lack of good, healthy relationships in a girl’s life is one of the reasons that “mean girls’ exist in the first place.  Finding like-minded individuals in which she has things in common can help her to build good, positive relationships, which she will carry throughout life and which will be an encouragement to her.

Unfortunately, the mean girls likely won’t go away, however your daughter’s tendency to be picked on by them can change with the right focus in your daughter’s life.  Be an agent of positive change in your daughter’s life to help her to deal with and combat the role of the “mean girls” in her life.

I have heard it said many times, “Values are better caught than taught”.  Are there values or morals that you are hoping to teach your children? Do you attempt to “teach” these values or do you live them?  Are they a part of who you are and with your daily life do you show that you have that value or moral belief?

I believe that our morals and values or beliefs are shown in our actions.  If you are truly showing what you believe in then you will be “living” what you believe.  As a result your children will witness those beliefs and will begin to take them as their own, thus “catching” them.  That is why you must LIVE it.  If you don’t believe in becoming drunk with wine and are trying to teach your children to abstain from drinking alcohol then you must not do it yourself.  If you are attempting to teach your children to honor God and not devalue him by taking his name in vain then do not do it yourself.  It is that simple.

The same can be true for things that you want your children to put in high regard.  If you want them to read their Bible daily then model that action for them.  Children can learn both negative and positive actions from their parents.  Don’t you want what you are teaching them by example to be only what is “good”?

So, think about what your children are catching and if it is what you are wanting them to get or not.  Maybe you need to change your own actions or attitudes to make sure they are “worth catching”.

Girls,  How many times has your momma said this, “Because I said so.” When my momma said it, she backed it with a promise.  She meant business.  I knew  my mom meant business, but she also modeled obedience for me.  She expected me to obey, but she also obeyed God.  She modeled this for me.

She made time for me.  She made his teachings a part of our daily life.  God’s commandments in my home were rules to live by, not just because my mom said so, but because God said so.  God says the same thing.  He expects us to do things because He says so.

The Bible says in Ephesians 6:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Honor your father and mother which is the first commandment with a promise – that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Ephesians 6:1-3

You see, God tells us to do something and He backs it up with a promise. And you know what?  God keeps His promises. How many times have you promised someone something and NOT kept your promise?  Or maybe someone promised you something and they didn’t keep their promise.  But with God, He ALWAYS keeps His promises.

He tells us to obey our parents, and our parents must obey God.  He also gives them a command, it is found in Deuteronomy 6

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them  when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.  Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.  Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”  Deuteronomy 6:5-9

We as parents are to teach our children to love God,  as a result of this love our children will learn to honor and obey God,  this will cause them to learn to be obedient.  Honor comes through obedience.

When we learn to obey and honor our parents we are being obedient to God and we will therefore receive His promises.

Parents will often make promises to us as well.  As parents we must follow through with our promises in order to help our children to learn obedience.  My parents were ones to keep their promises whether it was a promise of punishment if I disobeyed or a promise of something I wanted or was wishing for.

I had to first learn to be obedient.  Even when my momma said, “Because I said so.”

There are times in our lives when we need someone to go to, but many times we wish we had someone that is removed from the situation that we are going through.  Many times the issues that we deal with have much to do with our family or friends, and therefore going to a friend or family member is difficult and too close for comfort, or maybe we just do not want to hear, “I told you so.”  No matter what the case is, it can be a rewarding to have a relationship with a  “mentor” in your life, someone outside your family or circle of friends to help you deal with the ups and downs of life.

A mentor, is someone who is more experienced than you in life that you can go to in time of need or that you can use as a sounding board to bounce issues off of or to brainstorm ideas with for any given situation.  They may or may not be “older” than you chronologically, but they should be someone whom you feel that you can benefit from in the area of  knowledge and life experience.

A mentor will help you by sharing their life experience with you, may often give advice or at least be there to listen, which is what most of us need in life, a shoulder to cry on a place to go when we just need to vent.

When choosing a mentor you will want to be sure to choose someone that you can trust.  When asking the person to be your mentor you will need to be ready to tell them what you will expect from the relationship and what they can expect from you.  You will want to decide how you will work your relationship and if you will meet together often, or how often you will communicate, generally what your relationship will mean to each of you.  You will want to set your expectations from the beginning so that neither of you are disappointed.

The process of mentoring and being a mentor can be a great experience if you know from the beginning what you hope to gain from it.

Photo credit: Lars Andreas

Several weeks ago I volunteered at a DiscipleNow Weekend leading 7th-9th grade girls in Bible study.  One of the questions that they asked that stumped me a little was this, “How do I keep from repeating the same sin, or giving into the same temptation over and over?”

Now, week’s later I know exactly what I would say.  Though there may be other solutions, one of the best solutions that I have for this issue is “accountability”.  I look back on my teenage years and I remember having just one or two friends who took their faith as seriously as I did.  Those friends held me accountable for my actions.  Today, I have multiple friends who still do the same for me.

When looking for an accountability partner it is important to look for someone who is:

• Close to you in age. This may not necessarily mean chronological age, but could also mean “maturity” level.  We all mature at different speeds and you’ll want to take “Christian” maturity into account as well.  You will need to be on the same level with this person.
• Trustworthy. You will need to be able to discuss personal issues with the person and be able to trust that they will keep them confidential.
• Share the same morals and beliefs. In order to be able to hold each other accountable you will have to have the same morals and beliefs.  If you don’t believe in drinking alcohol but your accountability partner does, you won’t be able to truly be held accountable.

While an accountability partner cannot keep you from sinning they will help you to be able to keep in mind the fact that you are striving to stay away from temptation and avoid sin, especially those that are difficult for you.

It is unlike anything else you will do with your life. Having faith is something that takes a long time to understand and even longer to truly feel that you have. As the Bible says,

“Faith is being sure of what you hope for and certain of what you cannot see.” Hebrews 11:1 (NIV)

Faith begins with a relationship with Jesus Christ, the man who gave everything, even His own life for our sins. So, why do we feel that we can hold back, keeping things from Him, especially our lives and what we COULD be doing for Him. Yet, we aren’t we’re keeping them for our own use and selfishly trying to please our own selves more than we are trying to please Him.

Maybe it is due to a “lack of faith”, after all Hebrews 11:6 says that “without faith it is impossible to please God.” (NIV) That is what often keeps us from truly doing for Him, truly living for Him, our own lack of faith.

For some people don’t understand why they need faith in the first place. Faith is needed for several reasons.

1.It takes faith to begin your relationship with God. Because God is someone we can’t see, touch, or hear audibly it takes faith even to come to know and trust Him. Once you do the other parts of faith become a little more manageable.

After all faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God. We may not hear God audibly but we do hear his word. Faith is also an act of “belief” we all have the ability to believe. Just like you believe that a chair in your home will hold you up, you believe that God is real. You must believe that God is real and that He had His one and only son Jesus die to save us from our sins.

2.You also need faith to truly enjoy the benefits of being a part of the family of God. As Christians, we walk in our own assurance and faith that God is who He says that He is and will do what he says He will do. Everyday life takes faith. And with that faith we enjoy the blessings that God has promised to us.

3.We need faith to point others to Christ. Without the evidence of our faith, many times it is hard to show others the way. God commands us to “go into all the world” without our own faith assured we will not be able to do that effectively.

4.Faith also allows us to grow. We can experience growth as a person and as a Christian through faith. Reading God’s word, spending time in prayer and with other believers in fellowship helps us to do this.

We may think that it takes a great deal of faith to truly accomplish something, however, be reminded that the Bible says if you have faith as small as a mustard seed that you can tell the mountain to move from here to there and it will.

It may not take a large amount of faith to act, but sometimes we feel that it does. Sometimes we feel nudged to take action but we hesitate. Taking our own leap of faith is often scary. Do you need help taking a leap of faith? Check out “Faith Leaps” and see if we can help you with your “leap of faith”.

Photo Credit: C@rljones

It was my eleventh grade year in high school, I had a study hall, where I sat across the table from a guy who I’d been friends with since preschool. We knew each other well. He knew me well enough to know that I didn’t party, but nevertheless this particular week he decided to bug me about coming to a party that weekend. For some reason he just would not let it go, no matter how many times I told him no.

The weekend rolled around and I was hanging out in the school parking lot with my boyfriend and another couple. Everyone that dropped by the lot that night was going to “the party”. They were all asking us if we were coming and I was still hesitating. I knew it was not something I needed to do, but at the same time I’d never been to one before. The temptation was intense. Finally, I gave in and agreed to go under the condition that we’d stop and get me a Coke on the way so I would know what I was drinking.

My boyfriend agreed, we grabbed me a Coke, and headed out to the pasture where the party was being held. Basically it was a muddy pasture, a few headlights turned on for light and a keg of beer. That week I had just been shopping with my mom and had a brand new pair of Mudd jeans, and a new pair of sandals. I hated getting them muddy but got out, grabbed my boyfriend’s arm and tried to tiptoe through the mud. I was on a mission to find the guy from study hall and let him know that I was there.

After surveying the crowd for a few minutes I saw him, looking like he’d had too much to drink already, but nevertheless, I made a beeline to him and spoke. He didn’t have much to say, so I turned back around and let my boyfriend know I was ready to leave. The guy and ninety percent of the others in attendance were already drunk. Just the idea of being there made me nervous. I was ready to go, I knew I had accomplished nothing as the guy in study hall wouldn’t even recall my being their on Monday morning.

But, I remembered it, and twelve years later I still recall that night and think of it as a lesson learned. Because when I got home that night the guilt that hung over my head was thick. And the mud caked on the hem of my brand new Mudd jeans was a screaming reminder of the sin that was all around me in that cow pasture. The sin of my peers choosing to participate in underage drinking, and for some of them that sin would lead to other sins.

I may not have “sinned” by drinking that night, but I did give into temptation and I did fall short of “God’s glory”. I didn’t stand on my convictions, but allowed others to influence me. Do you stand firm on your convictions or allow the world to sway you?

The Bible says in Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed by the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind so that you can test and approve what God’s will is, his good, pleasing and perfect will.” (NIV)

The world will push you to and fro, it will always want you to choose its way over Gods, but stand firm on your own convictions, and let God do the rest.

There are many commandments that we are given as children of God. The Bible lays these out for us in the Ten Commandments and other Scriptures. Some are easy to follow, while others we struggle with.  Honoring our father and mother is one that during our teen years we often struggle to keep.  The simple commandment,

“Honor your father and your mother,” Exodus 20:12 (NIV),

becomes so complex as get to this age.  For some strange reason as we hit around the age of thirteen our parents become dumber and we become smarter.
This was my personal experience.  I can remember thinking that they were so wrong, while I was so right.  Many an argument was fought because of this.  Whether it be a disagreement over whether I could go somewhere with my friends, how messy my room was, or how I chose to wear my hair, I thought they were wrong and I was right.

Sure, my friends often had crazy ideas my parents were right about not letting me participate in, my room did often resembled a pig sty, and my hair  needed washing more than once per week, but I sure did not think so in my naive little thirteen year old brain.

So, as moms and dads, how do we get our children, especially those of the teenage variety to clue into the fact that we are “smart”?  The truth is, as a former teen myself, I believe it is a phase we all have to go through.  Quite honestly as time went by, my parents got smarter and smarter.  I began to clue in to the fact that some of the things they were telling me really were for my own good and slowly I came back onto their side of many an issue.

By the age of eighteen I had come to realize that I needed them, they had good advice, and I could count on them more than my friends.  So, do not loose hope, your child will come around again.  So, be patient, and wait for them to realize the error of their ways, receive their newfound belief in you with love, and be grateful for their new found belief in what you have to say.

The Bible’s words are true that if you,

“Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not turn from it.”  Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

Let that verse be the hope that you cling to as you continue to train your child, no matter how dumb they attempt to make you feel, because Mom and Dad, your honor will soon be restored to its rightful  place.

During my teen years I vividly remember the times I desperately wanted a new shirt, a new jacket, a new anything for that matter and my dad having to tell me no. I know now after becoming a parent that it was difficult for him to do so and I also know after becoming an adult that it was not something that he could help.

No matter if he could provide everything I wanted, he always provided everything I needed and though at the time I may not have seemed grateful. Now, looking back on those days I truly am. How do you teach your daughter to be grateful, in a world where she feels pressure to keep up with the latest trends, fashions and not stand out too much from her peers?

First, it is important that she understand that it is okay not to fit in, and it is more than okay to stand out, but in a good way. Standing out and standing up for her values and beliefs is something that is far better than staying “in style”.

Once you help your daughter to establish her own identity by discussing the fact that it is okay to be different then she will soon begin to take on her own values and beliefs not just because you told her to believe that way or she has grown up around people who share specific values and beliefs, but because she believes and values those things as well. They have become a part of who she is. Take it from someone who now understands as an adult why I have certain values and beliefs and who cherishes those who taught me those things.

So, maybe my daddy couldn’t give me every new fashion trend that hit the market, but he did give me something bigger, something better and far more valuable. He gave me a strong set of morals, values and beliefs that have carried me much farther than any fad every could.

