Connect With Your Teen Through Facebook
October 20, 2008 by adavant
Filed under Parenting 101
Being a parent of a teen or tween can be tough, I know, but fortunately in this technologically driven age there are so many ways you can connect with them. Just this morning on the radio I heard that technology and computers is actually a great tool for parents to connect with their teens and I couldn’t agree more. Whether it is texting them to find out where they are or connecting with them online through social networking sites such as Facebook, there are so many positives to using technology to connect with your teen or tween.
Maybe you feel like you are a little behind in the times when it comes to these new ways of connecting, but the good news is they aren’t hard to learn. In case you are completely out of the loop and do not have a clue what Facebook is, I”ll start with the basics and walk you through. 
Facebook is a social networking site, or in less techy terms, it’s a place online to connect with others by displaying info about your self including pictures, favorites, hobbies, etc and then befriending others who will communicate with you via your profile by writing you notes, sending you messages and so on. You can connect and share through pictures, messages and even videos.
Facebook is very user friendly and has been used by everyone from teens to professionals. You are sure to know someone on Facebook, so after you set up a profile it is almost certain you will make friends immediately and maybe even find old classmates to connect with as well.
However, more than anything, if you’re a parent it is a great way to connect with your teen, because let’s face it, teens and tweens of today, communicate through technology more than they do through opening their own mouths, and they have a whole other social world online unlike any other previous generation.
And though I am encouraging you to venture into this “world” of theirs I also encourage you to do so with caution. Your child most likely will react in one of two ways, they will happily befriend you online or they will wish you’d never found out about Facebook.
So, be careful as you begin this venture because you want this to be a positive experience for the both of you. First you want to be honest with them, ask them about Facebook, even ask them to help you set up your profile. Let them know that you want to learn about it and need their help.
Do find other people to connect with, you don’t want your teen to think that you are only on there to snoop on them. Be aware too that they have control over their privacy on Facebook, it’s privacy settings allow anyone to hide pictures, messages and more from those that they do not want to see it. So, you may not be seeing everything on your child’s profile, but you can see what they allow you to and it may be a great way to find out things you haven’t known about them before.
Don’t try and befriend their friends on Facebook, unless they request that you add them. This will cause your child much embarrassment so just lay low. However, if your child or their friends want to befriend you, then by all means connect!
Facebook really can be a powerful tool for your relationship and can help you to see your child in a new and different light. So, don’t let it scare you, use it today to enhance your relationship.
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I Facebook and I am friends with a lot of my kids friends. One thing I learned early on is that kids these days have potty mouths. I have had to train myself to not comment on the bad words they are using unless they use it on my wall, which hasn’t happened yet. My theory is that their Facebook wall is just like their own bedroom and if they want to live in that dirt it is their choice. That being said I monitor my own kids Facebook walls and clean up anything inappropriate when/if I find it. My kids all know that I am checking their sites and we have also discussed how what they do in public (which lets face it, the internet is public) reflects on the family as a whole and therefore we (mom and dad) will be watching it.
Very smart to do too Jennifer. I totally agree. Monitoring Facebook is a smart move for parents and being open with them that you are doing so is the best way to go.
Once again, very timely post. Both, my daughter who is a freshman in college, and my son who is a freshman in high school, thought it was a little weird at first, that their mom was facebooking, but they did both accept my friend request. Everything you said is exactly right. I did it as a way to keep in contact with my daughter and see pictures of her, and then I quickly found friends around my own age, too. It is always good to see what they post as their status, sometimes tells what they are feeling at the moment.
I have so many pages open to read from twitter, this was in my dock still today!
She respects me and I do her. Alot of these kids are putting ALL their info- phones, IM, email, everything. But have their settings where ‘friends of friends’ CAN see all of that info to AND who ever is looking over their shoulder!
Wanted to say, as I am going to writing about this as well, so many moms THINK they are monitoring their child’s FB or Myspace. My daugheter (15) has had both for a year now. I joined to so I could learn all about it ~how it works, saftey concerns, settings for privacy etc. AND to see what can happen ‘behind’ what you actually see on their pages. I trust my daughter, have an incredible relationship. She gladly gave me her passwords for both accounts ( as I have for all accts) I hardly ever go in as she has been guided very well and really uses wisdom when accepting friends etc. (which is huge) What I want to refer back to – is if you are a mom and only monitor FB and MYSPace by looking at their friends and their profile pages, you might be in for a bit of a shocker when you go in and see the private messages, bulletins,things they choose to show on their profiles to certain people. Be their friend. My daughter has me as her top friend on both.
Great post Alyssa! I just get passionate because I see so much of it FB and Myspace. Ly daughters friends actually be-friend me and ask me for help. Or I Will private message them to say- hey- you need to set your privacy settings…
So get in there moms- Get an actual acct even if you never use it but to be informed of how it really works!
PS– pulling my girlie into Twitter- too funny.
@TakeRoot is me!
Blessings!
Noelle
Thanks for the article! I am a mom of high shooler, middle schooler and toddler, all boys. I am tech savy to a point, and have facebook and myspace. I too, have their passwords for both accounts and it is interesting to see their moods, their friends, and what they are interested in at this particular moment in life, security and privacy is an issue and I have made sure they have their profile set to private, however not sure how great that is since they both have hundreds of “friends”.