Do you have an open door policy? Meaning, can your daughter and her friends hang out at your house whenever they want? I just recently watched an episode of Wife Swap. Both ladies on the show had swapped places with each other and both families had teenage girls. One of the moms allowed her daughter(s) to have company anytime including male friends without supervision, while the other never allowed her daughters to have friends over.

The show was a bit sad, with both of the situations being a bit extreme. One set of girls was completely out of control while  the other set was so sheltered and honestly quite pitiful as they were treated so negatively by their parents. Neither set really had a healthy situation in my opinion, which made me think there had to be a happy medium.

It is important that we allow our daughters to have some freedom, especially our teens. But we also have to give restrictions too. There has to be a sense of trust established in order for proper restrictions and balance to be maintained.  A good practice is an open door policy that includes allowing friends to visit when there is adult supervision. You will be surprised how much you can learn from and about your daughter as you witness her interacting with her friends.

Not only will this help you in your relationship with your daughter, your knowledge of her friends and the way that she interacts with them, but it will also help her in her ability to face temptation and say no to it.  She will realize the support that she has in you, as you faithfully back her up and encourage her, not to mention are open to her ideas, and the friendships that she seeks to maintain become a part of your whole family, not just her life but all of your lives.

The friends that she has come over will begin to see the love that you have for your daughter and will begin to respect you, your rules, and your morals and viewpoints.  They will then be more likely to refrain from pressuring your daughter with temptations that they know you would be against.  They would have a greater sense of responsibility to you as they too have a relationship with you.

Then, there is much to be said about how much better you’ll know her friends and how much they will respect you for having them around, opening up your doors, your home and your life to them. It can really do wonders for not only your relationship with your daughter(s) but also your relationship with her friends and her relationship with them as well.

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Being a parent of a teen or tween can be tough, I know, but fortunately in this technologically driven age there are so many ways you can connect with them.  Just this morning on the radio I heard that technology and computers is actually a great tool for parents to connect with their teens and I couldn’t agree more.  Whether it is texting them to find out where they are or connecting with them online through social networking sites such as Facebook, there are so many positives to using technology to connect with your teen or tween.

Maybe you feel like you are a little behind in the times when it comes to these new ways of connecting, but the good news is they aren’t hard to learn.  In case you are completely out of the loop and do not have a clue what Facebook is, I”ll start with the basics and walk you through. 

Facebook is a social networking site, or in less techy terms, it’s a place online to connect with others by displaying info about your self including pictures, favorites, hobbies, etc and then befriending others who will communicate with you via your profile by writing you notes, sending you messages and so on.  You can connect and share through pictures, messages and even videos.

Facebook is very user friendly and has been used by everyone from teens to professionals.  You are sure to know someone on Facebook, so after you set up a profile it is almost certain you will make friends immediately and maybe even find old classmates to connect with as well.

However, more than anything, if you’re a parent it is a great way to connect with your teen, because let’s face it, teens and tweens of today, communicate through technology more than they do through opening their own mouths, and they have a whole other social world online unlike any other previous generation.

And though I am encouraging you to venture into this “world” of theirs I also encourage you to do so with caution.  Your child most likely will react in one of two ways,  they will happily befriend you online or they will wish you’d never found out about Facebook.

So, be careful as you begin this venture because you want this to be a positive experience for the both of you.  First you want to be honest with them, ask them about Facebook, even ask them to help you set  up your profile.  Let them know that you want to learn about it and need their help.

Do find other people to connect with, you don’t want your teen to think that you are only on there to snoop on them.  Be aware too that they have control over their privacy on Facebook, it’s privacy settings allow anyone to hide pictures, messages and more from those that they do not want to see it.  So, you may not be seeing everything on your child’s profile, but you can see what they allow you to and it may be a great way to find out things you haven’t known about them before.

Don’t try and befriend their friends on Facebook, unless they request that you add them.  This will cause your child much embarrassment so just lay low.   However, if your child or their friends want to befriend you, then by all means connect!

Facebook really can be a powerful tool for your relationship and can help you to see your child in a new and different light.  So, don’t let it scare you, use it today to enhance your relationship.

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We would love your opinion as we are making plans to begin work on a new ebook.  We have ideas for 2 different ebooks but hope to make something that is of greatest needs to our readers.  So, which topic would you most benefit from?  If you have any additional comments or questions please leave those in the comments below.  Thank you.

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“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.”
Proverbs 31:30 (NIV)

Charm is thought of in today’s society in a variety of ways.  Dictionary.com defined charm in many ways as well, but as it is used in the Proverb, it is a noun.  Dictionary.com says that the noun, charm, is “a power of pleasing or attracting, as through personality or beauty” or “a trait or feature imparting this power.”  This is more often than not how females use their charm today.  To impart power or control over someone in their life, especially their male counterparts.

The Bible speaks of this as being deceptive.  Therefore, this is not the kind of charm you want to exude.  As ladies we need to be careful about the way we use our charm and our beauty so that we can be sure we are not using it in a negative way.  Beauty is not a bad thing.  God created us to be beautiful.  However, we want to do everything in our lives to please Him, rather than to draw attention to ourselves.  We must make certain that we are doing “whatever we do, whether in word or in deed, to the glory of God.”  It is not glorifying God to use your charm or beauty to control someone else.

Beauty can come from more than one source. Beauty is more than just outward beauty, it is also what’s inside.  As 1 Peter 3:3-5 says,

“Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful.” (NIV)

True beauty comes from within.  True beauty exhibits qualities of character and that includes many things.  Here are a few of those qualities:

Honor - honesty, fairness, or integrity in one’s beliefs and actions
Self-control – able to exercise restraint
Virtue – moral excellence
Chastity – pure and chaste
Purity – innocence
A Clean Heart – freedom from evil
Sweetness – kind and sincere
A Quiet Spirit – a sense of inner peace and calmness
Modesty – freedom from vanity

Take some time to evaluate your life, your heart, and how you are using your charm and beauty.  If you do not already exhibit the above characteristics, make it your goal to instill some of these into your life.

To learn more about proper charm invest in the Christian Charm School Workbook.

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