Do you have an open door policy? Meaning, can your daughter and her friends hang out at your house whenever they want? I just recently watched an episode of Wife Swap. Both ladies on the show had swapped places with each other and both families had teenage girls. One of the moms allowed her daughter(s) to have company anytime including male friends without supervision, while the other never allowed her daughters to have friends over.

The show was a bit sad, with both of the situations being a bit extreme. One set of girls was completely out of control while  the other set was so sheltered and honestly quite pitiful as they were treated so negatively by their parents. Neither set really had a healthy situation in my opinion, which made me think there had to be a happy medium.

It is important that we allow our daughters to have some freedom, especially our teens. But we also have to give restrictions too. There has to be a sense of trust established in order for proper restrictions and balance to be maintained.  A good practice is an open door policy that includes allowing friends to visit when there is adult supervision. You will be surprised how much you can learn from and about your daughter as you witness her interacting with her friends.

Not only will this help you in your relationship with your daughter, your knowledge of her friends and the way that she interacts with them, but it will also help her in her ability to face temptation and say no to it.  She will realize the support that she has in you, as you faithfully back her up and encourage her, not to mention are open to her ideas, and the friendships that she seeks to maintain become a part of your whole family, not just her life but all of your lives.

The friends that she has come over will begin to see the love that you have for your daughter and will begin to respect you, your rules, and your morals and viewpoints.  They will then be more likely to refrain from pressuring your daughter with temptations that they know you would be against.  They would have a greater sense of responsibility to you as they too have a relationship with you.

Then, there is much to be said about how much better you’ll know her friends and how much they will respect you for having them around, opening up your doors, your home and your life to them. It can really do wonders for not only your relationship with your daughter(s) but also your relationship with her friends and her relationship with them as well.

Being a parent of a teen or tween can be tough, I know, but fortunately in this technologically driven age there are so many ways you can connect with them.  Just this morning on the radio I heard that technology and computers is actually a great tool for parents to connect with their teens and I couldn’t agree more.  Whether it is texting them to find out where they are or connecting with them online through social networking sites such as Facebook, there are so many positives to using technology to connect with your teen or tween.

Maybe you feel like you are a little behind in the times when it comes to these new ways of connecting, but the good news is they aren’t hard to learn.  In case you are completely out of the loop and do not have a clue what Facebook is, I”ll start with the basics and walk you through. 

Facebook is a social networking site, or in less techy terms, it’s a place online to connect with others by displaying info about your self including pictures, favorites, hobbies, etc and then befriending others who will communicate with you via your profile by writing you notes, sending you messages and so on.  You can connect and share through pictures, messages and even videos.

Facebook is very user friendly and has been used by everyone from teens to professionals.  You are sure to know someone on Facebook, so after you set up a profile it is almost certain you will make friends immediately and maybe even find old classmates to connect with as well.

However, more than anything, if you’re a parent it is a great way to connect with your teen, because let’s face it, teens and tweens of today, communicate through technology more than they do through opening their own mouths, and they have a whole other social world online unlike any other previous generation.

And though I am encouraging you to venture into this “world” of theirs I also encourage you to do so with caution.  Your child most likely will react in one of two ways,  they will happily befriend you online or they will wish you’d never found out about Facebook.

So, be careful as you begin this venture because you want this to be a positive experience for the both of you.  First you want to be honest with them, ask them about Facebook, even ask them to help you set  up your profile.  Let them know that you want to learn about it and need their help.

Do find other people to connect with, you don’t want your teen to think that you are only on there to snoop on them.  Be aware too that they have control over their privacy on Facebook, it’s privacy settings allow anyone to hide pictures, messages and more from those that they do not want to see it.  So, you may not be seeing everything on your child’s profile, but you can see what they allow you to and it may be a great way to find out things you haven’t known about them before.

Don’t try and befriend their friends on Facebook, unless they request that you add them.  This will cause your child much embarrassment so just lay low.   However, if your child or their friends want to befriend you, then by all means connect!

Facebook really can be a powerful tool for your relationship and can help you to see your child in a new and different light.  So, don’t let it scare you, use it today to enhance your relationship.

“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
Proverbs 31:30 (NIV)

Charm is thought of in today’s society in a variety of ways.  Dictionary.com defined charm in many ways as well, but as it is used in the Proverb, it is a noun.  Dictionary.com says that the noun, charm, is “a power of pleasing or attracting, as through personality or beauty” or “a trait or feature imparting this power.”  This is more often than not how females use their charm today.  To impart power or control over someone in their life, especially their male counterparts.

The Bible speaks of this as being deceptive.  Therefore, this is not the kind of charm you want to exude.  As ladies we need to be careful about the way we use our charm and our beauty so that we can be sure we are not using it in a negative way.  Beauty is not a bad thing.  God created us to be beautiful.  However, we want to do everything in our lives to please Him, rather than to draw attention to ourselves.  We must make certain that we are doing “whatever we do, whether in word or in deed, to the glory of God.”  It is not glorifying God to use your charm or beauty to control someone else.

Beauty can come from more than one source. Beauty is more than just outward beauty, it is also what’s inside.  As 1 Peter 3:3-5 says,

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.” (NIV)

True beauty comes from within.  True beauty exhibits qualities of character and that includes many things.  Here are a few of those qualities:

Honor – honesty, fairness, or integrity in one’s beliefs and actions
Self-control – able to exercise restraint
Virtue – moral excellence
Chastity – pure and chaste
Purity – innocence
A Clean Heart – freedom from evil
Sweetness – kind and sincere
A Quiet Spirit – a sense of inner peace and calmness
Modesty – freedom from vanity

Take some time to evaluate your life, your heart, and how you are using your charm and beauty.  If you do not already exhibit the above characteristics, make it your goal to instill some of these into your life.

To learn more about proper charm invest in the Christian Charm School Workbook.

We all have many things that take up our time, energy, and thoughts daily.  Whether it be school, work, friendships, extracurricular activities, or any number of other things our lives are definitely full, whether it be with good things or bad things, the fact is they are full.

Have you ever considered that even if your life is full of good things that it could still be effecting you negatively?  It is like the old saying, “Too much of a good thing.” We can fill our lives with too many “good things”, making us not be able to focus on any one thing.

A lack of focus can cause you to always feel unfulfilled, lacking, and aimless.  There is one person who can help you to achieve the focus and purpose that you need within your days and your life.  That person is Jesus Christ.  He helps us to center our lives, as long as we put Him in the center of them.

This starts with spending time with Him each day, preferably starting your day with Him, because to truly begin in the right frame of mind you need to begin your day with Christ.  Setting aside this valuable time daily will help you to center your life and your daily schedule allowing you to focus on what is most important.  Spend time consulting God on what is most important for you to do that day.  Petition Him in prayer, and wait for Him to respond to you.

He may respond in a variety of ways:  through His Word, which of course will require that you  spend some time reading it, through the words of someone else, or through some circumstance in your life.  Be aware of this so that you can look for and recognize God’s responding to you.

Then, you will probably want to access what it is that you spend your time on, so that you can determine what is most important and what you can eliminate in order for your life to be truly rewarding, focused and centered.

You could start by making a list of the things that you do and prioritizing them.  You will soon realize what is necessary and what is not, then set out to eliminate those things that are not as necessary.  You can use a process of elimination by asking yourself, “Is this really contributing anything to my life?”  or “Am I doing this for the right reasons?”  and “Am I doing this to please others or myself?”  Asking yourself these type questions will be a revealing process that can lead you to being able to eliminate things from your life.

Once you start this process and you begin spending time daily with God you will begin to see how your life goes from scattered and aimless, to centered and purposeful.

One of the things that can help you to be more centered is to use a journal to record your thoughts and feelings.  Not familiar with journaling?  Check out our 30 Day Journaling Guide for valuable information about journaling.

How do you spell love? Well, you might say L-O-V-E of course, but I would beg to differ. That is because I believe that love can better be spelled for many of us, T-I-M-E. After all for love to be shown, maintained, developed, and given, it takes just that, time. No matter who the love is being shown to it will take you sacrificing your time to spend it showing that person that you love them. It will take you doing this over a period of time, before that person will believe that your love is true. Then it will take you spending time, continually, to ensure that the love relationship is maintained. It takes time to give love to someone else, which is why I spell love, T-I-M-E, instead of L-O-V-E.

So many people today, in many of their relationships believe that the other person knows that they love them, and that the other person has felt that love enough to where they no longer have to show them that love. This is a major mis-judgment, because in fact in order for most of us to feel loved that love must keep being shown, And in order to feel that love we must have the person who is to show their love for us in our presence, which is why love takes time, specifically spending time together.

This is easy for most of us when first meeting someone when a relationship is first established and when we first begin to love them, especially in romantic relationships. Think about it, when you first fall in love with someone you cannot think about anything else but that person. You eat, sleep, and breath their every good quality and seem to never be able to get enough of their presence. However, as time goes on that changes, but your love for them does not, so why do we think that we can somehow spend less time together or should spend less time together?

When it comes to love and showing our love to each other it is important that we do indeed spend time together in order to nurture, grow and maintain the relationship. The time spent on that relationship helps to build a sense of and a true feeling of commitment and trust, which is important to any relationship.

So, if you want a relationship to be well-maintained and to grow as it should be willing to commit the time that it takes to truly show them your love, and if you’re not willing to put in the time, do not expect to receive the commitment and for it to equal the love you are looking for in return.

After having my third child, my friends threw me an impromptu baby shower.  One of the gifts they gave me was a small plaque with a cross and the words “With God All Things are Possible” etched on it.  Right now the plaque sits on the corner of my desk.  It is important to me.  It is a reminder to me, a constant reminder that what it says is true, even on my bad days.

How do you handle your bad days?  Let’s face it we all have them.  We all have good days where our hair does just right, our kids act like they should, we get a lot done in work and around the house, we feel accomplished, able and capable and then there are those days that seem to be just the opposite of that in every way imaginable.  However, even on those days, God is still in control.

I have been challenged and reminded this week of God’s control on my life.  Even though I want to feel in control and be the one in charge in my life, that just cannot be the case, because if the Lord is truly the Lord of and Savior in my life, he has to be the one that is in control.  Am I the only person who has trouble with that?  So, for us to truly get the true benefits of the possibilities that having God in control in our lives can bring we first must release that control to Him.

Yep that’s right we have to give up control and place it in His ever capable, more powerful hands.  Will you join me in allowing God to be in control in your life, the God who has the power to do anything and with who ALL things are possible!

I’ve always loved the saying “attitude is everything.”  I adopted it as my favorite back in high school, but this week it has become so true for me.  You see, I had “one of those weeks”.  I have them every once in a while, those days when I just can’t seem to shake the blues, tend to worry too much, and let me attitude plummet. 

Luckily this morning I had realized what I was allowing myself to do was entirely wrong and that I needed to stop and count my blessings which I did this morning.  Then, I went to speak and hold one of my events for a group of girls and their moms.  One of the girls there came in, and made no bones about expressing her feelings about being there.  Her attitude and body language showed it loud and clear, not to mention that I heard her mutter under her breath to her mom about that very thing.

Needless to say, she definitely showed her “attitude”.  Our attitudes really do tell alot about us to others.  I try to hide it when I have a bad week, but sometimes I’m sure others pick up on my negative attitude, and that is wrong.  That is no way for me to bring glory to God.  After all, He is still taking care of me, and for just that reason if for nothing more, I should have a better attitude.

There are some things we cannot control in life, but our attitudes are one thing that we definitely can control and will speak volumes to those around us about who is in control in our lives, after all if we allow HIM to be in control instead of us, our attitude will be better anyway.  Try it, and you will see that it is true!  God’s control = an attitude of gratitude.

School is starting or maybe it’s already begun where you are.  Either way, there is much to do to prepare for school beginning, whether you homeschool, attend public or private schools, there are supplies to buy, clothes shopping to be done and new routines to get into.  It can be a trying time of year for families.  The hustle and bustle ensues and let’s face it we can all get a little “fussy” to say the least.

However, as Christians it is important that our busyness does not alter our attitudes so much that those around us do not even know that we are Christians.  We are called to be “set apart” from the world.  This should include our attitudes with not only our families, but with others.  Sure this is a crazy busy time of year for everyone, but if you face each busy day with a positive, Christ-like attitude others will take note and wonder what is different about you, and what makes your outlook on life so much different from others, or maybe even their own.

As 1 Peter 3:15-16 says, “But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.”

Others will be recognizing this set-apartness that you have, however they may not know what it is that makes you different, that is where you are responsible as a Christian to be prepared to explain to them or to “give an account” to them for that hope that you have that is being shown in your attitude and hopefully in your actions as well.  So, just like you are preparing for the new school year by buying supplies, getting new clothes and incorporating new routines into you life, you should also be prepared with a testimony or account of why you have the hope that you have through Jesus Christ.

It is not always easy to open your mouth and tell others about your relationship with Christ, but the more you do so the easier it will become, so get prepared!

As a teenager, I’m sure the thought crossed my mind, and probably more than once, but follow through I never did. What thought you’re wondering? “I want to run away.” Many of America’s teenagers have this thought run through their heads at one point or another. Whether it is because of a breakup with a boyfriend, a fight with mom or dad, over their latest episode of breaking curfew or worse, the thought is a prevalent one.

I’ve never really dealt with a runaway before, that is until this week. A teenager from the youth group, I formerly ministered to ran away from home. Though her mom knew where she went eventually, to stay with a family member, it was still an ordeal.  There were many hurt feelings, harsh words exchanged, and a feeling of uneasiness surrounding the entire situation. The mom, for quite a while felt helpless.

There is one person who will never allow us to truly “run away”. God will never allow us to run away from Him. He will always bring us back to Himself. Don’t you recall the story of Jonah running from God? No matter where Jonah ran, he could not escape God’s hand. He even lived inside the belly of a great fish, but God was there.

As the words of the Psalmist so clearly state, we cannot escape from or run away from God.

“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.”
Psalm 139: 7-10 (NIV)

Therefore, though this teen’s mom felt helpless, and the teen thought she was running away, she was never out of God’s hand. She was always firmly in his grasp. None of us will ever truly be alone with Christ in our heart and lives.

Tonight one of the teens from my former youth group graduates from high school. This high school senior will throw his cap in the air and most likely does not have a clue what life has in store for him on the other side of this evening.  He may not realize the importance of the relationships that he has with those other seniors who will stand with him tonight as graduates.

I probably did not either.  I remember my graduation very well.  The day went by quickly and so did the ceremony.  I remember very little of what was said.  I do however remember tossing the cap, hugging my friends, going home for dinner and leaving for summer camp where I was working for the next 8 weeks.  From that day forward to today I have seen my high school friends very little.  It is amazing how quickly time has flown and how little of them I have seen.

Those relationships I had with my classmates I think I took for granted, that or I so naively believed they’d always be there.  However, time has slowly pulled those relationships apart, or at least put distance between us.  Not always negatively, but just as a part of the reality of life.

Most of us have had very fulfilling lives from what I know.  Many of us went off to college, many of us have married, some have had children, others are now expecting.  We have all had to move out of the homes of our parents and into our own places, taking care of our own responsibilities.

What has made this easier is those relationships we have had, both old and new, relationships with each other, our families,  our parents, and the new relationships we’ve formed since high school, with college roommates, colleagues, and others along the way.

All of these relationships are important in their own way because you see God placed them in our path.  He had a hand in each and every one of them.  One might call this divine intervention.  God divinely inspiring those relationships in our lives for just the right time to help fulfill just the right need.  That’s how He works after all.

I think it is important that we treasure those relationships, realizing how important they are to all of us.  Whether they be relationships from our past or those we are presently enjoying they should be treasured because they are a gift from God.

So, whether you’re a high school senior about to throw your cap in the air, or someone who has been in the real world a long time.  Look around you, count those relationships you have or have had and treasure them in your heart.

As a woman we juggle many roles, attempt to maintain many relationships and have many responsibilities. Some of the roles a woman may play are wife, mom, friend, co-worker, and so many more. So how do you juggle all those roles? It can be quite the task.

Then, there are your relationships, which are linked to the roles just mentioned. Relationships are the heartbeat of our lives without them we could not truly function. God created us to be relational beings. He also expects us to put our relationship with Him first, then he even prefers that we order our other relationships as well. He encourages us in His Word to put our husband’s next in line, followed by our children, then our family and finally our friends. Why do so many of us struggle with this?

Finally, we have responsibilities, to ourselves, to our families, to our church, and to the next generation that will follow us. These responsibilities can often be overwhelming. But with the proper order of priorities in our lives in both our roles and in our relationships it will be much easier for us to take care of the responsibilities that God has given us.

In an effort to balance it all, we must seek God’s guidance and trust that He will lead us in the right direction. This requires making time for HIM in our daily routine, preferably as the first thing we do daily. The Bible tells us we should give God our first fruits, this includes our time. You will be surprised how starting your day with God will allow everything else to fall into place.

As a woman, especially if you’re a woman with a daughter that you are influencing, you will want to do all you can to show her the proper order of your roles, relationships and responsibilities so that she can learn from you and not have to struggle with these areas in her adult life.

For this upcoming week in my weekly email to my list subscribers, Mom-Daughter Connection, I spoke of the importance of prayer. I truly believe in the power of prayer and believe that you can pray about anything. The Bible tells us we are to “cast all our cares upon Him, because He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7 (KJV)

The Lord truly wants us to bring our burdens and cares to him through prayer. We are to pray about everything, pray without ceasing.

Here are some things to pray about:

1. Everyday life situations. You can pray about your finances, your health, your kid’s grades, your teen’s peer pressure, your job. LIFE! God understands and He wants you to come to Him with it all.

2. For others. Pray for others, intercession is a privelege and we should always intercede on the behalf of others whether they have asked us to or not, whether they are sick, in need or you just want to thank God for them.

3. The future. Yes, it’s uncertain to us, but God knows all about it, praying for God’s will in our lives will help us to find the future that is best for us. The right path!

4. Thanksgivings. We don’t want to just ASK God for things, we want to take time to THANK HIM for things as well. Thank God for the many blessings he has given you and your family!

5. Your feelings. God can handle it. Feel angry? PRAY, Hurt? PRAY, Guilty? PRAY. Prayer is always a good answer to how you are feeling.

Still feeling unsure? Purchase our My Heart to His Prayer Journaling Devotional Guide to learn more about prayer and prayer journaling.

God works in even the smallest details in our lives. It’s true, just today I was sharing with some girls at one of my events several stories of God’s working in the tiny details of my life. I love to share these stories. You might call them tiny miracles, but whatever you choose to call them, I enjoy telling others about them and I praise God for His revealing His plans and His hand at work in my life. It keeps me going.

I thought I would share with you a couple of my most recent “miracles”. The first one is a fun one about my latest pregnancy and a related “decorating” issue. Yes, decorating, pretty funny that GOD has a hand in my decorating huh? Well, A few weeks ago we were about to find out what baby number three was going to be. It was the night before and we were sitting with my son telling him that tomorrow was the big day and we were going to be finding out if he was having a baby brother, or a baby sister. My husband was showing him the JCPenney catalog and they were looking at bunk beds. He told my son “If you have a baby brother we can get you bunk beds and you can share when he gets bigger.” My son was so excited, and sure enough the next day we find out we’re having another boy, bunk beds are in our future.

Later that night I was thinking about us getting the bunk beds and the fact that I had just in the last year bought my son his new bedspread and how I didn’t want to have to buy a new one so soon, until I remembered something. That something was that back when I bought my son’s bedspread, which I got on EBAY by winning an auction that I won for $30, after winning I realized that the auction was for not one, but two matching bedspreads. So, the bedspreads had arrived and I had put away one of the bedspreads just in case my son was to destroy the one I had put on his bed. You see I had never dreamed over a year ago that I would need bedspread number two for another child. Another child was not in my plans, but was obviously in God’s and he even gave me the bedspread to prove it.

I hope you can find the little miracles God works in your life, even in the smallest things, revealing the presence of HIS mighty hand and power in our lives.

Quiet time or time alone with God is so important to all of us. I believe that it is how we as Christians grow in Christ. Becoming a Christian should be more to us than just fire insurance or a way to stay out of hell. I think it is important to emphasize to our children that being a Christian involves more than just accepting Jesus.

It is about forming and growing a relationship with God. As a youth/children’s minister, I used this example many times. If you have any relationship, whether it is with a friend, a parent, a boyfriend/girlfriend, how do you get to know that person, through spending time with them right? And if you do not spend time with them you cannot get to know them. The same goes with our relationship with God. We must spend time with Him in order to get to know Him, and there is no way that we will get to know Him if we do not spend time with Him. It is that simple. That is why our quiet time is so important.

The Christian life is a growth process, in order to grow we must spend time reading God’s word, talking to God, listening to God, memorizing Scripture, applying Scripture to our lives, all of these things we can do during our quiet time with God each day. There are some several keys to having a quiet time; I would like to briefly share some of them with you.

Keys to Quiet Time:
-Find a special place to have it.
-Bring your Bible, pen, paper and an open mind.
-Set aside a specific time each day.
-Be prepared to hear from God.

It truly is as simple as sitting down with a paper, pen, and Bible, though if you feel that you need other tools, a great devotional book such as 15 Minutes Alone with God is a good choice as well.

When I was a teen, a popular contemporary Christian song was Friends are Friends Forever by Michael W. Smith. It talked about having a lifetime of friendship, a tearjerker of a song that was used at many baccalaureate services and other memorable events.

This song points out that a friend is a friend forever if “the Lord is the Lord of them”. This suggests that we include God in our friendships. In Godly friendships there are not just two people involved, but three. The relationship could be represented by a triangle. You and your friend are connected at the bottom of the triangle to God, at the top, which would be over you and Lord of both of your lives. The Bible says that this is the strongest of friendships in Ecclesiastes 4:12 it says, “A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Choosing Godly friends is so important. Friends have a tremendous impact upon how we think, feel, act and behave. The Bible says in Proverbs 12:26, “The righteous should choose his friends carefully, for the way of the wicked leads them astray.”

It is difficult to obtain Godly friendships. Many teens today, who grow up in rural communities like the one I did, may have the same peers in their lives from the time they are a small child, until they graduate high school. Therefore, their choice of friendships is limited.

When I was a teen, I had the same friends that I had met in preschool at the age of three at least for the most part. These friends did not always uphold and follow the same morals and beliefs that I held. I soon found out who my “real Godly friendships” were just by the way they would react to my standing up for what was right or setting myself apart from what was wrong.

As a teenager, this was hard to do, but now, almost 10 years since my high school graduation I am glad I did so all during high school. I value the friends who stood by me, whether they agreed with me or not, and even more so I am thankful that God always sends the people you need into your life.

Because, now as an adult, I still maintain some of my old friendships, but I have also created new friendships, and God has given me true friendships where the Lord is the Lord of them. I am now blessed with a group of girlfriends who share my same beliefs, encourage my convictions, and hold me accountable for my actions. They also pray for me, cry with me, and celebrate with me. I am thankful to be experiencing the whole range of lifetime friendships that God has blessed me with.

Godly friendships may seem difficult to find, but worth the wait. Don’t give up on finding your lifelong friends.

This article was written by Alyssa Avant and is Copyrighted 2008.

4 Keys To Peaceful Communication
By: Tami Walsh

Areas of Mother-Daughter Conflict Include But Aren’t Limited To:

* Independence/Power Struggles
* Curfew
* Friends you believe are negative influences
* Grades/Academic Performance
* Choices/Decision Making
* Homework/Procrastination
* Dating
* Drinking/Drugs
* Taking personal responsibility for her life/her priorities, etc.
* Respect/Attitude/Talking Back
* Parties without adult supervision

There are also some additional timely conflict areas given the access to internet sites such as YOUTube, MySpace and Facebook.com. Anxiety levels between mothers and daughters often center around those sites and the content girls want to display as well as the amount of time girls spend on them.

As your eternal optimist and parenting coach, I am here to say, there are a few key ways to bridge these gaps and have more closeness and connection.

1. Talk to Other Moms Regularly

Learn what other moms are experiencing with their daughters. When children are younger, moms communicated more with each other on the playground, etc. As children become teens, it becomes harder to connect with other parents because teens’ social lives are in “their hands.”

Remedy: It is important to communicate and connect with other moms. Have lunch and talk. Reach out to others who are not necessarily your close friends as well. You can learn a lot about what YOUR relationship by talking to other moms. You can also “band together” to raise your teen safely and feel “in the loop” on her life.

Bonus Idea: Create a forum for other parents to discuss issues and concerns by hosting a lunch or brunch in your home. And you can choose to let your teen know or not know that you are doing so. That’s YOUR right as a parent.

2. Listening

Listening is the foundation of all good communication. How do you talk to your teen when she has an attitude or won’t communicate? When she comes home from school, she may be ranting and raving about a teacher or coach who has singled her out. You feel angry and reactive because of her bad attitude or tone of voice, yet you know she is upset and you want to help. What can you do?

Remedy: Learn to listen and do what I call the “pause and parrot” technique. For 60 seconds, actually looking at the second hand on your watch, stay completely quiet. Listen without interrupting or saying anything. Don’t give advice or try to fix it.

After the 60 seconds, “feed back” or “parrot” what your daughter is saying versus giving her feedback. For example, your daughter is ranting and complaining about how much her math teacher hates her, you look at your watch and time yourself for 60 seconds and even if your daughter asks if you are listening just nod your head affirmatively. After one complete minute, you would say something like, “you are really angry at your teacher” or “you really feel like she/he is out to get you don’t you?”

Initially your teenager may look at your sideways (especially if you have traditionally been Fix-It-Mom) but doing this will most likely reduce the level of ranting and raving and let her know you empathize with her struggle.

Here’s The Key: Teens want to feel heard and more than anything they want to feel like you understand them. Using the “pause and parrot” technique lets your daughter know that you are listening without judging and you are a safe person to go to when she has a problem.

Bonus: When she feels listened to and heard, she is in a better position to solve her own problems or possibly take suggestions from you! Cool!!

3. Effective Dialoging

All mom’s can relate to being the recipient of the “teen eye roll” or the blank stare. These are indicators that your daughter is shutting you off. This can occur when she feels you are lecturing, preaching or repeating yourself (teens HATE that!)

Remedy: Instead of sounding like a broken record to your teen, ask questions to get her thinking. For example, one of my client’s daughters came home from school and she had a list of friends she wanted to invite to her sweet 16 party. Her mom looked over the list and saw the name of a girl she couldn’t believe her daughter had thought to invite because this girl had historically treated the daughter horribly. (Can you relate?)

The mom launched right in to what I call “teacher mode” and began to badger her daughter to find out why she had included the girl’s name on the list. The daughter got defensive and shut down, feeling undermined by her mom’s questioning. This is a tough situation and one that I empathize with mom’s on. How can your daughter think of inviting a girl who had been so mean to her just months ago to the point of tears, and now think of including her on her special birthday celebration? It’s so difficult to detach from your own emotions and allow your daughter the dignity to make her own choice, but YOU HAVE TO DO IT! You don’t however have to stay completely quiet about this. I recommend you ask questions to get your daughter thinking about her choice to invite this girl. For example, you can say something like this:

“I see you have such a great list here and a lot of friends you want to invite. This is going to be a terrific party. I noticed you have “———“ name on this list. What makes you want to invite her to the party? Do you think you’ll be comfortable having her there” If you ask these questions in a gentle way (not from a heated or charged place because of your personal disdain for this girl) she will tend to think about how she might feel rather than become defensive or shut down.

4. Four-to-One Rule

Remedy: Every time you hear yourself make a demand, or critical comment, find four ways to acknowledge or praise your daughter. This also applies to daughters for their mothers. (Glad you’ll be getting more “thank you’s” soon?) This will bring you both out of the vacuum of being critical and become more respectful of your relationship.

Bonus Exercise: Take 5 minutes each night and go into your daughter’s room. For 5 minutes tell each other what you value and you appreciate about one another. This reduces tension and builds a bridge immediately.

Article by:

Tami Walsh, M.A. is President and founder of TeenWisdom, a Los Angeles and San Diego based life coaching company dedicated to the empowerment of teens and parents. Tami is often referred to by teens as the “older sister you’ve always wanted” because she understands what today’s teenagers are going through, and she gives them the no-nonsense advice they are looking for. To learn more about Tami’s products and services, visit her website www.teenwisdom.com

This is the final post in a series on Stewardship. You can begin at the first post by clicking here. From there you can follow the links to each of the 5 posts in this series.

What else is it important to be a good steward of… what about your belongings, your possessions. Again we want to find out if you are a faithful steward. Do you remember what that is. Let’s review, Are you a STEWARD? Let’s find out what this word means.

A steward is a man who manages or takes care of another’s property. The word actually means “the manager of a house.” It does not mean the OWNER of the house, but it means the MANAGER of the house.

Most of us do not need to have a steward. We are not too rich, and the few possessions that we do have we can look after and take care of ourselves. But if a man has 10 houses, 8 boats, 150 acres of land, 500 head of cattle, 3 swimming pools, 25 cars, 8 trucks and one oil field, then certainly he would not be able to take care of all these possessions by himself. He would need men to help him manage all of these things. A steward is a manager–one who is responsible to take care of those things that belong to someone else.

Are you a STEWARD? Are you responsible to take care of those things that belong to someone else? You might say, “I’m not a STEWARD, I’m an OWNER. I do not own very much, but I do own some things. I own some clothes, some books and some other important possessions that are in my room. These things are mine and I own them. I own them and I take care of them.”

Suppose you were to save up some money and finally you buy an electronic or video game which you have always wanted. Would this game be yours? Would you be the owner of it? It is yours because YOU BOUGHT IT!

Usually when we own something, we also own everything that goes with it. For example, if your parents own a car, then usually they also own the radio that is in the car and the things that are in the trunk of the car and the spare tire and anything else that goes along with the car. Suppose you were to own a pet hamster. Probably you would also own the hamster’s cage and water bottle and food and exercise wheel and whatever else comes with the hamster.

The same is true with God and the believer. Not only does God own the believer, but He also owns everything that goes with the believer. Not only does God own ME, but He also owns everything that I have–my clothes, my money, my possessions, my body and everything else that is mine! It’s all His! He’s the OWNER!

If God is the OWNER, then this means that I am the STEWARD. I am the one who should take good care of these things that belong to God. I am the one who is responsible to be a good manager of my clothes, my body, my money, my possessions and all that I have, because all of these things really belong to the Lord!

One things for sure our teens need to learn about giving back to the Lord.  A good way to do this is to have them to complete a course in finances such as Financial Peace for the Next Generation by Dave Ramsey.

This is the fourth in a series of posts on Stewardship. You can find the first post here.

Now, we have spoken about honoring God with our body, our gifts, and our natural talents now what about life’s most precious commodity, our T-I-M-E. Do you know that the word Love is often spelled out best T-I-M-E. No other time in history have people struggled with this issue than in our century. In a day in age where we have literally everything to make our lives easier, fast food, fast cars, the latest and greatest technology, we’re all still frequently caught saying, “I just don’t have time.”

When I was a youth minister, the answer most youth gave me for not spending time with God or on the things of God is this, TIME. I always reminded them that they make time for the things in their lives that are important to them. The guys spend literally hours and hours each week practicing football, lifting weights, training for the big game. The girls spent literally hours a week fixing their hair, applying makeup, picking out that perfect outfit, trying to impress that guy they’d like to go out with or impressing their latest hookup. You may say, oh I don’t do either of those things. But, I’m willing to bet if you kept a log of the things that you spent your TIME on. You would find that you spend your time on what is important to you. The Bible does remind us that, “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21.

If you can make time for those other “less important” things in your life then you can make time for God. Can that extra practice or few minutes spent in front of the mirror really make the difference in your eternity that God can?

So, where do you spend your time? As an act of love we should spend time with God, and we should spend time serving God and others. God wants us to “make the most of our time.” Ephesians 5:16 , one version of the Bible says, Making the best use of your time, another says, making the most of every opportunity. Every day is FILLED with opportunities. There are opportunities to learn, opportunities to help others, opportunities to tell others about the Lord (see Chapter 13), opportunities to obey parents, opportunities to trust the Lord, etc. Every day is LOADED with opportunities. Am I missing out on these opportunities or am I making the most of them?

Every day God gives each one of us 1440 minute. A short poem I found online says this:

I have only just a minute, only sixty seconds in it,Forced upon me, can’t refuse it; didn’t seek it, didn’t choose it;But it’s up to me to use it. I must suffer if I lose it,Give account if I abuse it. It is only just a minute,BUT ETERNITY IS IN IT!

At the beginning of each day we can pray: “Lord, thank You for another day and for all the opportunities that will come my way. Help me to use the hours and minutes in the best possible way so that I can be a good steward of time.”

Don’t you feel loved when others spend time with and time on you? Think about it. For those of you who have a boyfriend, don’t you feel loved by him when he spends time with you? What about your best friend? You show people you care about them by spending time with them. Therefore, you can show the Lord that you love him by spending time with him. Spending time serving him in your local church and in your community, volunteering, singing in the church choir, taking care of children in the nursery, whatever ever needs done step in and do it as a spiritual act of service, and a way to be a good “steward”.

This is the second in a series of posts on stewardship to read the first post click here.

Do you have a daily quiet time? If you do not I challenge you to do so. This involves spending time with God daily, in prayer and Bible study. It involves setting aside time everyday for spending time alone, just you and God. This allows you to hear from God, Learn from his word, find answers to your problems, get direction for your life and have the knowledge to face almost any situation. In this way you will know how to be a good steward of another aspect of your life, that of your body.

The Bible says ,
“I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.” Psalm 119:11
Hiding God’s word in our hearts helps us to know how not to sin against God, most importantly with our bodies.
. What does the Bible say about the use of our bodies?

God has given each one of us a body which is “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Psalm 139:14). What are some of the ways that we care for our bodies in a way that would please the One who is our OWNER?

What are some of the things that we should avoid (things that might harm our body and things that would not please the Lord)?

God has given me a brain and a mind. Am I using the mind God has given me? Do I pay attention in school and in church to my teachers and seek to learn all that I can? Do I ask God to help me to be learning new things every day?

Honoring God by what we do with our body is a form of spiritual worship . “Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”(Romans 12:1-2)

It shows God that we respect him and our bodies, which are made in his image. Our body is literally a temple of the Holy Spirit of God. This temple is owned by God, and leased back to us for use to glorify God. If we use it to dishonor God sexually, it is sinning “against the body.” The consequences of sinning against one’s own body are not specified in this passage, but I believe they could include sickness, unbridled lust, missed opportunities to serve God and a chilling of our relationship with God.

“Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s”. The benefits of honoring God with our bodies are awesome. They include the fruits of the Holy Spirit, which include love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23 NKJV). I encourage you to believe that these fruits are desirable and worth the effort of resisting the temptations of sin.

Last week my Mom Daughter Connection podcast was about “Taking Care of God’s Money”. I thought I would continue along these lines this week and share with you my view of stewardship, a related money topic.

This will begin a series of several posts on stewardship. I had a ton of information to share so check back for more.

How many of you remember getting your drivers license? Maybe you girls are longing to get your driver’s license. If so you can relate to the following story.

I remember getting my first car. A 1989 Ford Bronco II Eddie Bauer Edition I thought I was the “stuff”. I was the first girl in my class to get their own car. Boy, did I have a lot of friends that is until someone else got their own car. Anyway, that vehicle my daddy bought for me from a guy in our neighborhood for $5000. I remember my daddy setting his “rules” for my car. The number of people I could have ride with me, when I could drive it, where I could drive it. My daddy was a stickler for rules. I remember the first time one of my friends wanted me to drive them somewhere I knew my daddy had told me I couldn’t go in my car. I kept telling her no, and she kept saying, but it’s your car you can go where you want in it. But, was it really my car? No, it was my daddy’s car, after my daddy bought it, he paid for the gas and he paid for the insurance for me to drive it. I remember telling her that and she hung up the phone mad of course.

Now, as an adult, I have a vehicle it is mine, I paid the payments, I pay for the gas and the insurance, and I can go where I want to in it, let whomever I want to drive it, or ride in it, listen to whatever music I want to in it, it’s mine and I make the choices about that car. Now, if I let you borrow my car, would you be given the same privileges I have while you were in my car. Well, maybe, but most likely I’d put some stipulations on it, I might ask you not to drive over a certain speed or I might ask you not to eat in my car or listen to the music too loud, or even move the seat into a more comfortable position. I could do that right, because I own the car.

Now, let’s compare this to your life. Your life is yours right. You own it, and you control it. Well, let’s think about this for a minute. I’m assuming some of you have already taken the opportunity to accept God’s gift of salvation and therefore you consider yourself to be saved, and a follower of Christ, what we call a “Christian”. The Bible says that if this is the case that “you are not your own, you were bought at a price”, it goes on to say “therefore honor God with your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (NIV) So, to me, this means that our life is not really OUR OWN, we belong to God and therefore we should honor God with our life, including our body, our time, our possessions, and our finances.

After all, isn’t God the owner of everything? David the Psalmist says so, in Psalm 24:1, “The Earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it, the world and all that live in it.” If you believe that the Bible is the Word of God and that it is all true, then it is true that God owns EVERYTHING! He owns you, and me. He owns our cars, our houses, our land, the McDonald’s on every street corner in America, and the mansions in Beverly Hills. And, he lends to us and entrusts us with those things that he calls “his”. Isn’t that a privilege?

Just take a moment and think about your most treasured possession. Maybe it’s your favorite shirt, or a ring or piece of jewelry, or maybe its your cell phone or your IPOD maybe even a computer or even a car. Now, would you just want to give it to someone to take care of, or would you have a hard time trusting them with it, after all its yours.

However, God gives us all of his prized possessions and he trusts us with them. We know this because he loves us and blesses us daily. He gave us his son, Jesus, who died on the cross to save us from our sins. God completely gives to us all that is his.

He gives you our very life; a place to call home, food, water, possessions, every thing we call our own is given to us by God.

Now, this is where our responsibility to him comes in to play. We are asked by God to be good “stewards” of all that he has given to us. As Christians, we are asked to be stewards of God’s possessions and to receive what God gives to us gratefully.

Stewardship is the responsibility to take care of something that one does not own. As I said earlier, it is like entrusting your most prized possession to someone else. God has entrusted everything that is his to us.

If you believe that God is the rightful owner of everything then it is easier to be a good “steward” of all that is his. Stewardship has to become part of our “lifestyle”.

The lifestyle of teenagers today is almost “luxury”. It is even better than what I had, and I think I had it pretty good. My husband and I were just observing the other day at a family fish fry that every teenager there was carrying a cell phone around, plus they were all talking about one of their other luxuries that they had at home a personal MP3 player or IPOD. They knew how to upload and download stuff from the Internet, yet another one of our luxuries of today.

So how does a teenager who has everything give thanks to God for all that he or she has? The Bible tells us in Matthew 6:33 that we should “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.” Now, here God isn’t talking about cell phones and Ipods…. Go back a few verses. (read a couple of verses prior) He is basically telling us to seek him for our “needs”. Now, there is a lot of difference between needs and wants.

You’ve probably heard people say, “I have to have that pair of jeans” or “I need to see that movie.” Maybe you’ve even said those things yourself. But what does it mean? Will something horrible happen if you don’t have those jeans or need to see that movie? Probably not!
Needs are things that we truly can’t be without, such as:
· Nutritious food
· A place to live
· A warm winter coat
· A good pair of shoes
· Transportation
Wants are things you’d like to have, but if you don’t, you’ll still survive (in fact, you’ll be just fine). Like:
· Designer jeans
· Toys
· Candy
· Video games
We can be good stewards of God’s blessings by putting first things first. This means we must seek God first and those things that he has for us. God will take care of our needs and often times he even allows us to obtain things that we want as well.
What is important to know about seeking God first? This has to be done daily. Luke 9:23
Then he said to them all: “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

This involves a daily commitment to follow God and his will and purpose for your life. You do this through seeking his will for you daily. By approaching him daily in prayer and Bible study, then listening to and follow him.

We will continue talking about stewardship in the next post….stay tuned.

On this week’s Mom-Daughter Connection Radio Show and Podcast I share about teaching your daughter about money. You might find it odd that I did a show on this, but I feel that it is something practical that we should all do for the sake of our daughter’s future financial forecast. I mean honestly money is something we all have to deal with, and we should have the opportunity to be taught correctly how to handle the money God provides us with, after all it all belongs to HIM. I hope you’ll take the time to listen to this week’s show.

I wanted to share this article about money from one of my favorite financial gurus, Dave Ramsey. I found this at Dave Ramsey.com

Some people say, “Timmy’s so young. I want him to enjoy being happy and innocent. Money is a worry for grown-ups, not kids.”

I say, “We’re raising a whole generation with ’sucker’ stamped on their foreheads because we’re not teaching them.”

Your job as a parent is not just to keep your child happy. You’re raising a future grown-up who needs to be able to deal with grown-up matters. If you teach little Timmy how to handle money responsibly, then grown-up Timmy will be better equipped for a richer life. Look at the statistics below:

* 19% of Americans between the ages of 18 and 24 declared bankruptcy in 2001. (USA Today, 2001)

* The fastest growing group of bankruptcy filers are those people who are 25 years of age or younger. (Senate Committee on Banking, Housing and Urban Affairs, 2002)

* Over 80% of undergraduates have at least one credit card and nearly 50% of college graduates carry 4 or more credit cards. According to the Department of Education, the average balance carried by these students is more than $3,000. (Senator Chris Dodd, CT)

These statistics show that many children aren’t being taught how to handle money. Young people are making mistakes with zeros at the end of them. These mistakes often take years to overcome. Teach your children how to handle money while they are young, and they won’t make mistakes later on in life.

Dave has a series for our teens called Financial Peace for the Next Generation and another for our children as well called Financial Peace Jr.: Teaching Kids About Money! : “Cool Tools” for Training Tomorrow’s Millionaires!

I just recently started helping with Acteens at my church, a mission organization for teen girls ages 12-18. I enjoy being a part of this ministry as I was an Acteen myself a few years ago. This month the girls topic is prayer. I know that for teens especially younger teens, but for all of them it may be hard to understand “Why” they should pray, “How” they should pray, “When” they should pray and “Where” they should pray.

These are all questions I’m sure many of us have asked ourselves in the past. “Why should I pray?” Well the Bible is very clear that God wants us to communicate with him. He even says that we should, Philippians 4:6 explains, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” We pray because God knows that there are things that we need his guidance, his love and his support on. He does not want us to worry or be anxious and therefore we should pray. I have come to learn that on the days I worry the least are the days I have prayed the most.

“How should I pray?” Prayer is not meant to be complicated. Though we aren’t suppose to go to God only with our “wish lists”, we are suppose to come to Him like a trusted friend. We should feel comfortable enough talking to God that we have a conversation with Him, talking but also listening for Him to answer us. Prayer is to be a private conversation between us and God, it is described in Matthew 6:6, “But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.”

“When should I pray?” If you’re familiar with Scripture you may have heard the verse, “Pray without ceasing.” Do you literally have to be down on your hands and needs all the time praying to Lord, well of course not. HOwever, God’s desire is for you to be so comfortable talking to him that you can stop and whisper a prayer to Him anytime throughout your day when you feel you need an listening ear. He is always there and is always ready and willing to listen to you.

Finally, “Where should I pray?” An earlier Scripture spoke of praying in secret, yes, we should never pray to draw attention to ourselves or for show, but we can also join together with other believers to pray. We can have prayer partners, prayer meetings, and other times of prayer to assemble together and talk to God, for the Bible says, “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” Matthew 18:20 God will always come to be with you when you pray, whether alone or with others. The important key is that you PRAY!

I hope that this has answered any questions that may arise for you about prayer. Prayer is such a important connection that we have to the Lord. I hope that you will take advantage of it. Listen to Mom-Daughter Connection Radio Show this week to learn about an important prayer from scripture, “The Prayer of Jabez” and a book written on the topic, which can be bought in a teen version as well, The Prayer of Jabez for Teens (Breakthrough Series)

I knew at the age of 16 that I was passionate about Jesus, and beauty and fashion, but could I turn that into a career. Maybe. My mom and dad thought it would be safer to be a counselor, and began encouraging me to pursue the education necessary to be a licensed counselor. Unfortunately, it is not my passion or my dream. For several years, however, I pursued the field of counseling one hundred percent. I went through many graduate school applications and grueling interviews. I was accepted to three different graduate school programs. I even took several classes in one particular program, only to realize more and more that it was not my calling or my passion.

Well known Christian author Max Lucado suggests in his work, The Cure for the Common Life that instead of asking our children, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” a better question would be “How can I help you become what God has already designed you to be?” You see, God designed me for a special purpose, to be a specific thing, and he has done that for each individual on the face of this earth, so it is important that we are allowed to be what it is God designed for us to be.

God set his plan for each of us in motion the day that we were born. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (NIV) We are all as Christians certain of that great plan, that story of our life.

We all have a story, and as we live our lives, we are living out our story. We must also allow our children to live their story. Lucado says STORY stands for:

S – our strengths, those things that we do well,
T – our topics, the things we are most interested in,
O – our optimal conditions, the conditions in which we do our best work, perform to the best of our ability,
R – our relationships, those with whom we share and learn from,
Y – and our yes moments, those primary outcomes that bring us the most joy.

We must allow our daughters to live out their very own story. A card I got recently as congratulations on my new baby girl said this,

“She will dream her very own dreams, Maybe she will look like you, talk like you, smile like you … maybe she’ll sing, paint and dance like you, but she’ll dream her very own dreams.”

Dreams are important, they give us something to look forward to with anticipation. I know you had your own dreams, now allow your daughter to not only have hers, but to live them out. Be her biggest cheerleader and watch her win at this game we call life. Help her along the way with words of encouragement, many hugs and love and even some discipline if it is in order. However, do not discourage your daughter from living out her dreams. God gave them to her and it is important that she follows His path for her life. You can be assured that if she is following God, that there are many plans in her heart, but the Lord is directing her steps.

Are we loosing our legacy of faith? Is the next generation carrying on your legacy of faith as you continued that of your mother’s and father’s. I know that my generation, known as Generation X has definitely gotten a bad rap for leaving our faith behind. I can’t tell you how many times I have had people tell me, “There aren’t many people your age in ministry these days.” This is sad, but true. How about your children do you think that they will continue in the faith that you’re planting in them? I know you hope so and so do I.

We have to leave our children with strong roots that will ground them in the faith that we put our hope and trust in. The important thing is to give them those roots. We are all to follow the words of Deuteronomy 6:6-9

“These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

These words still apply to us today. In order for us to expect our children to continue to walk in the faith that you have taught them about you must continually teach them allowing it to become a part of who they are, you must also encourage them to continually learn more about the Lord themselves, nurturing their own personal relationship with him. A relationship with a parent or even both parents is important, but it cannot replace their relationship with their Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. This is truly the only way that they can be grounded enough to continue in their faith for the long run.

In Family Driven Faith, Dr.Voddie Baucham identifies timeless precepts and principles from Scripture for raising our sons and daughters to stand firm in a post-Christian society.

God has not left parents alone in raising godly children, but has given us valuable and timeless precepts in His Word for successful training, if parents will only take the time to study and learn from the Heavenly Father.

Drawing from Deuteronomy 6 and other passages, Dr. Baucham explains the power of family-centered discipleship, demonstrating how the day-to-day training of our children can lay the groundwork for multi-generational faithfulness.

Faithfulness is important not only to our generation but to the generations to follow, pour yourself into the next generation by making practice of both Deuteronomy 6 and the pearls that Dr. Voddie Baucham draws from it in this great book.

Tonight over dinner at my church with friends I was chatting with a friend of mine who has a young son. She told me that she had recently had a conversation with her son regarding his aunt who had been trying to get pregnant and was. He said in response to her, “how did she try?” She was a little surprised and then afraid of where the conversation would lead.

It made me realize just how soon I’ll be having the “birds and the bees” conversation with my own children. Conversations with our children about purity and sex are very important. In these days when children in our society are learning these things earlier and earlier you want to be sure that your child hears the truth from you.

A great book that helps your daughter to understand the importance of purity, right down to her first kiss is The Princess and the Kiss by Jennie Bishop.

In this book, a loving king and queen present their daughter with a gift from God — her first kiss — to keep or to give away. Amidst a culture that mocks purity and virtue, give your daughters a story book that beautifully portrays the value of purity and the rewards of waiting on God’s timing.

Don’t you want your daughter to treasure the purity even of her first kiss?

Children are a blessing from the Lord. You hear this so many times. However, do you give your children a blessing in return? Do you give the children the blessing of being their cheerleader, their encourager, and giving them your approval even when they don’t always do exactly as you’d like.

We as parents must lovingly guide our children. As the Bible says we must “train a child in the way he should go so that when he is old he shall not depart from it.” This is exactly as we should do and are called by God to do. This training starts at a very young age and must consistently continue throughout a child’s life.

One of the biggest ways that you can bless your child is by being there for them and showing them your love and affection. This can be done so by physical touch, words of affirmation, and quality time spent together.

Any of these things help to show your child your love. Be sure and be a blessing to your child today.

Are you Singing the Busy Blues?

I’m automatically reminded of the Alabama hit,

“I’m in a hurry to get things done, I rush and rush until life’s no fun, all I really gotta do is live and die, so I’m in a hurry and don’t know why.”

Are you too busy? I think in today’s world we all seem to have a case of the busy bees.

I’d like to share some statistics I found with you about being too busy:

The United States is the only country where women topped men in saying they were 1) almost always busy and 2) that busyness affected their spiritual walk.

I can totally relate just the week before last I had the following schedule: Monday was Labor day, luckily, Tuesday was TPA, Wednesday was church, Thursday was a meeting for setting up the women’s conference at church, Friday was a meal with the ladies, and Saturday was the women’s conference and of course church on Sunday.

Titus 2:3-5 says,

“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.”

The Bible tells us to be “busy in the home” in Titus, but it never says to be busy, “at the school, in the workplace, in the community.” Where does your case of the busies come from?

We can be so busy that we loose sight of our purpose, and God’s purpose for us as a wife, as a mom, as a servant of His.

I have been reading a book lately about breaking free from spiritual bondage, which is short for: from Satan’s hold on your life. I found this anonymous writing about Satan and I must say… it made me think, and I think that they have something here, so if you don’t believe Satan is alive and well, well think again.

I found the following anonymous illustration about the devil that I would like to share with you.

BEING B-U-S-Y (The Devil’s Convention)
Satan called a worldwide convention. In his opening address to his evil angels, he said “We can’t keep the Christians from going to church. We can’t keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth. We can’t even keep them from conservative values.
But we can do something else. We can keep them from forming an intimate, abiding relationship in Christ. If they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken.
So let them go to church, let them have their conservative lifestyles, but steal their time so they can’t gain that experience in Jesus Christ. This is what I want you to do, angels. Distract them from gaining hold of their Savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!”
“How shall we do this?” shouted his angels.
“Keep them busy in the nonessentials of life and invent unnumbered schemes to occupy their minds,” he answered.
“Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, then borrow, borrow, borrow. Convince the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6 or 7 days a week, 10 to 12 hours a day, so they can afford their lifestyles. Keep them from spending time with their children. As their family fragments, soon their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work.”
“Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that small still voice. Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive, to keep the TV, VCR, DVDs, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their homes. And see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical, contradictory music constantly. This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ.”
“Fill their coffee-tables with magazines and newspapers. Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day. Invade their driving moments with billboards. Flood their mailboxes with junk-mail, sweepstakes, mail-order catalogues and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services and false hopes.”
“Even in their recreation let them be excessive. Have them return from the recreation exhausted, disquieted and unprepared for the coming week. Don’t let them go out to nature to reflect on God’s wonders. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, concerts and movies instead.”
“And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences and unsettled emotions.”
“Let them be involved in soul-winning, but crowd their lives with so many causes that they have no time to seek power from Christ. Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause.”
It was quite a convention in the end. The evil angels went to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get busy, busy, busy and rush here and there.
Has the devil been successful in his scheme?
You be the judge.
How about this definition of BUSY: Being Under Satan’s Yoke

Satan’s goal is to take our minds away from Christ and steer us towards the cares of the world. God wants us to enjoy life, but He must be first. If we are too busy for God, then we are too busy!
So, what do we do about it? We must go back to our first love, give God our first fruits. Remember back to when you first got married how much time you spent with your spouse, how you wanted to be around them every minute. Now, unless you’re a newly wed, what about now, not so much, huh?

We sometimes do that with God we allow him to become our “old man” and forget how much we love him. We also give him our leftovers. We squeeze in every possible activity we can into a day and we give God 5 minutes before bed.

So, we must make a renewed commitment to “seek ye first his kingdom and his righteousness” and God promises, “all the rest shall be added unto you.” You do your part and God will surely do his.

I thought it would be neat to share my notes with you that I use when speaking to girls. Recently I spoke to the girls at Holcomb Baptist Church in Holcomb, MS on self-confidence. I then did my Mom-Daughter Connection Radio Show #5 on that same topic. I thought I’d share my notes with you from this. Here they are:

What makes you feel really good about yourself? A new outfit, a new haircut, a compliment from a friend, knowing you got A on that paper, making a goal in soccer? Whatever it is, is it lasting? Do you still feel good about yourself a week later? On the other hand, are you like me and your confidence fades and then you feel down in the dumps and can’t figure out what’s wrong with yourself?

I experienced this feeling just this week. I had a big success last Friday that made me feel most accomplished and on cloud 9. Then, Monday hit and I was finding myself down in the dumps. I couldn’t really explain it and it wasn’t until this Friday that I realized my problem. Maybe my problem with confidence is yours too.

Let me explain to you what my problem was. I was looking for my confidence in the wrong place. You see earthly rewards and recognition will never truly satisfy us if we are Christians.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:18

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. Matthew 6:18-20

God did not create us to be satisfied with earthly rewards. There is a God-shaped hole in our lives that only God can fill. First, if you do not have a relationship with Jesus Christ, meaning you have admitted your sins, repented, confessed that you believe that Jesus died on the cross to save you from your sins and asked Jesus to be Lord of your life. Then, you have yet to fill that God shaped hole. If you have accepted Jesus, then that isn’t all that is required. In order to keep that God shaped hole filled you must nurture your relationship with God.

What does it mean to nurture? Well as women we are created by God to be nurtures we take care of people right, your mom takes care of you, your dad, your family, and your home right? Well to nurture something is to take care of it so that it will grow. Farmers nurture their crops, animals nurture their young, parents nurture their children and we can nurture our relationship with God.

How many of you have a “relationship” with someone? A friend, a boyfriend, a parent, a grandparent? We all have a relationship of some kind. How do you maintain that relationship? You spend time with that person right? Well in order to maintain and grow your relationship with Christ you have to spend time with him.

Growing your relationship with God requires spending that time with Him. Just as if we want to grow up physically, we need to grow up spiritually. One of the main differences in growing physically and in growing spiritually is that it takes much more effort on your part to grow spiritually.
You must make it a priority to spend time in prayer and Bible study, spend time praising God, thanking God and waiting to hear from God.

After all, what’s wrong with us when we get down in the dumps and woe is me is that it isn’t really and shouldn’t really be ALL about us.

You see, God didn’t create us for us to be self-centered and all about me. Because the truth is, it’s all about God. You were born for a purpose. Yes, God has a significant, meaningful, purpose for your life. We typically don’t understand this because like you’ve heard so many people in today’s society say, you are asking the wrong question… most of us and most of the people in the world today are asking this question:

What do I want to be? What should I do with my life?

When we should be asking- what did God create me to be?

People are out there trying to “find themselves” when they should be focusing on God and his will for their lives.

As Rick Warren, author of the Purpose Driven Life states, “You were made by God and for God – until you understand that, life will never make sense.” “Focusing on ourselves will never our life’s purpose.”

I know what it’s like; I know what you are probably thinking. You want to know what that purpose is right?

If you’re like I was at your age then you do. I was curious, I still am. I wanted to know it all. I couldn’t wait to find out what was next. I wanted to know the “big picture”. I still do. I wanted to know who I was going to marry. How many kids I would have? Where I would live? On and On.

God will reveal those purposes to you and he has big plans for your life. “I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

God knows you better than anyone else. After all, he created you right? “He knit you together in your mother’s womb.” You are “fearfully and wonderfully made”. You are not an accident. Way before your mom or dad even thought about having you. God was making plans for your birth. He chose your race, the color of your skin, you hair and every other feature. He also gave you talents and abilities.

The Bible also tells us God made you for a specific reason. “ You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.” Psalm 139:16

God knows what that plan is know don’t you want to know. Trust God with your life, every single part of it, put it in his hands. Allow him to mold it, shape it, form it, and set you on the path he has for you. It will be the greatest ride of your life.

You know I told you when I was a teenager I wanted to know God’s plan, the big picture, I could have never dreamed it up. What God has given me. God did it, I could try to take credit for it myself, the blessings I have experienced, but I can’t. It’s all God. If you remember that it’s all about HIM and not about YOU, but that he has many blessings and plans in store for you, then your confidence will soar. You will not only be happy, but you will have JOY. Joy comes from God. Joy is spiritual peace, peace that passes all understanding.

Do not worry. Learn to pray about everything. Give thanks to God as you ask Him for what you need. 7 The peace of God is much greater than the human mind can understand. This peace will keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

I heard recently of a new twist on scrapbooking that I thought I would share with all of you. I was excited to hear about it and am considering starting one myself. The concept is to scrapbook your spiritual journey, the highs and lows, the mountaintop experiences and the valley experiences. They are both important and think how wonderful it would be to be able to look back over that scrapbook and see what you had come through.

Since this is something new to me I did some research online. One website calls this Faithbooking and gives you a weekly challenge to complete to do your book. You can find more info on faithbooking here.

However you choose to begin I believe that Scrapbooking your spiritual walk, or Faithbooking would be a worthwhile experience and one you could enjoyably share with your teen or tween girl.

I found this article this morning and since it was on the topic of teens and fashion I thought I’d share…

Back To School With a Gang Banger & Common Hooker

Alternately titled: “Where did the kids who ARE kids, go?”

Did that get your attention? I hope so, because apparently more parents NEED to be paying attention.

Despondent, depressed, hopeless, dejected, discouraged, gloomy, disheartened, downhearted, melancholy, blue, unhappy, heartsick, miserable.
Not very uplifting words are they?

I know I’m not the only parent that has noticed this change. It’s a huge change and so noticable I’d be surprised if there’s anyone left that hasn’t noticed it. The change I refer to is the image put forth in advertisements for kids & teens clothing. You see it in every sale flyer, and right now with the back to school promos by every store out there, there are a ton of examples to pick from.

The first thing I notice, is the expression on many of the kids faces. See that string of depressing adjectives up there? That’s the message that these ads send to me. These kids are ticked off, filled with attitude, arrogant, snotty, snarly, snarky and downright emo. Grab a local sale paper if you’ve got one handy and look for yourself. You’re a parent, you know what that look means. It either means you just told them something they didn’t want to hear (like “no”) or that you’re about to get a disrespectful argument out of them.

The next thing I notice about these ads, is the electronic accessories they all seem to be sporting. One ad might show what appears to be a 7 or 8 yr old boy with a cell phone up to his ear, and another one showing a (maybe) 10 yr old girl with a iPod plugged into her head.

Now hold on just a minute while I play the role of old fuddy-duddy. Since when exactly, did little kids need these things to be a balanced, healthy child? Shouldn’t that 8 yr old boy be outside somewhere building a tree fort or a jump ramp for his bike or skateboard? While I’m at it, why does that 10 yr old girl have an iPod or cd player growing out of her head? Shouldn’t she be playing and using her imagination, rather than having who-knows-what-kind of music pumped into her brain via the electronic toy she’s wearing? And while I’m on this train, let me just ponder outloud that maybe the reason for the expression on her face, is due to the trash being pumped into her ears, eh? Garbage in – garbage out? (oh you parents of teens know exactly what I’m talking about here)

Oh yes, it gets worse. If you’ve got a sale paper in front you, turn now to the juniors and young mens pages for a minute while you hold your finger on the ads for the kids. Are you there now? Okay take a look at the way the older teens and young ladies are dressed and now flip back to the kids. You don’t see the difference either, do you!? Someone please tell my WHY it’s become the norm to dress our CHILDREN like adults. Hmmm? That 10 yr old girl and that 8 yr old boy are dressed almost identical to the late teens or early 20-something models. The little boys are sporting that trendy, layered/skater boy look (oh please, like they care!) and the little girls are wearing the same Jezebel inspired miniskirts and flashy tops. Hello? Have we all gone insane?

In a word, yes we have. We’re such suckers for marketing and sadly our kids don’t know better. When our kids see those kids in those ads, that’s who/what/how they want. That’s what is being advertised and that’s what they are told (by implication) is acceptable or normal. It’s normal (“but mom, everyone else dresses like this!”) to them because the local WalMart, Target or Zellers (Canadian) fliers says it’s normal and plasters these kids all over their ads. They see the attitude in the facial expressions and body language (why is it so common for a 6 yr old boy to be posed in an aggressive pose and look at the camera like he wants to slug you in the face?), they see the low cut and WAY too short hemlines on the girls (or the skin tight outfits) and think that is who and what they should look like. Now here’s the thing mom and dad, and pay close attention to this because the Ad world doesn’t WANT you to pick up on this:

This marketing strategy works, works very well, and YOU and I are the ignorant consumers with our heads in the sand that they’re cashing in on – at the cost of dressing your little boy like a punk gang banger and dressing your little girl like a common hooker. What’s more – the Ad world DOESN’T CARE, because they are only concerned with the almighty buck. And we (the people with the paychecks) just keep right on buying this stuff. Hmmm.
I really can’t stress enough just how important it is that as parents, and Christian parents, we don’t get sucked into what has become trendy and fashionable for our kids. It’s our job as their parents to protect them from things they aren’t spiritually and emotionally ready for, and to keep them kids as long as they are kids. Our little boys and little girls need to understand (as much as they are able) the difference between honorable character & giving a good impression, and following after the world by looking and acting just like them. That doesn’t mean you dress your little boys like Old Order Mennonites, and it doesn’t mean you adorn your little girls with frumpy long hemmed dresses, but there are much better choices out there than the Skank-Babe offered for girls, and the Thug-Boy line for little boys. It takes a little more time finding stores that offer it, or if you can’t, learning to sew to make nice things for your kids, but it’s worth it for them.

One last thought about this is that it strikes me as very disturbing that none of these kids look happy. In very few ads are any of these kids smiling or expressing any kind of visual image that gives you the thought that they’re happy. When I was a kid and used to flip through the big ole department store catalogs with kids clothes, those kids were happy, smiling, riding bikes, playing sports, skipping rope & having a grand ole time doing kid stuff. These kids don’t look happy, they look like they’re filled with angst and discontentment. You have to wonder what the deal is there, and why these child models are intentionally being posed & dressed this way by the adults in charge of the photo shoot sessions.

As you can tell, this is a sore spot for me. I think it’s supposed to be a sore spot for any Christian parent when the world wants us to present our children as unhappy, snarky little thugs or promiscuous tarts.

As for me? I don’t buy it. I learned how to sew & where to shop to find cute stuff. It was more effort to be sure, but they deserve it.

Written by Carla Rolfe
Check out her blog.

Peer pressure is something many teens struggle with as they head back to school. It might influence something simple such as what style of shoes that they choose to wear, but it can be more serious as well. Peer pressure has an influence on the lives of teens in many areas, from sexual practices to drinking. Choosing to not give in and rather to abstain from these activities is often difficult for them.

When a teen is attempting to make a decision regarding what to do in any given situation they like most humans, you would think would use logical reasoning and weight the pros and cons. You would also think that they would think of how their decision might influence others around them such as their parents and their peers, however this is not true. Teens on the other hand are very egocentric, or self-centered, with their thinking, they do not seem to care about how their decisions will influence others, and as a result only care about themselves, or that is how it seems.

Teens also think in a way which psychologists call “magical thinking” this is the “it will never happen to me” type thinking. Therefore, they do not think that anything bad can happen to them, therefore they succumb to peer pressure and as a result may make negative choices, such as choosing to drive too fast, or to drink a beer or two, or to go to far sexually with a person of the opposite sex. They do not think that the negative consequences can follow because in their minds, that “can never happen to them”. So, they do not even consider the consequences such as wrecking, harm to themselves or others, or pregnancy.

Parents often find it difficult to deal with teens and their skewed ways of thinking. It is often also difficult for parents to teach their teens the valuable art of saying no. However, at such an important time in a teen’s life their parents influence is so important to combat that influence of their peers. After all, it is still true that parents have the greatest influence on their teens over every other group of people in a teen’s life. Therefore, parents take your role seriously and look for ways to make saying “no” easier on your teen.

Alyssa has a special report available, “Seven Easy Tips: Encouraging your Daughter to Say “No”. You can find it here.

How to Have a Quiet Time

The above link is available to download the study “How to Have a Quiet Time” for your daughter or for the two of you to work through together. I will make the answer key available next week. ENJOY!

How many of you like change? I don’t mean the nickels, pennies or quarters you get back after a purchase the grocery store. I mean change as in the process of becoming different. It is not always a process that we enjoy; however, it is often necessary. I for one do not enjoy change very much at all. However, I have undergone it quite a bit in my life as most of us have and I have to admit that it has more often than not been for the best.

Changes in our life often bring about a feeling of “fear”, however they shouldn’t have to. God is in control and will “never leave us or forsake us.” I know this is easier said than thought. Think about the idea of change from the eyes of your daughter. Do you think that your daughter deals with well or enjoys the “changes” that inevitably take place in the life of every teen or tween girl. Think about what some of those changes might be and how you as her mom can help her to cope with those changes a bit easier. For example, these changes might be natural changes such as puberty or getting her menstrual cycle or they might be changes in her environment such as moving to jr. high or high school or even moving to a new town. Whatever the case you can make her feel more secure by being there for her and lending a shoulder to cry on and an ear to bend.

There are also some changes in our life that we bring upon ourselves and choose to make. These might be an attempt to improve ourselves, whether by our looks or our character. These times of change in a girls life are a time when she can use much encouragement and prayer from her mom, because she might experiment with hair color but she might also experiment with other things, which could compromise who you would like her to become.

Change can definitely become a positive part of our life if we face it in the right way. You can help your daughter to approach changes in her life armed with faith that God will bring her through the situation, no matter how difficult it might seem at the time.

Sexual Body Language

I was approached recently about a situation where a teen girl was being overly flirtatious with the teen boys and even the adult males on a recent youth trip. My thoughts were, “how far is too far?” I know as a teen growing up that my mom and dad cautioned me about “hanging all over” my boyfriend or even my “male” friends. They were of course concerned about what that would make my boyfriend expect from me but also how it made me as a girl look. The old saying, “easy” comes to mind.
I know that we should not worry what others think of us, but as females, we should think about what we’re doing. And what that is saying to those around us, what language it is speaking, what vibes it is giving off and we should make sure that it is presenting ourselves to others the way that we would want to be portrayed.
Therefore, when teaching your teen daughter about this subject it is important to instill in her the principles about this that the Bible teaches. Yes, the Bible does speak on this subject. We are instructed in 1 Corinthians 6:20, “You were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.” When we loosely throw ourselves on the opposite sex, whether or not our “intentions” are good or bad, we are not honoring God with our bodies. God’s Word says that there should be “not even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” (Ephesians 5:3 NIV) Being overly flirtatious and loose with ourselves as girls can lead to sexual immorality and is in itself a small type of it, therefore it is best not to do this at all.
This reminds me very much of the debate on alcohol, no God’s Word does not say specifically, “do not drink alcohol.” God’s Word does however warn about becoming drunk. In this same way, God’s Word warns about your behavior, especially those behaviors that can lead to other things that would cause you to NOT honor God with your body. God created us and when creating us, he created us as sexual beings; however, he put some limitations in his Word for how we should use that to our advantage in the reigns of a marital relationship. God would only do this if it were what was best for us. God is the author and creator of everything; therefore, he indeed knows what is the very best for us. Explain to your daughter the very special and unique situation this creates in the relationship that God intends for us to use this part of our bodies for when you are giving her this warning.
It is important that we as parents talk to our daughters about this very important topic. I mean honestly, do you want someone else to have to call her on this when she is stepping out of line. Or would you rather her know in the first place and not be caught in this situation.

By: Alyssa Avant

Traditions, defined by the Wikipedia online dictionary as a Latin word that mean literally means to “hand down”, it is the handing down of customs and beliefs. There are many traditions in our world. Religious traditions exist in almost every religious organization. We also have family traditions. I’m sure your family might have some that are similar to those that my family celebrated, and some that are quite possibly very different.

Some of our traditions include, Sunday lunch at my grandmother’s house when I was a kid, Easter egg hunts with all my cousins at my great-grandmother’s house, attending a candlelight Lord’s supper on Christmas Eve at church, or a 4th of July cookout. All of these things were ways of celebrating together, and more often than not a good excuse to eat, no I’m just kidding. But, traditions are valuable in one’s life and something we do not easily forget or allow to let go. They are also Biblical. ForeverFamilies.net says, “Some traditions are based on God’s commandments, such as praying before meals.” Can you think of others, such as saying bedtime prayers with your children? Starting traditions help us to connect and define what is important to us.

Family scholars Nick Stinnett and John DeFrain say that traditions are the “we always” of families, like “We always make snow ice cream at the first snowfall,” or “We always have games and popcorn on Saturday night.” Because such traditions have meaning that is special to an individual family, they create feelings of warmth and closeness. By spending time together in a fun and special setting, family members grow closer.

Traditions can be simple, and the more simple they are the more likely you are to stick to them. Remember when creating new traditions that the point of a tradition is to be able to stick to it and practice it over and over, so make sure it is something you can easily do year after year. Some simple examples of traditions include, making a family members favorite meal for their birthday, saying a prayer together every night before bed, baking cookies together on Christmas Eve, or calling long distance relatives on Valentine’s Day to tell them you love them.

I’m sure this has gotten you to thinking about what your traditions are and how you can pass them on to your daughter, instilling in her the importance of family, and of building traditions into one’s daily life as a way to stay connected.

It’s that time of year, hearts are racing as they anticipate that ever fateful day, Graduation. I remember it like it was yesterday. I could NOT wait for that last song to be played and for my hand to release that cap into the air. What a feeling of exhiliration, excitement, and a little nerves all mixed into one. For one, you had accomplished a great feat. But, on the other hand, those carefree days of high school and no responsibilities were over. A new life lies ahead of you, stretched out like the open road, ready for you to take a drive. It will be full of roadblocks, traffic jams, and detours that is for certain. The choices you make and map you choose to follow will determine where you will end up. Hasty decisions will lead to dead ends. This is your life we’re talking about, so you want to choose your destination wisely. How do you guarantee that you’ll end up in the fast lane, successful, and happy? Well, there really is no guarantee of success if you look at it by the world’s standards, however, if you look at life through the eyes of God and see it as opportunities He is giving you, then you will always feel like you’re a winner. The Bible says, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails.” Proverbs 19:21 You can make your plans, however God’s purpose for your life will prevail if you will follow Him, look to Him, and obey Him.

When I was trying to make those decisions about my future, it was difficult. There were so many choices to make, choices about college, career, marriage, would I get a summer job, or move away from home? These decisions are never easy to make, however, we all have a link to the answers, or at least to some wisdom to help choose the best answer. This link is prayer, our lifeline to God. Choosing to go to Him with your decisions is the first step to making the right choices for your life. Matthew 7:7-8 reads, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.” These verses back up my suggestion that seeking God’s help is the best way to go.

One of my best suggestions for anyone who wants to see how God works in your own life, is to begin recording your prayers in a journal. Writing down your requests, concerns, and thoughts is not only helpful to make one feel better, sort of a therapy for the worried, but it also is a rewarding experience to be able to return to those prayers after God has so graciously answered them, days, weeks or years down the road. You can then rejoice in the many blessings that God has given you. You will be astonished at all He truly gives you, and I guarantee it will be more than what you asked for.

A prayer journal devotional guide, with journal, scripture bookmark and pen is available as a gift box here on my website. Check it out! It will make the perfect graduation gift.

By: Aurelia Williams

Ah, dating. It’s a part of every teen’s life. It’s also a source of stress for most parents when their child reaches this pivotal point. It doesn’t have to be stressful. Here are a few tips to help you keep the fear at bay when your teenager starts dating.

Age: More than a Number
Just because it seems like everyone other parent on the planet is letting their teen date, doesn’t mean you have to. Especially if your teen isn’t ready. Keep an eye out for signs that your teen is really ready to date. Dating shouldn’t be based on age alone. Take into consideration maturity and not just physical maturity. Emotional and mental maturities are more important when your teen starts dating.

Open Communication
Keep the lines of communication open. Talk to your teen and be honest about your feelings. Listen to their feelings as well. You might be surprised to find that they are just as scared as you are. Also, don’t immediately go off the deep end the first time you hear the phrase “Check her out!” or “He’s hot!” Be there for your teen when they experience the good and the bad of their dating experiences.

Groups Dates
If you are uncomfortable letting your teen go on a one on one date, try letting them go with a group the first few of times. Even if the group is split up in pairs, it still allows your teen to feel like he/she fits in, but you’ll have the safety of knowing that it’s not just your teen against one other if something were to go wrong. Public places, such as bowling alleys or miniature golf courses are a great option for group dates.

Respect all Around
Teach your teen to respect the opposite sex long before they begin dating. Remember, they can�t respect someone else before they respect themselves. Make sure your teen truly respects him/her before allowing them to date.

Rules
Set rules before your teen begins dating and stick with them. The days of courting and getting permission may be gone, but that doesn’t mean you don�t have to know who your teen is with, where they are going, how they are getting there, and when they’ll be home. Set a curfew that you feel comfortable with and keep in mind any laws in your area when doing so. Just because your town’s curfew may be midnight, doesn’t mean your teen should stay out that late if you aren’t comfortable with it. However, an 8 o’clock curfew won�t go over well at all and will likely lead to rebellion from your teen at some point. Find a happy medium that you are both comfortable with.

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Need more free tips on parenting teenagers? Parenting My Teen Podcast discusses this and other teen issues parents face. You can also pick up the Parenting My Teen Oath while you’re there.

What is “true love”?

Have you ever thought that you were in love? I know I did when I was dating; early on in my teen years. But was it really love? I am not going to say for sure, but I do know that the Bible describes love best. It does so in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 which say,

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

These are all characteristics of true love. Love is also about a relationship. The purest form of a love relationship is that of Jesus Christ. We must look for characteristics of Jesus in another person in order to find true love.

So many times today, we allow other characteristics such as physical appearance, popularity, or personality to attract us to someone else. This causes us to be convinced that it is �true love� and then we often share the rarest gift that we have with the wrong person.

Love is not an emotion, but rather both a commitment and a devotion to someone else. If you are truly committed to and devoted to something you can wait for it. Christ was so devoted to us that he gave his own life. We need to be so devoted to our “true love” that we can wait to give them our rarest gift.

Likewise, sex and love are not the same. Sex is a completion of two people becoming one. The Bible explains it is a part of a marriage relationship, another gift given to us by God.

Pre-marital sex only leads to pain and heartache because it does not include the characteristics of the true love relationship, that of commitment and devotion. If you think about it, most people who participate in pre-marital sex do it on a whim or because of a long night of drinking. They are not in any means committed to or devoted to the person with whom they share their rarest gift.

I can remember vividly being a part of a True Love Waits rally. The True Love Waits campaign began in 1993. I was 13 years old. Standing in about the second pew of the church. I was asked to sign a card committing to stay sexually pure until marriage. I signed that card and committed in my heart also to stay sexually pure. So did my best friend, Laura. We even had a conversation afterwards saying that we would hold each other accountable. That next year Laura moved away. I was not in constant contact with her, and therefore it was a little more difficult to hold each other accountable. However, almost 2 years later, late one night, I had just arrived home from a date with my boyfriend; when the phone rang. I fully expected it to be my boyfriend who always called me after he arrived home. However, it wasn’t, it was Laura, speaking through her tears, told me that she had broken her promise and had given away her rarest gift that night. She shared with me how badly she regretted it, how much she felt cheated, how she felt scared, alone, and dirty. It hurt me so bad that she had done it and I longed to reach out over the phone lines and make it better. But, there was nothing I could do.

You see, when you have sex outside of marriage, that person can so easily and freely walk away from you because there is no real commitment made between the two of you. That night, Laura’s boyfriend had to go home, they weren’t married, they were young, stupid, and had made a mistake. They broke up later and there was nothing left for her to hang on to, no way to feel that love or devotion.

I can tell you that my friend was heartbroken and I can tell you that “true love waits” and heartbreaks don’t. If you want to be heartbroken, give away your rarest gift to the wrong person too soon.

Therefore, how can you avoid this heartbreak occurring in your life? Well, the Bible says, “Do not be mislead, bad company corrupts good character.” 1 Corinthians 15:33

When I was in high school I was constantly pressured more so by my friends and peers than by my boyfriend himself to participate in pre-marital sex.

If you surround yourself with those who are sinning and in sin then you too will be pulled into sin. I know that this is sometimes unavoidable. However, be watchful and mindful of those with whom you spend your time. People will automatically think you are like those that you hang around. And, as my dad always used to say, you will be “guilty by association.” Plus, you will be more tempted. Everyone undergoes this temptation. However, how you choose to respond to it is what is important. The Bible says, “No Temptation has seized you except what is common to man, And God is faithful and he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear.” 1 Corinthians 10:13 (NIV)

It is important that you are ready, that you know how to avoid this temptation. For instance, what you spend your time thinking about and dwelling upon will eventually become what you will do. Your thoughts do indeed become your actions. Psychologists have proven this true. If you dwell upon lusting after the opposite sex, then you will be led into the temptation and indeed sin. Remembering that “whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.” Philippians 4:8

True Love is indeed worth waiting for. Not only will you be rewarded with the rarest gift your spouse has in their life, on your wedding night, but you will understand and appreciate the commitment and devotion that you share with each other; from that day forward. And only Christ defines true love better than that.

A girl’s relationship with her mother is one of the most important relationships in their life. As a youth and children’s minister, I have done a great amount of research on who affects the lives of children and teens. Profoundly, every study shows that parents have the greatest affect upon the lives of their children, greater than peers, friends, teachers or others in their lives such as ministers.
I consider myself lucky that I have and have always had an excellent relationship with both my mother and my father. I reflect on my relationship with my mom and realize that it has shaped who I have become today. My mom was always open and honest with me about almost every topic or issue that I faced in life, from being scared of thunder when I was younger, to being the only girl in my class who couldn’t stay out till midnight in ninth grade. My mom was also brutally honest when it came to issues such as sex, drugs, and alcohol.
One thing my parents did without fail was to back up their discipline with Scripture. An easy way to share with each other what the Bible says about certain issues is to search the Scriptures for answers together when an issue arises in their life. My parents and I did this on a regular basis. I would often want them to “prove” that the Bible really said something so they would get down the Bible, search the concordance, and show me the Scripture. Today, as a result I can tell someone almost immediately what the Bible says about certain topics as I have been shown it myself, many times.
After all the Bible says in Proverbs, “Train a child in the way he should go and when he is old he shall not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6. I also find evidence of the practices my parents used in Deuteronomy 6:4-8

“Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. [a] 5 Love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. 6 These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. 7 Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.”

Finding evidence of the way we should deal with our problems and issues in God’s word can strengthen our relationships with our children. I am thankful for parents and especially a mother who boldly proclaimed Scripture to me in times of trouble and was not afraid to look for it when she was unsure.

Do you wish you could connect with your daughter in a meaningful, powerful way? I hope to give you inspiration, tools and ideas that will help you to do just that.

Moms, I’m sure you can remember the day you found out you were having a baby girl. Maybe it was through an ultrasound, during your pregnancy, or maybe it was on the day she was born. Either way, try to remember now how you felt, what thoughts crossed your mind. It is very important to remember how you felt that day; this can help you focus upon how special it is that you have a daughter.

God gave you a very special gift when he blessed you with a child, but he also knew that child would be a girl and he had a special plan in that as well. Your daughter was born into the specific generation she is in not by accident, but “on purpose”. You have a special place in this, because you are her mother. God has give you an even greater responsibility “to train a child in the way she should go.” Proverbs 22:6 (NIV)

I know you want to do this and more. We all want the very best for our children, we all want to not only prepare them for their future, but also inspire them to take their place in their generation, and to find their purpose in life, God wants them to be set apart for “such a time as this” in their lives. Esther 4:14 (NIV)

One of the first keys to impacting your daughter is by setting an example for her. She needs a faithful example of a Godly woman to help her to become one herself. No on in her life can ensure that she has that example more than you, her mother can. Your faithful example will help her to leave a legacy of faith. Show her a proper relationship with Christ, by modeling it for her. Do you have a regular daily quiet time and if so does she know it? I know a lady who does have a daily quiet time, alone in her room, each morning. She told me the story of her little boy discovering this one day. She would inform him every day that she was going up to her room for “her time” and would make sure that he was occupied while she would be gone and then she’d head upstairs. She never realized that he wondered what she did during “her time”, until one day, she saw him sneaking up the stairs, and peeking in on her room. That day she realized he was curious and even more that he needed to know what she was doing. Therefore, she began to share with him. Now, years later, the boy is a teenager, and every morning after breakfast she says she’s heading up for ‘her time” and he says, “I’ll be in my room doing “my time”. She has modeled this time alone with God for him and now he makes it part of his life as well.

Having a daily quiet time is just one of the ways that you can model for your daughter how to have a relationship with Christ. Making Christ apart of your home and your everyday routine is another way. How many times is Jesus mentioned in your home each day? Does your family share a meal together and bless that meal with a prayer of thanksgiving before you eat? I realize this sounds like something very small, but can make a huge impact on your life. Verbally mentioning the name of God can do so much for your children.

Prayer is such a valuable tool in connecting with God and with your daughter as well. Through prayer, you can fuse the relationship you have with your daughter, and have a permanent bond that no one can take away. I heard a speaker at a parent-youth conference last February who gave such an amazing example of the connecting between a parent and a teen.

He used the example of the connection between a parent and a teen or child as being a “heart connection”. The idea was that as parents we have a connection with our children that we can visualize as being a pipeline from our heart to theirs. The pipe is connected when we are turned towards each other and in good relationship with each other. However, this connection can easily be broken, when your child goes out into the world their pipeline is susceptible to others and other people can then try and connect with your daughter or child. These people include anyone who has an influence upon her. Who influences your daughter? Think about it, it could possibly be a teacher, coach, youth leader, friend, and boyfriend. The list could go on and on. It is your job as a parent to ensure that your daughters pipeline is only connected to you and to God. This is the strongest influence upon their life. Because we know that “where their treasure is there their heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21 (NIV) you want them to treasure their relationship with you enough for it to be their main heart connection, outside their relationship with God.

How do you ensure that this be the case? This all begins at home, when your daughter arrives home from school, if you are there do you immediately greet her and ask her about her day, sit down, listen and connect with her. Listening is very powerful, your daughter when just coming in from the day at school will be full of information to share about her life, her friends, and her activities. If she is not opening up and sharing with you, encourage her to but never force it, just be there and willing to listen.

My own mom was always there to listen, offer advice when I needed it, or seal her lips when she knew I didn’t want to hear it. These things helped me to become the person I am today and I hope that I will be able to do the same with my own daughter. I know no matter what I’ll impact her in some way. I pray that both you and I impact our daughters for the good of the next generation.

A couple of weeks ago , I visited New Orleans, LA to take a course at the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary where I have been a Master�s student since 03. I am finally, cross your fingers, say a little prayer, going to graduate in Dec. 07. While there my hubby and I had some free time one night and visited the Barnes & Noble. We browsed the isles for over an hour. We both LOVE to read and there was literally 1000s of selections to choose from. The store was the biggest one I�ve ever been in with 2 stories. Finally locating the Christian Living Section I was amazed at how many books were there, and that just behind it was the Islam section. It was odd to walk up the isle and see those two topics facing each other.

I began to peruse my options thinking that I sure needed a good new devotional/inspirational type book to keep me focused in the days ahead,� with a newborn on her way. While browsing the titles I realized that I could easily make a poor selection as the number of authors, viewpoints, and opinions was prevalent in this section. I know that not all doctrine is sound in books that appear in a �secular� bookstore, so I knew I had to be careful when making a choice of an inspirational type book.

You would know then, that I was very pleased when I ran across one of my favorite authors, Elizabeth George, the title of the book �Small Changes for a Better Life� also jumped out at me. I read the back and glanced over the Table of Contents, realizing this would be a good choice. I said a silent prayer for God�s confirmation as I picked up another few books from that section and had a look at them. He kept drawing me back to Mrs. George�s book so I told my husband, I�m getting this and we went to check out.

Arriving back at our room that night I began to read. Each day you are given a small change to make in your life that wiill help you to find fulfillment and excel in your relationships , friendships, spiritual life and more, helping to achieve God�s best for your life. The first chapter spoke of seeking God�s Wisdom. This made me perk up because it was by no mistake I had purchased this book, you see, I was taking a Spiritual Gifts class at the seminary and we had just spoken in class that day of seeking God�s wisdom and we had just read over the same verse that Mrs. George highlighted in her first chapter, James 1:5 which says, �If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God�. and it will be given to him.� WOW!! God was arranging all of this and I knew this was a book I was meant to read.

Maybe God has put this article in your path for the same purpose, so that you could be given wisdom from him. I do highly recommend any of Elizabeth George�s works, especially this one, �Small Changes for a Better Life�. Pick yours up today.

I came across this article and it really intrigued me because I have a daddy who has raised both I and my younger brother to be extremely independent. I really think my independence has helped me over the years and therefore think it is important to raise your child to be this way. Enjoy this article:

Raising an Independent Teen

By: Audrey Okaneko

I remember posting on a message board about opening a checking account for my 16 year old. She and I had picked a date, gone to the bank, brought all of the paperwork and opened her account. She and I both were both excited.

I was truly amazed at the large number of moms who thought I was crazy. They each had different reasons, for thinking I was nuts. They did not feel their own children could handle the responsibility of having a checking account, or they did not feel their own children would understand that having more checks did not mean they had money, or they did not believe a 16 year old should have their own checking account. Many women said they did not believe the part time babysitting job their child had, gave the child enough money to justify opening an account.

In just two years all of these kids will be 18. Many will be leaving home. If they have not been taught money management, have not been taught how to balance a checkbook and have not been taught how to use a check book register while at home, how will they know when they leave home?

Having worked in a college bookstore, I can share numerous stories of 18-20 year olds who had no idea how to write a check, how to record a check or how to balance a checkbook. A few students were not even sure where to sign their checks. Others, when asked to please print their local address on the check, put it on the bottom under the routing numbers. They did not realize that this was not ok.

If as a parent you truly believe your 16 year old is not ready for the responsibility of a checkbook, then consider an Excel spreadsheet. When my daughter was about 13, we created two spreadsheets. One was for clothing and one was for school lunches. We looked at how much money I spent in an entire year on her clothing. This was her beginning balance. Each time we bought shoes, pants, earrings etc, she had to record the purchase. Excel does the math, so she was able to see her total balance go down as she made purchases. She also could look at her total left and make choices of what was more important, the very expensive pair of shoes, or a few new sweatshirts for winter. She knew when the money was gone, there was no more. If her choice was the shoes and she had no warm clothes, she’d have to wear last years, or wear mine. What teen wants to wear mom’s clothes?

Her lunch allowance was a running total. She began each week with $5. If she did not spend it in week one, then at the beginning of week two she had $10. Again, Excel did the math, but she needed to add the $5 each Monday and then deduct what she spent each day. If she did not record purchases, she was not given $5 the following Monday.

These spread sheets taught her how to add money in and subtract money out while recording where the money went.

The other area where I believe we can help our kids become independent is shopping for food and cooking. A 16 year old is plenty old enough to prepare one meal a week. If their schedule does not allow one meal a week, then try one meal per month. If you don’t help your child learn to choose ingredients, read a recipe and cook a meal, how will they know how to do this when they no longer live with you? My older daughter has a friend getting married next week. Right now, this gal eats McDonalds twice a day. She doesn’t cook. Not only is this expensive, but it is so unhealthy. We make awesome burgers at home. We load on BBQ sauce and onion rings, or teriyaki sauce with pineapple rings, or many other toppings. So, we do eat burgers, but we make them ourselves. Both of my kids can make great burgers.

Both of my kids have always gone to the market with me. They know how to read labels, check ingredients in products and pick out fresh fruits and vegetables. Again, if they don’t do this with you, how will they know how to do this when they leave your home? My kids also know how to shop for store sales. They know how to read the store labels and determine how much they are paying per unit or per ounce so they can compare sizes and brands.

These are just two areas we can help our teens to feel more independent, and prepare them for adulthood.

Article by:

Audrey Okaneko is mom to two girls. She can be reached at audreyoka@cox.net or visited at www.scrapping-made-simple.com

When I was a teenager I just wanted to fit in. I thought to myself most days, “Why can’t I be more like ________?” (You know her girls, so fill in the blank). To have the shoes she wore, or perfect skin, or just the right haircut would make everything perfect. I would strive to be more and more like her. I soon discovered that it was not really helping no one was taking notice that I was dressed like her, or wore my hair in the same style.

So, I soon gave up, and went on to try to be more like “me”. Then, I began to get more and more involved in my church youth group. I was 13 or 14 and all my friends hung out at church, going to Bible study, youth choir, and to my youth minister’s house after church or we’d make a trip to Taco Bell in the next town. Those were good times.

The best part is that in those Bible studies I learned, that I did not really want to be like that girl at school, I wanted to be different. The Bible tells us that we are “made in the image of God.” This is a true privilege that only humans can claim. When God created the world, humans were the only part of creation that he created in his image. He also made each of us unique. The only person God wants us to try and be more like is his Son, Jesus Christ. When I discovered this truth, I began to pursue it, with all that I was. I began to “dare to be different” from my friends or peers. Surprisingly, this was much more fulfilling than trying to be like the girl at school. I began to stand out. People took much more notice that I was doing things different than when I was conforming to the norm. It might not have always been easy, but it was the way to go. I challenge you to take the road less traveled. Because ” For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.” Matthew 7:13 (NIV). I know that you will benefit from taking the proper path, I sure did!

Praying with Your Teen

By: Rachel Paxton

I don’t remember my parents ever praying with me. It wasn’t until I was a parent myself, and a born again believer, that I realized one of the outward signs of a committed Christian is their active prayer life.

Article by:�

Rachel Paxton is a freelance writer and mom of four. For complete resources for the Christian home, visit her web site at www.Christian-Parent.com.�

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